Thursday, September 23, 2010

Not so helpful

Yesterday was book club day.

I finished The Help and, oh, god, worse than I thought.  I mean, it was bad while I was trying to read it.  Really, awfully AWFUL.  And then it got worse when I read the author's Why I Wrote This blurb and could NOT believe it.

She wrote:  Blah de blah I wanted to talk about the LOVE between black maids and their white employers.


You, privileged white girl, do not get to talk about this.  Not even for a second.  You can talk about how YOU love your black maid, but DO NOT dare to speak for your help.

And stop with the fucking allusions and references to To Kill A Mockingbird.

This? Is a great book.  Your book? NOT THIS BOOK!
You are NOT Harper Lee.

[Neither are you Truman Capote, who I LOVE LOVE LOVE and is NOT the author of To Kill A Mockingbird.]

Anyway, it was an interesting night.  We rate the books [like American Bandstand! A reference only old people will get!] from 1-5, 5 being LOVED it.  Most everyone gave it 4 - 4 1/2.  I gave it a 0.  I said I loathed it and was offended and was stunned that someone would write such a horrible thing.

And, of course, someone had to argue that black maids probably did love their white families, if only the kids.  Yeah.  You know what? I have never been a black maid, but I'm pretty fucking sure none of them loved their white families.  How do you love someone who can immediately, without justification, ruin your life by firing you?

A couple other people didn't care for it, which took some of the heat off of me, and it's not a cantankerous bunch of people, so it wasn't Fight Club Book Club.

Except YUM if it was. Right? DAMN, he looks good.
I would totally do dirty things to him.  Really, really dirty.  Pre-Angelina Jolie, because now? Ew.
It was fine, I guess.  I'm still pissed I read that book.  Like I can't get my brain clean from it. I'm actually kind of surprised they haven't kicked me out, since I've hated every book so far.

Also, I may or may not have said something completely inappropriate to one of the members several years ago.  She was relating a tale, but couldn't remember who said the offensive thing.  I thought [and still do] that it totally sounded like something I would say.

So, in addition to that assault on my sensibilities, earlier this week, a parent discussed with me her dismay at several of the songs with inappropriate language played by the dj at the after school dance.  I really, really, REALLY wanted to say, "Are you fucking crazy? Do you think your kid doesn't listen to this shit? Because they do!"  Also, I'm not the person to be complaining to about foul language.  The breadth and depth and variations of fuck and shit and the like that spew forth from my mouth are stunning.  I'm not going to be all flustered because someone swears in front of my kid.  I was very, very tempted to respond with foul language and the information that my kid listens to Rage Against the Machine and Public Enemy.
Not known for their dulcet language.

They say stuff with swears!
But I didn't.  Because I think I'm maturing.  Or because, seriously? You want to complain about this? Out of all the bullshit things that go wrong in life, THIS is your issue?  I had to listen to MILEY FUCKING CYRUS when I was chaperoning.

Nobody wants to hear this. Nobody.
 Don't complain to me about foul language.


  1. Oh dear. I was going to read that book too.

  2. Cecelia - It was awful. Really. Poorly written. Just bad. Don't waste your time.

  3. I'd rather listen to construction all day than freaking Miley Cyrus. *scrubs ears*

    oh and when I was a kid, I totally used to watch American Bandstand reruns from the sixties and taught myself all kinds of cool dance moves. bandstand! bandstand!

  4. Yes, I think construction has a much better sound.

    I love that you taught yourself all the cool dance moves! The husband and I showed the girl American Bandstand AND Soul Train on youtube. She still has not recovered.

  5. I will be sure not to read that book. It sounds awful.

    As for American Bandstand. I watched them when they were new. I feel even older now.

    And foul language? Unless your kids are in a bubble, they've heard it all. My husband used to drive truck. I know all the words and how to use them. Creatively. However, I have to be nice for my customers, so I tryyyy to keep it clean. Daughter on the other hand could give a rat's ass what other people think. I'm so proud of her.

  6. Ok, you should have just punched that woman in the face and said "I'm Eazy E bitch!" I've found this gets the point across quite well.
    And also, I'm pretty sure Miley hides under my bed at night. (Shudder)
    I can't speak to what races are in your book club but I must say I find it quite disturbing when white folks discuss how black people must have felt back in the day or even yesterday for that matter. I'm whiter than white with a background of Dutchness and I feel as if I can't even speak to how Icelandic Bjork feels and we have the same chalky hue.

  7. Renee - Too horrible for words. Really. I kind of miss American Bandstand. As to language - the woman said "Fricking" and apologized for it, saying, "I've never said 'fricking' in my life this many times." We are NOT the same people.

    Tonya - I miss Easy E! It cracks me up that he hung with the RNC. Yeah, Easy Duz It. As to race, it's all white-y whites in the book club, and I'm kicking myself for not saying, "Really? Would YOU?" in response to "Oh, but I think some of those maids really loved the families they worked for". It still steams me. [Don't look under the bed!]

  8. know what book i won't be picking up... makes me wonder if harriet tubman loved her master? you know, the one who whipped her and smashed lead pipes across her head? nothing says true love like slavery and oppression.

    and the only time i want to hear anything by miley cyrus is when i'm suddenly struck deaf.

    oh, and yes, brad pitt pre-angelina was super hot. post, not so much.

  9. Simone - YES! EXACTLY! How do people say stuff like this? Grr. It's like they don't hear themselves. Or they stop thinking. Also, glad you agree about Brad Pitt. Yum.

  10. I almost launched into a rant about Mandy Moore circa 2002, but then I remembered that she and Miley Cyrus are not the same person.

  11. Alone - It's a close thing, though. They seem pretty similar.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.