Tuesday, December 20, 2011

An Open Letter to My Grocery Bagger

Dear Young Teen Age Boy,

Do I look like The Incredible Hulk to you?

I only ask, because while my skin does have an olive tone, I do not possess the sheer muscle mass required to lift and carry a bag filled with 3 whole tenderloins or the other bag filled to near bursting with 3 five pound bags of flour [King Arthur is on sale, everyone! LET THE BAKING BEGIN!].  I mean, I know this coat is kind of bulky, and I'm not at my binge drinking college weight anymore, but I kind of figured that my being 5'2" tall and the lack of weightlifting medals on my chest would clue you in that my arms are not made of steel.

I know that when you asked, "Paper or plastic?" I answered, "I have some bags here." What I did not know was that you would assume I wanted my entire overflowing holiday extravaganza shopping cart crammed into the 6 tote bags I brought with me.  I have to applaud your Tetris-style skills at organizing every canned good I purchased on the bottom of one bag, and then layering the 10 bags of various chocolate chips on top. 

Thanks, too, for not crushing the several bags of chips.  The husband and the girl could not be happier to be eating fully formed potato products, and I at least had one bag that I was capable of lifting.

Anyway, go back to your flirting with the girl bagger.  You two make a cute couple.  She's way more into you than she is the guy she was talking about.

XO,

Suniverse

21 comments:

  1. Tetris style bagging... Heh made me laugh bit is a skill. Man, I was da bomb at that game!! If I ever lose my job I'm totally putting that on my resume and apting for a nagger at the grocery store!

    I'm with you on over loading the bags! Wth is with cramming EVERY canned product I bought in ONE bag. Like ibcan carry that up two flights without it breaking. The pissant can't even lift it into the cart without double handing it!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy friggin typos!!!! That'll teach me to comment from my phone. I just blew coffee reading my comment! I'm going to stop while I'm ahead. Good luck figuring it out. Damn autocorrect

    ReplyDelete
  3. I shop at Publix. And they are required to ask you if you want to be helped out to your car. And if you decline, they will ask if you are sure. And last year when they introduced this policy, I thought the bagger was trying to lure me to my car where he would kill me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nobody has asked "paper or plastic" here in YEARS. We either carry reusable, recyclable grocery bags, or say "yes" to the plastic bags and feel like a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  5. They ALWAYS fill the grocery bags up TOO MUCH when you bring your own. It's a special punishment of some sort, I'm convinced.

    ReplyDelete
  6. If you look like the Hulk, then I do too, because we're both 5'2". Hulk twinsies!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Umm, am I the only one who's blown away by the fact that you have a grocery bagger? That's like the equivalent of having a maid or a nanny 'round these parts. And here I am in Ontario bagging my own groceries like a fool....

    ReplyDelete
  8. did you tip him? you know for the holidays?

    ReplyDelete
  9. WhaT?

    Where in the world do you shop, rich lady??

    Where I go, PiknSave, we bag our own.

    NO LIE.

    At least my bananas are never put on the bottom of the potatoes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tetris style packing - love it. I'm really not good at tetris or packing, so I should probably not ever attempt it.

    Having said that, I never take up the kind offers of packing assistance at the supermarket. Maybe it's something to do with pride (I don't know) but it means I get all frantic when I'm packing. As if I need to prove I can do it.

    I think I have psychological problems when it comes to packing (and almost everything else).

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wait, King Arthur flour is on sale? The baking must commence!

    I'm a big guy, so I seldom worry about how packed a bagger is making my bags . . . but, when I was shopping with a broken arm, I remember a bagger saying "I hope this bag doesn't break" and I just looked at him.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with Loonybin. I just can't get past the fact that you have someone who actually bags your groceries! Now, if you were to tell me they offer to carry your groceries to your car for you, I'll fall over in a swoon.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You know whose good at bagging? No, me neither.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now I feel fancy cause out here in white trash land we have baggers too! I brought my own bags a couple times. Then I realized I'd have to buy bags for pet waste & went back to plastic. I love the Tetris analogy!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Uh, I had something really witty to say but then forgot, as David B's ass pose to the right of this comment box continues to be a frequent distraction of mine and causes me to forget what I was planning on writing. This is exactly what happened. So I hope your happy.

    ReplyDelete
  16. A checker once warned the bagger, "She [meaning me] can't carry a bag with two 6-packs of Coke." So he carefully removed one...and replaced it with a 6-pack of ginger ale.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hahaha she definitely likes him more than the guy she was talking about.

    Very very funny.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hahaah i HATE it when baggers don't know how to bag. Don't put all the heavy things together! And heavy things go on the bottom!

    ReplyDelete
  19. What is a grocery bagger? I live in Canada where we bag our own damn groceries. I think I saw one of those bagger things on an episode of Little House on the Prairie...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yesterday I went shopping and the bagger shoved two gallon jugs into one bag. We get to my car, she tries to lift it and sets it back in the cart. "That's too heavy," she says. Oh, no problem, I'm about four inches shorter than you and forty pounds lighter, but I've got it.

    ReplyDelete

Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.