Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I know better NOW

You know how Yahoo! is your home page?

It's not?

Am I the only one a step above the AOL people?

Whatever.

Yahoo! is my home page [which I immediately switch to something else, so I'm not sure why it's my home page. Nostalgia? Possibly. Laziness? Probably.] and even though I KNOW I shouldn't, because it will only make me angry, sometimes I'll click on something despite my better judgment and then I spend the rest of my life trying to wash away the idiocy.

Like this.

Yes, an entire article about how Tom Brady has a magical ass washing toilet and how his teammate loves to use it.

What the FUCK, Yahoo! ????

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?

Now, I'm pretty loosey goosey when it comes to talking to people while I'm using the toilet [fair warning for those of you I'll be seeing at BlogHer or when I break into your house because I need to pee], but to discuss the machinations of a toilet is beyond even what I would do.  [I am also completely offended by those Charmin commercials with the bears. I just . . . it's fucking wrong on so many levels.]

Anyway, I'm sorry, but I couldn't handle having been polluted by this and not discuss it with you.  You're like my giant group therapy sessions and if I could afford it, you'd all get a co-pay.

18 comments:

  1. Hahah yahoo is also my homepage. And yes, I'm also blown away by the stupidity of some of their articles.

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  2. Those bears are nasty. Who leaves bits of toilet paper all over their asses? Stay in the woods, you nasty beasts.

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  3. Tom Brady's "super bowl" - lol (I have a thing for bad puns. It's a sickness.)

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  4. Between the Yahoo home page and Twitter, it's a miracle that I ever get dressed before dinner...

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  5. Google. Google should be your homepage.

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  6. Always thought it was weird that they used a tree as a toilet paper holder.

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  7. Yahoo is my homepage too. I read the headlines and consider myself educated on world affairs.

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  8. I was seriously just thinking this the other day when I saw a commercial about "clean" being "important" to some women and that's why they use this particular brand of toilet paper.

    Because there were ridges or pillow or some such shit.

    And I was wondering this:

    Are the rest of us walking around NOT clean? And what exactly does this say about society as a whole?

    And then I took a shower.
    You know. Just in case.

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  9. Those Charmin commercials freak me the fuck out. As does knowing about the wiping habits of the New England Patriots Offense.

    Wow -- just, wow. I've always thought that they "dug too far" for story lines during media week, but this is just absurd. That said, I fully anticipate Belichick giving Eli a boobie-trapped fancy toilet now, in the hopes of injuring Mario Manningham.

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  10. Why can't he use that goddamn toilet to wash Gisele's mouth out with soap!!! Seriously, I hate her as much as Gwennie Paltrow.

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  11. Those Charmin commercials are the bane of bears everywhere...in fact even bears are saying what the f? And I'll agree with Julie..those commercials with the women talking about how we have to be honest about "what happens in the bathroom" make me want to scream and run away. Seriously people..!!!!

    Oh BTW when I see you at BlogHer I have no issues with people talking to me while I pee...I am a. Fantastic multitasker ;)

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  12. oh i read yahoo stories all the time. they help keep me informed you know. as an example, i just finished reading an article about how the chick who played the teacher in the van halen 'hot for teacher' video is now 60. and still hot.

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    Replies
    1. Those bears. THOSE BEARS.

      I also hate those cat butt magnets. There. I said it.

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  13. You can debrief with me until the cows come home as I have not a single clue what you're talking about. I thought yahoo closed down a decade ago... no idea who Tom Brady is... and not a scrap of a clue about what Charmin might be... or 'the bears'.

    I could google all of those things, but if this bugs you then it is sure as fuck gonna bug me too.

    And so I remain, your blissfully ignorant, teflon coated, devoted servant and secret lover, Sarah xxx

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  14. But. . . But. . . My toilet flushes with a BUTTON. Two buttons, in fact. One for "liquid" and one for "solid" waste.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.