Here are some of my dirty little secrets:
* Sometimes I kiss my husband solely to taste the coffee he just drank.
* I pretend that I was in the bathroom when I recognize the caller ID and don't want to talk to the person right at that minute. Then I pretend that I hadn't heard the phone ring and that I didn't check my messages.
* I talk to myself out loud and then pretend I was singing if someone overhears me.
* I ate that candy bar that I told you I threw away.
* I must drive faster than any other car on the road. I HATE being behind people.
* When I do something like wear brown socks with black pants and shoes because I didn't have anything that matched that was clean, I point it out and laugh and say, "Look, I thought they were black!" even when I KNEW they were brown. I don't want people thinking they should call What Not To Wear. [Except I could certainly use the $5,000 shopping spree. Hmm . . . maybe I should keep wearing mismatched clothes.]
* Except - I like to wear matching bra and underwear all the time. Nothing fancy, generally cotton, but it makes me feel better about my day.
* Yes, I am checking out my neighbor's ass. It looks great in his jeans.
* While I am generally very happy for other people's successes, when I feel like they are succeeding while I am not, I find it very hard not to wish them ill.
* The people who are on the PTA do not like being on the PTA. Or at least I don't.