Do you even have to ask?

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With...

Guess Who.

Yup.

GP.

That's . . . flattering.

1.  RUINING Glee.  I am still so pissed about that first episode, and now she is going to be back on, as threatened.  I don't even know what I'll do when that episode airs, my anger and indignation will be so immense.

Yeah.  You're AWESOME.  Really.

2.  "Singing" country music.  Leave that to Reese Witherspoon.  Who actually deserved her Oscar.

"I know, Joaquin - I mean, Johnny.  Who does that skank think she is?"

3.  Fucking Goop.  Honest to god.  "I cannot recommend the 21-day version [of a CLEANSE] enough."  That is not only horrific, it's dangerous.  Go back to eating your raw food diet in private, please.  Now where's my steak?  You need to have one, too, GP, because you are looking pasty.  Have some iron.

4.  That smugness.

5.  Telling you to get £100 boots for your KID.  I know that's another GOOP thing, but it's like she's begging me to take her on for every. single. thing. she does there.  Who spends £100 on a child's shoe and thinks its ok to tell the masses that this is a good idea.  At least Oprah has a Good Things show where she'll give her stuff away to the audience.  Evidently GP wants you to sell a kidney. [Thanks to GrandeMocha for this.]

6.  Ruining SNL, which I don't even watch because A) I'm not a fan, and B) It's on past my bedtime, unless I'm hanging out with friends, at which point it is sometimes still past my bedtime and I fall asleep on the couch while ostensibly being part of the conversation, but it still pisses me off, because she thinks she FUNNY now, too.  Which she is most assuredly not.

I don't know who these people are, but they deserve better.

7.  Riding in on Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck's coattails [as well as her parents' & her godfather, Stephen Spielberg's].  Brad Pitt, what the fuck were you thinking? Although what with crazy Angelina Jolie, I guess I get it.  But also?  BEN. AFFLECK? That guy?

Huh.  He is not as hot as I remembered.  Have at him.

8.  Saying Tom Cruise is an amazing kisser.  Seriously?

9. Pissing about the press while whoring yourself for attention.  Just shut it.

10.  Making me spend this much time on someone I find so offensive.

It seems I'm not alone in my disdain.

PS!  There is a lovely, lovely thing going on on Twitter: #PaltrowAdvice.  So. Awesome.  Try your hand at it!