Thursday, January 20, 2011

Do you even have to ask?

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With...

Guess Who.



That's . . . flattering.
1.  RUINING Glee.  I am still so pissed about that first episode, and now she is going to be back on, as threatened.  I don't even know what I'll do when that episode airs, my anger and indignation will be so immense.
Yeah.  You're AWESOME.  Really.
2.  "Singing" country music.  Leave that to Reese Witherspoon.  Who actually deserved her Oscar.
"I know, Joaquin - I mean, Johnny.  Who does that skank think she is?"
3.  Fucking Goop.  Honest to god.  "I cannot recommend the 21-day version [of a CLEANSE] enough."  That is not only horrific, it's dangerous.  Go back to eating your raw food diet in private, please.  Now where's my steak?  You need to have one, too, GP, because you are looking pasty.  Have some iron.

4.  That smugness.

5.  Telling you to get £100 boots for your KID.  I know that's another GOOP thing, but it's like she's begging me to take her on for every. single. thing. she does there.  Who spends £100 on a child's shoe and thinks its ok to tell the masses that this is a good idea.  At least Oprah has a Good Things show where she'll give her stuff away to the audience.  Evidently GP wants you to sell a kidney. [Thanks to GrandeMocha for this.]

6.  Ruining SNL, which I don't even watch because A) I'm not a fan, and B) It's on past my bedtime, unless I'm hanging out with friends, at which point it is sometimes still past my bedtime and I fall asleep on the couch while ostensibly being part of the conversation, but it still pisses me off, because she thinks she FUNNY now, too.  Which she is most assuredly not.

I don't know who these people are, but they deserve better.
7.  Riding in on Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck's coattails [as well as her parents' & her godfather, Stephen Spielberg's].  Brad Pitt, what the fuck were you thinking? Although what with crazy Angelina Jolie, I guess I get it.  But also?  BEN. AFFLECK? That guy?
Huh.  He is not as hot as I remembered.  Have at him.
8.  Saying Tom Cruise is an amazing kisser.  Seriously?

9. Pissing about the press while whoring yourself for attention.  Just shut it.

10.  Making me spend this much time on someone I find so offensive.

It seems I'm not alone in my disdain.

PS!  There is a lovely, lovely thing going on on Twitter: #PaltrowAdvice.  So. Awesome.  Try your hand at it!



  1. Man, that's a lot of anger! I didn't even know she was still famous!

  2. I KNEW you would do this, which is why I didn't do it. I knew I couldn't compete with your reasons. Well done. :)

  3. Shudder shudder shudder!
    You are so funny!! My partner Carrie at adhocmom has a post up about Gwennie too!! You guys are like twins!!
    I will comment what I commented to her:
    Paltrow is the reason birds are falling out of the sky and large herds of cows are falling over dead.

  4. She is really awful. But somehow, I keep going back thinking, well...maybe she's not bad. But then she's horrible. THE WHOLE COUNTRY feels crazed by her. It's so weird. I think she represents the archetypical popular girl in high school. Everyone hates her, but there's something about her that makes her popular in the first place...It deserves a research paper, imho.

  5. There's only one letter separating GP and BP. Discuss.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.