I had a dream the other night that I was driving down the street where the Memorial Day parade happens where I grew up. During the parade. While going the wrong direction. I was not actually part of the parade, but thought it had ended and was trying to get home. I still waved at people. They looked at me like I was weird.
I think that dream kind of sums up my life. I get that vague sense that I'm going in the wrong direction, always against the fun stream, trying to make the best of the situation and getting weird looks as a result.
I know, I know. EVERYONE thinks they're weird and awkward. And maybe we all are. But I'm kind of tired of feeling like I'm pushing against the tide where, even if they all think they're weird, people are at least moving in the same direction and are acting like they're having fun.
My brother- and sister-in-law were in town recently, and they've just moved to a new city. They asked the husband and me what we do now, who we hang out with. And I realized that we hang out with each other, mostly. We have another couple that we see once a month or so, but that's about it. I see my friends - when I'm convinced I have them, which is seldom - not that often. I know we're all busy, and I do have things three nights a week that preclude me getting together with people, but I feel like actual interactions have fallen by the wayside.
Why is that? I want to be more social. I love getting together with people. I'm just tired of always doing the asking and hosting for parties and dinners.
Is this happening with everyone, or did I suddenly become a social pariah? Do I have spinach in my teeth? Seriously, do you feel this way, too? Or is it just me?
Um...get out of my brain. I'm serious. I, too, feel that if anything is ever going to happen we need to be the hosts. Otherwise (a) things happen and we're not invited or (b) nothing ever happens.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe nothing ever happens for real. Maybe there aren't a ton of fun things happening which we're excluded from. But I still feel as though I'm standing by the wayside much of the time.
Still, I like the company I'm with at home, so it's okay.
Keep this is mind, though: In our hyper-connected society, we're becoming less physically connected and more self-contained. Many people are just chilling at home on the internet or texting or something. Also? Maybe everyone sees you as the gatherer, the one who gets people together, and expects that you'll do so.
I feel this way sometimes, but the majority of my friends are nearby or no more than a bitch, I'm comin' down this weekend drive away. I've decided I'm oversaturated with social shit that doesn't have me being SOCIAL so I'm stepping from back Instagram and a bit from Facebook (Twitter is still my love. I LOVE YOU, TWITTER!) I do try to get out often but I don't go out as often as my friends (who ask me but I'm lazy and then get angry when they're posting pics and I'm all like y'all hate me.)
ReplyDeleteI have felt this way in the past, and it sucks. It's like, you don't mind doing the asking/hosting/work/inviting, but then you start to feel like a sucker, and I despise feeling like a sucker. But we've been mindblowingly lucky here - we lucked into a tight group of four families who all had kids at the same time and it's pretty even for people hosting stuff or coming up with ideas for group outings. From what I've seen, though, this is not a common thing. I did have a couple of friends who I always felt like I was pestering to pay attention to me but they had other friends that they always seemed to have time for. I cut those bitches loose.
ReplyDeleteI get this feeling, too. I'm an introvert by nature but have some great friends. I feel like it is always me doing the hosting, planning and inviting when sometimes I just want to be a guest. Which makes me paranoid that nobody invites me because we are not as good of friends as I think. Cue spiraling out of control. Hang in. At least in my experience, the craziness ebbs and flows.
ReplyDeleteI always plan it even though it is my husband that wants to have people over. He doesn't plan. He wings it. Drives me crazy!
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling this way for awhile, I know the causes: (1) I have a 3 YO so getting out requires a sitter, planning, etc; (2) husband and I both work full time outside the home; (3) 10 YO son is involved in sports 3 nights a week with at least one game per weekend; (4) homework must be done by 10 YO at some point; (5) the house and everything in it needs not to fall down around my ears from lack of care; and (6) every parent I know is in more or less this same situation to one degree or another. Nevertheless, I wish there were more hours in the day or more weekend days or magic existed or whatever because this schedule is killing mine and my friends' ability to actually, physically connect. I know it won't be this way forever, but I'm worried my friends and I won't even remember we are friends by the time we get there. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThe husband and I spend so much time together and we are super weird. So much so that we have to repeatedly remind each other when we're out with other people that we need to not be so weird. We only have, like, three friends and we'd like to keep them.
ReplyDeleteYep, yep, that describes me to a tee. I want to say we are around the same age, maybe that has something to do with it?
ReplyDeleteI spent my teens and all my 20s out. All the time. Every night. Around 30 I guess I crashed and stayed that way for...too long. Now I'd like to be more social, but it doesn't ever seem to work out. Every one is crazy busy, and some of our friends have kids now, so they hardly have time to breathe, much less go to dinner.