Monday, July 19, 2010

I Have a Head Cold, and It Is Also Kicking My Ass

I am on day 3 or 4 of sickness.  I'll say Day 3, because I was functioning on Friday, even though I felt like shit.  Although I was also functioning on Saturday, so maybe it's Day 2.  But then that means I'll be sick longer, so I really want it to be Day 4.  Or Day 100, because then I'd be a medical miracle or something, and I need some validation in my life right now.

Whatever, I've been sick and have had a river of snot rolling from my nose for the past several days.  The truly delightful part is that I can't take decongestants because they make my heart all racy and my body all buzzy, so I try and decongest the old fashioned way, with salt water and humidifiers and crying in the shower, because I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE and my mouth is getting kind of dry.  And that, my friends, is annoying.

But, it has also given me a nice patina of delirium, as I cannot sleep.  I slept about 2 hours last night, total, and about 45-50 minutes this morning.  So I find everything FUCKING HILARIOUS, but also really hard to do.  Like, standing up and not falling over is kind of hard, but then I laugh and laugh about it, because, seriously? WHO CAN'T STAND UP WHEN SOBER? Besides babies and old people and me.  Two of these groups wear diapers.  But in a very non-David Vitter way. [Again, HOW DOES that guy get RE-elected after his constituency finds out he's a diaper-wearing prostitute frequenter?  How shitty is the person who lost to him?]  I don't know why that came up - probably because of the whole lack of sleep thing, and it was funny in my head.  Not funny funny.  More, what the hell? funny. 

The husband and I watched Brian Regan after dinner, and I just about died laughing.  True story:  When I was pregnant we watched him on the Comedy Channel and I swear it kicked me into labor.

Seriously.  He is hilarious.  Girth units, is all I'm going to say.  Wait, also: I'm imploding.  Check him out.  YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Other stuff on my random, fractured mind right now is that the girl is on vacation with my in-laws this week, and she's been a clingy, home-body mess lately, and she keeps saying she really misses us, which makes me sad, but then also makes me wonder if she's going to last the week, even though she is doted on non-stop by the grandparents, and who wouldn't want to stretch that out for as long as possible?  But then I miss her and worry about her being sad and missing us, and then I wonder why she wants to be at home, since I NEVER wanted to be at home, ever, when I was a kid.  It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around the idea that a kid would want to be at home, because to me, home was where you couldn't be yourself.

Also, randomly, what the fuck is the deal with Facebook and people oversharing?  I mean, I get that people do and say stupid things, but on Facebook? Where your whole FAMILY can see what you are saying?  Are people really that dumb? I ask rhetorically because obviously they are, but I'm feeling kind of judge-y [also kind of space-y] so I needed to get that out.

Finally, I need some good, fun, trashy but not stupid book recommendations.  Also, more tissues.


  1. OMG I totally feel like that when I'm sick too! I can't sleep and I can't take any cold meds to sleep or breathe cuz they'll give me a heart attack or brain hemorrhage or something. Good luck! You'll make it through! Also, try Vicks inhaler - it's a little bit of heaven wrapped up in menthol so you can breathe.
    FB is scaring me recently too, it makes me think I need to get rid of like half the creepy folks I'm "friends" with. How do I know these people? Am I that freaky??
    I, currently, am reading a Nietzsche biography so I got nothin' in the fun and trashy department. Heard good things about the Kitty Kelly Oprah bio though.

  2. Sounds horrid. But, you know, kind of humorously horrid.

  3. Tonya - oh, I love Vicks, but I've not used the inhaler before. I'll get on that one for sure. Glad to know that I'm not the only one who suffers like this. Misery loves company, even though Misery is one crazy bitch. PS Are we twins, separated at birth?

    KathyR - If I can't laugh, I will lose my mind. Plus, this way, people can laugh with me and not at me. Right? RIGHT?


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