Wednesday, August 25, 2010

In pretend land

I was raised to excel.  To be the best.  Things were never good enough - they always had to be perfect.

I'm not blaming my parents; well, maybe.  But most importantly:  It's also how I am.  I WANT to be the best.  I NEED to be superlative in all that I do.  Even stuff I don't WANT to do.

For example:  I am not a fan of housework.  I love a clean house, and thanks to years of training, I have almost a sickness about finding dirt and noticing where things are NOT CLEAN.  Like, I'll wake up thinking that I should wash the walls and the ceiling [again] because it's been about a year.  And while I'm doing that, I should take apart the curtain rods and clean those [and obviously the curtains] and wash my pillows, pillow covers [not pillow cases, the these are like slips for pillows] and the mattress pad and also turn and vacuum the mattress and wouldn't it BE AWESOME to get that shark steamer to steam clean my mattress and box spring? And be sure to once again clean each and every. single. slat on my head- and foot-board, which looks like this:

 Except my bed is somehow more slatt-y and has WAY cooler linens.

And also clean the linens.

And so on through the rest of the bedroom.   And house.

And I don't even LIKE TO CLEAN.  I mean, I love a clean house, but it's quite obvious that I'm not obsessing about it by actually doing it.  Instead, I obsess about wanting my house to be perfect, but not doing much about it.

Which puts me in an awkward position, psychically & emotionally, because I feel like I should have a SPARKLING CLEAN HOUSE.  My house should be the best, in the clean sweepstakes, and I should be the BEST housekeeper, even though that's not something I want to excel at.

I want, desperately and poignantly, to be o.k. with being a mediocre housekeeper.  I want mediocre to be o.k. I want to accept being mediocre and not have it be a judgment on my soul.  I want to look at my mediocre housekeeping skills and say, "You know what? Good enough is fine."  Mediocre shouldn't be a bad thing when you don't actually want to be the best.

I want not to WANT to win. 

I want to be mediocre and I want to be o.k. with that.

I hope I get there soon, because the curtains in my office are looking like they need to be cleaned again.  It's been a year.

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  1. sounds like your fairy godmother needs to get you a house cleaner.

    except, in my case, I would think I could do a better job than the house cleaner.

    so it's a problem.

  2. Hmmm. You don't suppose you could come stay at my house for a few weeks, huh? I've never washed a wall in my life.

  3. you are so right! why be uber-good at something like cleaning? it's not like that gets you further ahead in life!

    thanks for joining in WUY!

  4. I too have never washed a wall. And cleaning the curtain rods would never, ever have occurred to me. Ever.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that there are other things like that that I could be obsessing about. But I prefer not to know. Because I won't do it. And I like to win. Conundrum.

  5. Did you read my post last week about cleaning?! I'm one of those weird people that is actually obsessive compulsive about it and I hate it! Oh, to be a mediocre house cleaner would be awesome and just fine by me!

  6. I have those same slats on our bed and yeah...I dust the edges and have no problem with that. Here's to a being a mediocre cleaner! I wish I could help!

  7. Andygirl - I agree, my fairy godmother needs to get off her ass and do some good in my world.

    KathyR - I thought EVERYONE washed their walls. Seriously. I was stunned when I found out people didn't.

    Liz - Thanks! And unless I'm in the Cleaning Olympics, there's no point in trying to excel.

    KLZ - Oooh, that's tough. I think you should just go through life with blinders on.

    Natalie - No! I didn't, but I'm going to now. And yes, it would be great to be a mediocre housekeeper and be o.k. with that.

    Rhonda - It's like a sickness. I see those slats and I HAVE TO clean between each of them. GRRR.


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