This one time I was sleeping, and . . .

I'm a pretty vivid dreamer.  I also am not a solid sleeper - I wake at least three times a night.  Fully awake, not just roll over and go back to sleep.  I generally do fall back asleep pretty quickly, but sometimes it's hard.

It's particularly hard after I've had a nightmare.  I still have those.   Not the anxiety or panic induced kind, where I'm naked or I'm late for an exam or a meeting - although I have A LOT of those.  Particularly the naked ones.  In my dreams, I always think initially it's a good idea to be naked and go to the mall, but then I get there and realize that pants would have been a great option.

But I digress.

My nightmares are scary nightmares, filled with ghosts and monsters. 

Once, I was sleeping and I dreamed that a ghost had picked me up and was tossing me around my living room and hallway.  I distinctly felt myself butting up against the ceiling.  I was afraid - no, I was terrified.  It got worse when my daughter came in and asked if I was o.k.  Not wanting to scare her, I said that everything was fine, I was fine, just playing.  But that feeling that something else was in control, that I couldn't act to save myself, was horrifying.

I woke up panting.   I was scared, but didn't want to wake my husband [I save waking him for panic attacks].  I decided to go to the bathroom, but that meant leaving the relative safety of my room and going into the hallway.  And looking into the living room. 

I did it.  But I'm not kidding when I tell you that I wouldn't look directly into the living room and I made sure that every light I could turn on was on and I don't think I've ever peed and wiped faster.

I still remember that feeling - tearing me from sleep, that residual fear or being unable to control myself.

Hmmm . . . maybe that was an anxiety dream, too.