Thursday, October 20, 2011

What Haven't I Done? Glad You Asked.

A list of things I haven't done.  Most of these things will never, ever, EVER happen.  The others? I'm open.

1. Gone mountain climbing.

2. Eaten shellfish. [It's just giant bugs, and don't try to tell me any different. You're fooling yourself.]

3. Camped in a tent.

4. Wrestled a bear.

5. Had a threesome. [I have twice been propositioned, but both times, one of the other people was someone I found very unattractive (Seriously? A mustache? Are we making a porn?) and as I get older and crankier, I don't see any more propositions coming down the pike.]

6. Run a marathon.

7. Been comfortable wearing jeans. [There's something about the texture of denim I find very off-putting.  It's too abrasive for me.]

8. Gone sky diving.  [Seriously? The entire point is to stay in the plane.]

9. Shoplifted.

10. Bowled a perfect game.  [Hell, bowled over 150 points.  Are they called points?]

11. Owned a really super nice car.

12. Been part of a relay race.

13. Gotten divorced.  [Some days, though . . . some days.]

14. Touched a snake.  [No fucking way.]

15. Gone hunting. [Except for bargains.  That's the same thing, right?]

16. Toilet papered someone's house.  [I may be up for this, if the target is right.]

17. Made a mistake. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, I do this all day, every day.]

18. Been to a political conventions.  [I do have a hankering to wear a silly hat.]

19.  Been to the Kentucky Derby. [Speaking of silly hats . . .]

20. Finished reading Middlemarch. [Oh, George Elliot, you totally blow.]

What things have you never done? Or do you want to do? Or are you compulsively doing? Actually, that last thing could be a very interesting blog post on its own.

Bogarted from here, with liberties taken because I can't count to 22 when I'm tired. So. Much. Math.


  1. My post today was about horse races and funny hats! We're just so in sync. Also? NEVER give up on your bear wrestling dreams - I believe in you!

  2. I held a snake once...long enough to have my picture taken. But when that thing started writhing across my neck, I nearly blacked out.

  3. Seriously, who has a mustache? Gah.

    And snakes? No.

    Personally, I've never finished The Catcher in the Rye. Stop whining, Holden.

  4. I find myself wondering what would be more raucous fun; the Kentucky Derby or the political convention?

  5. I've never seen the movie "It's a Wonderful Life"

  6. Mustaches always remind me of the Third Reich, I cannot understand why men don't know that.

  7. I so want to read the screenplay of how those propositions went down. Very interesting!!
    I also feel you need to and one day WILL own a super hot car. I may be projecting, though. I love my know.

  8. Until this week, I had never bedazzled a gas mask. thankfully the opportunity has arisen. Bucket list- Check and checkmate! (sorry if this posted twice. computer issues!)

  9. I've done #2 and am ok with #7. As for #9, well, this one time when I was 16, in JC Penney...

  10. My Dad has a moustache and it's AWESOME - eff you, stache-Nazis. :) People wrap snakes around my neck everywhere I go. It's like I wear a sign saying "I love to cuddle with snakes". Also, threesome? No - there were five of us. I've never water-skiied successfully, and I've given myself permission to stop trying.

  11. I've never gone horseback riding or downhill skiing, and I have NO interest in the ski thing. Zippo. Oh, and I haven't done approximately 1 billion other things, as I have no backbone.

  12. i've never made of list of stuff i haven't done.

  13. I went to the Kentucky Derby 2 years ago. You MUST put it on your bucket list. Mint Juleps and Southern gentlemen. Mmmm hmmm. You can see pics of some of the AMAZING hats (I took over 500 photos over 2 race days) on my Flikr page, found through ENJOY!

  14. I've never gotten a lady boner...

  15. I have a "no silly hats" policy. Except if I went to the Kentucky Derby. Then I think it's required.

    You are hilarious!

  16. This is a great list! :) But I must say, you had me cracking up at your side comments. Hahaha!

  17. I have done nine of those things. And I'd do five of them again. I hope we can still be BFFs.

    Do you think the threesome I had with the snake and the bear while I was camping had anything to do with the divorce?

    Sarah xxx

  18. One thing I've done, but WILL NEVER DO AGAIN, is eat anything that swims in its own poop. That pretty much covers anything that swims or wades, including shell fish. Just writing that makes me want to vomit.

  19. I've totally been hunting before. For deer and bargains ;)

  20. I've never finished Catcher in the Rye, either. Nor have I toilet papered a house.

  21. I would never touch a Fing snake either..or RUN..anywhere, unless there was a sale on shoes (that you would never run in!)

    I'd totally have a threesome with you and Pierce (call me ;)

  22. I know you would tp GP's house.

    I think I would have a heart attack when they opened the door on the plane to jump out. No skydiving for me!

    I would never eat meat if I had to kill it & clean it myself. I can disassociate the meat on the styrofoam tray at the store from the animal.

    I would never get pregnant or rock climb or deep sea fish again. Once was enough.

  23. Okay, #2, you are so right! Just sea bugs, why does it make it okay to eat bugs just because they live in water.
    #7 - I think the pajama jean is calling your name. Jsut sayin'.

  24. I've been to the Derby (awesome!) but I was very careful to stay IN THE PLANE the entire way there and back.

    I'm old-school like that.



  25. I think you should try to have a threesome while wearing jeans AT a political convention (particularly a Republican one). THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING.

  26. ---Great List!

    -haven't read "Middlemarch" either, but definitely touched a snake. They are cool and smoooooth ;))

  27. Sooo, I guess I can cross you off the skydiving three-some I have planned for my 50th birthday.

  28. I've never thought about this before. What an intriguing conversation this could be. This is my new go-to subject for cocktail fodder.

    My not-done list has a lot of the same things as your list, especially the wrestling a bear one. Thank God and everyone else. I am a-scared of bears, but not afraid of snakes.

    I'd have to say I have never danced with Bono and that is something I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix.

    I've never snorkeled, which is weird, living in Florida.

    I have never had a Brazilian wax. TMI?

    I've never changed the oil on a car nor would I know how to.

    I've never seen a Star Wars movie.

    I've never had a son. Nor will I, since my whore of a uterus has been thankfully taken out.

    I've never been arrested...yet.

    I've never had a body ache or a sniffle without thinking this was it, the big disease that would eventually kill me.

    I've never had Scotch.

    Nor have I had a Scotsman.

    Or anyone named Scott. TMI?

    Oh, I could go on and on. So much fun.

    Thanks for giving me this gift. It will help keep my conversation sparkly.

  29. I camped in a tent once. Never again.

    Learn from my mistakes.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.