Thursday, March 7, 2013

Aren't you curious? Even a little?

What it's like to be married to me:

The husband shows me the New York Times front page photo of a woman mourning the death of Hugo Chavez*: This is how you'd want people to react to your death, isn't it?

Me: Duh! Strangers weeping in the street? OF COURSE.  Let's get on that.


Me, on the phone with the husband as I'm driving home from the grocery store:  I would cut a bitch for a soft serve frozen yogurt right now.

The husband: I would love to see that happen.  "Well, the girl is out of rehab now; it was pretty hard on her what with you going to prison for stabbing someone for a soft serve."

Me:  I have to keep it real.  I could totally see myself launching over a McDonald's counter, screaming, "GIVE ME A CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA SWIRL, MOTHERFUCKER!"

The husband: It would not surprise me one bit.  At least you look good in orange.

Me: I'm going to need lots of moisturizer.


Me:  I'm going to bed now.

The husband: O.k. Goodnight.

Me, continuing to stand in the hallway: I said, "I'm going to bed now."

The husband: . . .

Me: Come and tuck me in.

The husband, getting up: Seriously?

Me: Yes. I'm tired. And cranky. Come and tuck me in. But first plug in my phone.  And I need water. 

The husband: Seriously?

Me:  You're lucky you're married to me. 

The husband: I remind myself of that every day.


* I am actually pretty bummed about Hugo Chavez dying. He was one of my favorites. Looks like it's all Fidel, all the time now. 

Hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty much recuperated from my surgery and its aftermath - just tired, still, and going to bed at 9:00 every night like an invalid.


  1. I always go to bed before 9pm. it's true.

    you would look great in orange..but don't do it, I'll just bring you a cone of soft serve.

    and I'm glad you have a husband who tucks you in, gets you a water and plugs in your phone..I thought I was the only one. :)

    glad you're feeling better sweets.

  2. I haven't been in bed, let alone asleep, before 9 in a month of Sundays unless I was sick. I LOVE to be tucked in. With my phone. And a book. And a glass of something not water. I will admit to occasionally feeling stabby about needing a Pepsi (which I've given up, yet again. And it usually only happens when I go into the cvs near me that never has regular pepsi and then I remember ONCE I'M INSIDE AND THERE ARE NONE and I have to ask myself yet again, Self, what the fuck? Why you can't remember this?"

    Glad recuperation is going well; mail me a codeine pill or five.

  3. Oh, this started off with a bang.

    TOTALLY GET YOU: rendering of garments and all.

  4. I want somebody to get me water and plug my phone in, take care of ME! Lucky girl! Hope you are almost recovered.

  5. Surgery? I have a lot to catch up on.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.