Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wednesday Means Writing. But Not Coherent Writing.

I did my nails yesterday [You Ottaware Purple] but I forgot to put on top coat and they are already chipping. 

While this may not seem like such a big deal, I feel that it is typical. Typical of how bullshit things are. Typical of how I can't do anything right. Typical of how much aggravation life likes to throw at me if I am not ON TOP OF EVERY FUCKING THING EVERY FUCKING MINUTE.  If I slip, even for a second, things go down the shitter.  There is never a slip and then a slide into a giant pile of marshmallow fluff.  Nope.  It's CONSTANT VIGILANCE or it all goes to hell.

I am a control freak, but I am tired of being a control freak.  I want to be able to let some shit go, finally, for once.  I really do.  But when I do let stuff slide, even minor stuff, the aggravation is so not worth it.  Because running around after the fact trying to fix things is even more exhausting than making sure that every contingency is covered. 


In other news, news that is good, the girl's last day of school is tomorrow.  FINALLY.  It seems like she's been in school for a thousand years.  She's so excited, but also a bit anxious because summer's slower pace is such a huge change from the frenetic school year, and she doesn't go to the neighborhood school, so she's worried about seeing her school friends. BUT, she's going camping with friends [because the husband and I do NOT camp] for a few days starting tomorrow afternoon, so that's helping with the "What am I going to do and when will I see my friends?" bit. 

Also, there's the sleeping in thing.


I had to go through a metal detector yesterday and had to give up my tweezers.  I almost said to the woman, "Look, these are my emergency tweezers, for when I suddenly sprout chin or neck hair, and need to deal with it IMMEDIATELY.  You know what I mean, right?" But then I thought she'd think I was commenting on HER facial hair, and that she might get mad and really search me, so I let it go.

Maybe she needed the tweezers.  Maybe she forgot her emergency tweezers and saw an opportunity and took it.

I think I can respect that.  Especially since I did not have any wayward sprouting.  If I had, it would be a different story.


There is a woman who goes to my gym who is fucking fabulous.  Not that tries too hard and dresses up to work out fabulous.  Just a super sense of style even while working out fabulous.

I desperately want to be her friend, but I don't know how to strike up a conversation because:

1. We are not in elementary school, so I can't just walk up to her and say, "I like you, let's be friends."
2. I usually see her in the parking lot as we're both leaving, and I don't want to make her feel like I've been watching and waiting for her.
3. She's usually talking to her friend, and I don't want to A) interrupt, because that would be rude; or B) have another person witness my humiliation.
4. I am generally NOT looking fabulous at the gym.  A lot of times my clothes don't match and last night's mascara is smeared around my eyes and my ponytail is nearer the side of my head than the back of my head.  That doesn't seem like my compliment would have a lot of weight behind it.  "Hey, I think you're fabulous.  I know you can't tell because of how I look right now, but I can be pretty stylish myself.  No.  Really.  I can.  Let me get my phone and I'll show you pictures.  Wait right there.  Wait.  Wait.  Where are you going?  Security?"

So I don't know what to do.  I almost walked up to her the last time I saw her and said, "I just wanted you to know that I think you have a great sense of style", but I thought that would be awfully weird and stalker-y, like I've been watching her for a long time, biding my time [oh, creepy, that is MY LIFE]. 

Plus, I was really sweaty because it was so humid, and nothing auspicious ever starts where only one of the parties is really sweaty.  I think that's the Golden Rule or something.


  1. I think a quick "nice headband" would get the ball rolling. Ask her where she got it maybe.

    Also, I hear you on the constant vigilance. If I am relaxed about even one thing it is bound to snowball and make life a living hell while costing way too much damn money. I am tired of it.

    Also, you should definitely know, my word verification word is sperm. I love it when they're real words. I love it more when they're hilarious real words.

  2. FACT: It is totally difficult to introduce yourself to new folk and be all 'hey let's be friends' without them thinking 'why, do you not already have friends?'

    Plus, I always find it easier with men, because I just start talking to them. Trouble is, a lot of them take my neurotic, skittish manner as FLIRTING. Then things get awkward.

    To conclude, this is why I don't talk to other people. And, therefore, cannot provide any semblance of appropriate advice. I'm sorry.

  3. You're right. Of course. As usual. Both parties must be sweaty for success, otherwise signals may get crossed.

    I've tried the "I like you. Please be my friend. Once you get to know me, I'm really not quite as scary. I mean, don't get me wrong, if you like scary, I can be all sorts of scary. I swear. BOO! See, scary! Oh, you have to wash your hair tonight? Sure. Me too, actually. Maybe we could wash our hair together. No? Oh. OK. Wow, am I the only who's sweating?"

    And that's when I know it won't work out. Because I'm sweating, and she's not. And we're right back where we started. Fucking vicious circles.

  4. Hmmm... have you tried serenading her with Every Breath You Take? It's a good ice-breaker.

  5. KLZ - I'm hoping to get enough courage to do something by the end of the month. I hope. And I also ardently hope we can relax our vigilence at some point. [LOVE your verification word. Too awesome.]

    Jo - Maybe I'll pretend she's a man and flirt . . . no, that will go poorly since the last time I flirted was 18 years ago and I was wasted. Damn. Thanks anyway!

    Alone - Sweating alone is the worst. There is not one single situation where sweating alone has yielded a desired result. Not one.

    Kyknoord - Can we be friends?


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.