It's not that I've been avoiding people or things or even been mired in misery all the live long day. It's been more of a get through my day and then get home and be ANGRY kind of thing. Like, "Oh, great, now I'm home and what? Still crap to do and none of it is fun and my life! My misery! It's never going to get any better! It's all so terrible and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME." A sort of pre-teen/teenage melodramatic existential despair. Which is insufferable during the awkward teenage years, and severely punchable in your 40s.
I mean, nothing is overly awful. I do still have my anxiety and my panic, but for the most part, things are o.k. Could be better, but they've been worse. And I'm trying to focus on the positive, so I look at the good things, and don't compare myself to others and write my little gratitude journally things at night [would it surprise you to know I have a subscription to Real Simple magazine? I'm sure it would not. My saving grace is that I also have a subscription to Bitch magazine. Because I am a badass.]
|My kick ass Alessi Blow Up magazine rack. LOVE THIS. Also pictured: Costco frames that I still haven't put photos in.|
We were watching Season 2 of Cougar Town [BECAUSE I NOW HAVE THE FIRST THREE SEASONS ON DVD! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ME!] and I said how I want to be Ellie, and the husband said, “You ARE Ellie. What you’re looking for is your Jules.”
And he was right! I am looking for my Jules. So if you are a pretty, sweet, booze-loving, maybe not so bright, sometimes mean but generally goodhearted person, you could be her. You don’t have to be female, and you don’t even have to drink, but you do have to enjoy me being mean about stuff.
Line forms to the left, bitches.