Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Battle of the sexes.

These are things that disgust me when men do them, but that I'm pretty o.k. with when women do them:


Dating / Marrying someone markedly younger. 

Ugh.  Seriously, guys. It's disgusting.  There's no person who is sitting there NOT thinking, "That poor girl is too young to know what an old man's wrinkled area looks like."

When women do it? I applaud, even if I have no other interest in the people involved.  For example, go on with yourself, Mariah Carey.  Good for you.


Peeing outside [not when you're camping, but when you're in civilization].
Guys, it just seems like you're trying too hard to be a badass and you just end up looking like a doofus who has bladder control issues.

Ladies? Pee away.  That bathroom line is too long and if you can manage this and not wet your pants? You're a fucking genius.

Making a big deal about ordering your food.
I get it, people have allergies and preferences.  But when a guy starts to pull a When Harry Met Sally, you know he's got a long list of Dos and Don'ts that you'd better follow, most of them dealing with not talking when he's talking or thinking and also what you should wear.

Gals? Order that sandwich just the way you like it.  You don't need to ask twice.

Swearing
Actually, I'm o.k. with everyone doing this.

14 comments:

  1. As for the dating/marrying older men: old men give you worms. Truth.

    I've always wanted to master the art of the outdoor pee resulting in no pee anywhere other than the ground. Usually no matter how badly I have to go it simply refuses to comply (except for this one time in Baltimore after about 17 green apple martinis and sadly, I don't remember how that ended).

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  2. "You don't need to ask twice" - That just tickled me!

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  3. Recently I heard a guy say that he finds it really disgusting when women talk about going to the bathroom (agreed) and when they swear. The fuck? That's bullshit. I wanted to tell him it's really unattractive when he opens his mouth and voices his opinion.

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  4. As far as peeing outside goes, i have a girlfriend that SWEARS that she can do it standing up----she says, "hook,and lift". Yet I haven't gotten drunk enough to try it. Which may not help my success rate anyway.

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  5. I am confused by "hook and lift,"and yet also, intrigued. I have discovered the hard way that peeing outside is way the hell easier if you're wearing a skirt. Wearing pants? Really tricky. It helps to also do that weird yoga pose where you pretend to sit in a chair but there's nothing there? Yeah. That pose is ALL ABOUT peeing outside. Also useful for disgusting toilets of all sorts.

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  6. I want to comment but I can't stop laughing at Arenbya's comment. Worms. HA ...of fucking course!

    And deborah has figured out why I wear skirts so often. ;)

    Love you Suni! Xo

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  7. I want to comment but I can't stop laughing at Arenbya's comment. Worms. HA ...of fucking course!

    And deborah has figured out why I wear skirts so often. ;)

    Love you Suni! Xo

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  8. What really irritates me is when a guy rudely takes your hand lotion out of the side pocket of your car door, thus leaving your hands feeling all dry and chappy, even though it was NOT his hand lotion to take and leave in the trunk because that's where he used it prior to golfing, and then having him so RUDELY refuse to acknowledge the fact, that it was INDEED A VERY FRICKIN' BIG DEAL to move the hand lotion.

    Right? You need a paragraph about that. Because I would guess that 95% of women would find this sort of thing to be an egregious violation of female toiletry etiquette and an invasion of don't-move-the-shit-in-MY-car-and-then-not-put-it-back policy.

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  9. Francerants, I don't want a man touching anything in my car, the radio, the heat, my sunglasses, etc. I have pulled over to the side of the road & threatened to kick them out.

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  10. I love you for so many reasons - and now there's so many more! I totally agree with you on all accounts! xo

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  11. Agreed on all counts. The peeing outside in the city thing kills me. I remember making a really bad decision when my daughter was a baby and had fallen asleep in the car. Not wanting to wake her by taking her out of her car seat, I pulled over in a parking lot and opened a book to read. Not five minutes into it, I looked up to realize I'd parked in the homeless dude pee zone. There were like four of them lined up peeing right in front of my car, which was next to a row of thick bushes. Awkward.

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  12. But Nick Cannon is the coolest dude ever.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.