Thursday, August 27, 2015

Yearly Motivitation

Just had my yearly mammogram.

I can't stress the importance of this enough, despite the discomfort and the possibility that some old lady will try to steal your dress.

WHAT?

Yes, here it is again, an oldy but a goody:

That Time That I Actually Could Have Used the Fashion Police.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

External vs. Internal Validation

I always get so proud and happy for people who get glowing reviews in the New York Times. (I die of shame for the ones who get the not so great reviews.)

But those who get great reviews? I mean - how awesome is that? That must feel incredible. I know, I know, you're supposed to NOT let externals validate you and your accomplishments, and sure, that's a worthy goal, Mother Theresa, but the reality is, we all feel a little better when someone or something says, "Hey, you know what? SUNIVERSE KICKS ASS." It's an ego boost and something tangible to look at and think about when you're feeling like you don't know what's good about your life.

And what a great way to shut people down:

Annoying Person:  Oh, well, yes, I've been lauded by the community free paper for my yearly recital of Dickens' A Christmas Carol. I do it for the children, of course, but it's nice to be recognized.
You: The motherfucking New York Times said I was luminous.
AP: . . .
You:  That's what I thought.

Or maybe I'm the only one who has those fantasies.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Fly Away

The girl is heading off to college next week.

She has not accepted my idea of Homeschool College as being a solid substitute for going away. I find that unacceptable.

We've had a good summer. Almost no fighting or yelling or sass. It's been . . . nice. Truly. Lots of lazing around when we're all home, watching movies and talking about the world. Spending time at the pool, where I do my water aerobics and she pretends she's not mortified to be seen with me. A nice summer.

And now it's almost over and I really, truly, have to plan the rest of my life. She is looking forward to leaving - to leaping away from me and the husband and the world we've created for her. I'm thrilled for her and so sad for me.

I had a stress dream where I enrolled in school to be with her and she ditched me.

She is ready.

I'm almost ready. The husband is resigned.

It's a good family dynamic to have. It's a good way to set her on her own, to give her the push from the nest.

And I have no master plan on having her move back in when I tell her to major in Gender Issues and minor in Film Studies.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Is this thing on?

HI! REMEMBER ME? I USED TO WRITE HERE.

I'm back.

What have I been doing? The usual life stuff - work, parenting, marriage, etc.

I also had some pretty intense surgery where I had my gall bladder removed because it was inflamed and full of giant stones and my liver had GROWN AROUND IT SO DISGUSTING THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES LIVER.

Anyway, I'm back, bitches.

Here's a story that will get you up to speed on how I'm living my life:

The other day, it was about zero degrees without the wind chill. I had had a long day at work, and was kind of headachey, and realized that I needed an ice cream treat. There's a Culver's nearby, which, if you haven't had their concrete, what the fuck are you waiting for?

I pulled up to the drivethru [it was too cold to get out of my car, but not too cold for ice cream] and ordered my usual giant vanilla concrete with salted caramel - no Heath bars this time, which I'm still kicking myself about.

I had a moment of hesitation while ordering when I saw that the flavor of the day was Boston Creme. But I went with my standby. And then when I got the window, I asked if I could get a sample of the Boston Creme. Which the nice kid gave me.

And then I drove off and stuck the sample spoon in my mouth and thought, "OH MY GOD, SO DELICIOUS."

That thought kept rolling through my brain, even as I stopped across the street to get gas, wondering at how sad my life was that I didn't get the Heath bars and also that I wouldn't be able to have Boston Creme ice cream.

And then I realized I am a grown woman, so I went BACK to the drivethru at Culvers and got a Boston Creme sundae and it took me 3 days to eat it and the original vanilla and salted caramel treat is still sitting in my freezer.

I've missed you all.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Letting go is stupid.

The girl is entering her final year of high school. She's boarded out of state since she was 14. Each year, it has been paradoxically harder to send her off. I think it's because each year, I realize that she is becoming an adult, an adult who is in charge of her own life, a life that will include me a little less as it goes on.

It is fucking painful.

What makes it worse this year is that this summer we've been touring colleges. We first looked at the school the husband and I attended for undergrad - only a 30-40 minute drive away. She'd still live on campus, but we could, theoretically, meet for lunch or dinner. More likely, she could drop off her laundry and we'd make a Costco run for delicious snacks.

I seriously doubt she'll go to school there.

We've also looked at a number of schools out East. We spent several days in New England, and have at least one more trip planned for the Fall. The trip was wonderful, and the bed and breakfast we stayed at was fantastic. [Seriously, hit me up if you need a recommendation for a Bennington, VT, B&B. I have become a B&B-er. I'm not sure how I feel about that.] The trip was hectic - we visited so many schools in a short amount of time - but it was also a fun way for us to spend time together as a family, and for all of us to get an idea of where the girl is headed.

I look at these schools, and I can picture her in any of them. I see her excitement during the tours and info sessions, and her exhilaration after each interview. I'm a little jealous - seriously, these schools offer a TON of cool things - but mostly, I'm happy she's interested in going to college and getting the right experience for her.

And then they talk about internships and summers abroad and programs during breaks and I realize that she'll not only be gone during the school year, but she'll be gone during those times when I jealously guard every moment we spent together.

It is beyond painful.

Where is my little girl who would lay on my as I read her the Harry Potter books? Where is the kid who would talk to me so much - SO MUCH - that I said more than once, "I need you to stop talking now" [it never worked]? Where is my baby?

She's grown up and she's heading off to make her own place in the world, and while on the one hand I'm so proud, on the other, I am seriously, seriously considering Homeschool College as a thing.

She isn't going for it. But she hasn't had the tour yet, so I'm still holding out hope.