Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A couch is a lifetime commitment.

The husband and I went furniture shopping over the weekend.  Our living room couch is . . . hmmm . . . how to put this so we don't sound like vagrants?  It's fucked.  It sags almost to the floor and there's no way to fix it that wouldn't equal the cost of a new sofa. 

So off we went.

I will spend lavishly and sometimes foolishly on things for the husband and the girl. I'm getting better about purchasing things that I need for myself.  A sticking point remains - I have the worst time buying furniture.  It should NOT cost that much money to purchase something that I'm not going to have sex with. Or something.  You know what I mean. 

We had a pretty good idea in mind of what we were looking for [a smallish couch and possibly a loveseat] and an idea of what we'd spend [Me: as close to $0 as I could get; the husband: just buy the goddamn thing, we can't get up off the couch anymore without doing squats].  We checked out some stores and, as I got over the sticker shock, we almost settled on a couple of pieces [and a new ottoman storage thing! and a chair! Because why not spend money like we're printing it in the basement? NOTE: IRS and the girl's school, we are NOT printing money in our basement.], when I had SPENDING PANIC and decided we needed to check one more store.

The husband shrugged and muttered something about "goddamn lawyers and their due diligence" and we drove over to the other super-fancy store. 

We walked through the fancy store's double doors with their "PLEASE CLOSE DOORS" signs posted on them and made our way into what looked like every piece of French Provincial furniture remaining in this country.  Our circuit through the store took us past a lot of overly done furniture groupings, and any number of salespeople, none of whom greeted us.  Evidently they have monitors in the parking lot and our 2007 automobile broadcast that we weren't worthy of their notice.

We made our way back toward the entrance, and while there wasn't anything there that I would have purchased, I was pissed that these fuckers didn't think I was worth even a fake smile.  As we walked out, I said to the husband, "You know what I want to do? Keep this door open." He didn't even say anything in response, just pushed the door until it stuck open and we got into our car and went back to buy the furniture we had selected.

This, I think, is why we're still married.


  1. I've never even met your husband and I love him for that.

  2. A man who knows when to indulge your (rightfully) evil side is a precious gift indeed.

  3. I make it a point to look as poor as possible when shopping for big ticket items,just to see. Your hubs is great. BTW - it took me 4 years to pick out a couch.

  4. I love him too.

    I bought a sofa recently - a 1960s red velvet sofa from a thrift store that had been donated by a brothel. A BROTHEL. I didn't even think about it for a second - just handed over my credit card. Sometimes an impulse purchase is better than sex.

    And so is a good husband.

    Remember me? We used to be lovers. I miss you. SS xxx

  5. I have been furniture shopping at thrift stores lately. Found an awesome china cabinet that needs a little love. Craig's List is good, too, if you are wiling to risk other people's germs, an issue for some.

  6. Oh, this made me laugh.

    And I don't know if I knew that you were a lawyer before now. I knew you were awesome, surely, but the lawyer thing might be new. I don't know.

    I hate spending money on furniture. Truly . . . it drives me batty. The only furniture in my house that's even halfway-decent was either purchased for me or given to me because I agreed to take something that someone else had grown tired of.

  7. now that's love! gah, I hate it when the staff purposely snub you. And I really really hate being bothered by salespeople in any situation. Being ignored by them is still unacceptable, though... I need help, clearly.

  8. And now I wants to marry the twos of you. I need a new sofa for the living room and to move the one that the boy ripped into the basement. But to replace it...my ass goes on it and sometimes it's bare. You want me to pay what?

  9. Name names here. Where did you buy & where were you ignored? I hope Gorman's wasn't snooty. I send everybody there.

    I'm still mad at Honda because they ignored me at a dealership when I went to buy a car. I had inherited $ & could pay cash. I asked a group of salesmen where the nearest Honda dealership was that would sell me a car because obviously no one there was interested. They gave me directions to another dealership. Never bought a Honda.

    I need new living room furniture. I want exactly what I had before the kid and cats and sunlight messed it up.

  10. I hate shopping for furniture for the same reason I hate buying a new car. Salespeople. Which is why I drive a 2006 Kia and sit on a faux leather sectional that is peeling like a bad sunburn.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.