Monday, August 2, 2010

You would not believe my night. Also, every picture tells a story. Don't it?

So last night, I got suckered by the girl into letting her have some friends over.  I'm still not feeling 100%, but it was a last minute thing so she could see a friend of hers from out of state, and it was only going to be 3 other kids.  I figured that would be fine.

And it was, for the most part.  A friend ended up hanging out with me, and we hadn't seen each other in a while, so that was nice.  I was a bit tired, but enjoyed myself.

Then, the kids left, and my friend and her kid were leaving.  I am a MAJOR bitch about keeping the doors closed, because mosquitoes eat me up like sugar and I hate flies, since our lazy ass cats won't kill them, and lately there's been some sort of fly convention in my house. 

So I was at the front door, making sure to pull it shut as I was waving away my friend, and I notice, a bug.  On my shirt. 

FUCK.

So I started slapping at my shirt to get the bug off OFF OFFFFFF when it shot straight into my bra.  And then I lost my shit.

I'm standing in my front doorway, lit up like I'm on stage, trying frantically to get this bug out of my bra and OFF MY BOOB.  A BUG WAS ON MY BOOB.

I nearly died.

I finally got the bug off of my private parts, wondering how my life is so ridiculous that I was sexually assaulted by a bug, and ran into the bathroom to wash my boob. Because eeewwwww.

And then?  I found bug parts on my person and in my bra.  I had killed the bug with the power of my boob [also, probably due to the slapping].

That was my night.  It was fucking horrible.

***************


Now, had I the presence of mind, I would have taken a photo and entered it in the KICK ASS Raw Photos Contest Andygirl and I are running.  I HIGHLY recommend you enter this contest.  And tell your friends to enter the contest, so you can share your cool photos.  And tell your enemies, so that when you win, you can rub their noses in it.

Just click on the badge over there --------------->

Seriously - enter this contest!  It's better than a bug on your boob.

11 comments:

  1. I think the bug may have been the victim here being killed by a massive breast and all. CSI needs to investigate further.

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  2. you know, sexual assault is never okay. even when perpretrated by a bug. I hope you contacted the proper authorities and reported it (even if that meant you might be accused of murder, but I'm urging you to plead self-defense).

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  3. Poppy - CSI on my boob? Sounds like a pretty good Monday night.

    Andygirl - TOTAL self-defense! Stupid bug - it's traumatized me!

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  4. I currently have fleas (well, my cat, but she's a freaking indoor cat???)...it's like pubic lice for your carpet.
    Anyway, I TOTALLY get the "Fuck Fuck Fuck A Bug!" You should sue. Litigiousness is next to godliness...wait I might have gotten that mixed up. No, no I'm right. Sue. Your nearest entomologist.

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  5. Tonya, I think I love you - pubic lice for your carpet? I have never been happier to have hardwood floors.

    I'm totally suing the closest entomologist. Bastard.

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  6. I think I'm impressed by your boobs ability to kill. My boobs have no ability - to kill or anything really. If a bug landed on my boob, it would probably kill the boob.

    I think I just used the word boob too much.

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  7. Jo, my boobs are damn impressive, but it's something that I try not to make others feel bad about. Your boobs are probably really special in their own way.

    Boobs.

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  8. My boobs can't even maim.

    Also, I have little photographic skill. Unless cutting people off at the knees and getting a lot of ceiling in the picture = skill.

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  9. KathyR - I'm sure your boobs can do some damage.

    I think you can call your photo skills ART. Which takes skill.

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  10. Alone, it was a good way to go. My bosom is fantastic.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.