* Sometimes I kiss my husband solely to taste the coffee he just drank.
* I pretend that I was in the bathroom when I recognize the caller ID and don't want to talk to the person right at that minute. Then I pretend that I hadn't heard the phone ring and that I didn't check my messages.
* I talk to myself out loud and then pretend I was singing if someone overhears me.
* I ate that candy bar that I told you I threw away.
* I must drive faster than any other car on the road. I HATE being behind people.
* When I do something like wear brown socks with black pants and shoes because I didn't have anything that matched that was clean, I point it out and laugh and say, "Look, I thought they were black!" even when I KNEW they were brown. I don't want people thinking they should call What Not To Wear. [Except I could certainly use the $5,000 shopping spree. Hmm . . . maybe I should keep wearing mismatched clothes.]
* Except - I like to wear matching bra and underwear all the time. Nothing fancy, generally cotton, but it makes me feel better about my day.
* Yes, I am checking out my neighbor's ass. It looks great in his jeans.
* While I am generally very happy for other people's successes, when I feel like they are succeeding while I am not, I find it very hard not to wish them ill.
* The people who are on the PTA do not like being on the PTA. Or at least I don't.
I used to join the PTA and pretend. By the third kid, I decided I wasn't playing that game anymore. We all have our things, and that just was not mine. Mismatched socks and checking out the neighbor's butt (if I had a neighbor with one I wanted to check out, that is) are about right, though
ReplyDeleteoh, i am SO with you on the matched lingerie thing. i'm usually more in the lacy category, which i totally blame on the fact that my first job was working at victoria's secret. i just don't feel right if my lingerie isn't cute.
ReplyDeletewell who throws away candy bars? that's just wrong on so many levels. :)
ReplyDeletelove ya!
I totally do the sock thing too!
ReplyDeleteThe sock thing is cracking me up because I swear other people have pointed out their mis-matched socks to me and we both have had a good laugh over it...now I'm wondering if she set me up! Haha. I love it!
ReplyDeletei do the singing thing. a lot. sometimes i put my cellphone earpiece in and pretend i'm having a conversation with someone other than myself.
ReplyDelete