I had a dream the other night that I was driving down the street where the Memorial Day parade happens where I grew up. During the parade. While going the wrong direction. I was not actually part of the parade, but thought it had ended and was trying to get home. I still waved at people. They looked at me like I was weird.
I think that dream kind of sums up my life. I get that vague sense that I'm going in the wrong direction, always against the fun stream, trying to make the best of the situation and getting weird looks as a result.
I know, I know. EVERYONE thinks they're weird and awkward. And maybe we all are. But I'm kind of tired of feeling like I'm pushing against the tide where, even if they all think they're weird, people are at least moving in the same direction and are acting like they're having fun.
My brother- and sister-in-law were in town recently, and they've just moved to a new city. They asked the husband and me what we do now, who we hang out with. And I realized that we hang out with each other, mostly. We have another couple that we see once a month or so, but that's about it. I see my friends - when I'm convinced I have them, which is seldom - not that often. I know we're all busy, and I do have things three nights a week that preclude me getting together with people, but I feel like actual interactions have fallen by the wayside.
Why is that? I want to be more social. I love getting together with people. I'm just tired of always doing the asking and hosting for parties and dinners.
Is this happening with everyone, or did I suddenly become a social pariah? Do I have spinach in my teeth? Seriously, do you feel this way, too? Or is it just me?