Sunday, August 22, 2010

Rewind Review - Cheesy Vampire Goodness

You know how you are just now watching/reading/hearing that thing that everyone was talking about 1/2/10/15/20 years ago?  Or maybe you're revisiting something you LOVED and want desperately to talk about it to someone who cares?  Well, this is my forum to discuss that thing.  Join in, make suggestions, read my genius thoughts about that old school thing.  [Not to be confused with Old School, the movie, or being old school.  Although either of those may come up in the future.]


The husband and I went to Target yesterday to get cleaning supplies and fill yet another of my prescriptions [which, by the way, I thought was only for a week long supply, and it turns out I have to use that mouth coating Advair inhaler for another MONTH.  A MONTH.  Fuck.] and we decided to see if there were any $5 movies available, which would make for a super cheap date night.  Along with the cleaning supplies.  Do we know how to live?

We ended up picking up The Lost Boys, on sale for $4.75.  Total deal. 

It was made in 1987 and stars Kiefer Sutherland, and oh, my LORD, he is yummy.

Seriously.  Look at this guy:

 I would totally be his vampire wife.  Even with the mullet.  Yes.  I would forgive the mullet.  Because look at him.

This movie is so very, very 80s.  It's got tons of 80s actors acting their little hearts out: Jami Gertz as Star [I know, right? STAR)]; Jason Patric as Moody Older Brother [dude needs to stop being such a fucking douche. Actual depressives aren't that despondent]; Diane Weist, pre-Law & Order; Richard Gilmore [Lorelai's Dad from the Gilmore Girls]; and THE COREYS!!!

 I don't remember which is which, so we'll call them Left Corey and Right Corey. 


They are truly hilarious in this movie.  The Left Corey wears everything Don Johnson ever wore all at once and the Right Corey is a badass vampire hunter/comic book seller.  I think they have the best lines in the movie.

Anyway, in case you don't remember or, god forbid, you've never seen it, what happens is Diane Weist gets a divorce and moves her and her kids [Stupid Jason Patric and Left Corey] to Santa Clara, CA, to live with her dad, who is a weirdo taxidermist.  She ends up working for and dating Richard Gilmore.  Stupid Jason Patric ends up trying to make it with Star, who is a newbie vampire.  Kiefer is the badass leader of the boy vampires, all of whom sport FANTASTICAL mullets.  Seriously.  See this movie, if only for the scene where they are sleeping upside down and the back of their mullet hair is hanging like a foot down from their heads.  Spectacular.

O.k., this is the best photo I could find of their hair.  See how it's all mullety?  Now imagine them hanging upside down.  Brilliant, right?  Joel Schumacher knew what he was doing!

Anyway, The Coreys [and Right Corey's brother] try to kill the head vampire to free Stupid Jason Patric from the evil vampire spell.  I won't spoil it by telling you who is the head vampire or how that person gets killed. 

I do recommend seeing this movie, as it is cheesy, hilarious, and kind of gory.  Maybe a bit scary, depending on your level of fright.

Oh.  And as an added bonus?  Right at the beginning of the movie, there is the greatest, most awful thing ever in the history of music and movies:

Here's the You Tube link.  Enjoy!

So, in summary:
Jason Patric can suck it.
The Coreys are hilarious.
Team Kiefer all the way.


  1. Left Corey is Corey Haim and Right Corey is Corey Feldman (whom I had a HUGE crush on! oh ba-by).

    that sucks about the Advair. I was on that once too. you know what I think a big contributing factor was? pollution. I'm convinced the cleaner air up here in Oregon is going to improve my breathing.

  2. Team Freaking Keifer!

    I was so hot for him as the bad boy in Stand By Me, but my mom wouldn't let me see The Lost Boys.

    Time to rectify that, I think.

  3. Andygirl - I love that you had a crush on a Corey! That's awesome, and thanks for naming them. I'm not enjoying the Advair because my mouth has a coating on it now. I wouldn't doubt pollution being a factor, since I live in the city.

    Moveovermarypoppins - HELL YES! Kiefer RULES. I forgot about him in Stand By Me. YUM. You need to see this movie. Trust me.

  4. Now I totally want to watch that movie again!!
    All I can think about though is how Julia Roberts left hot mullet Keifer for his BFF Stupid Jason Patric just days before they were going to be married. And now she's running all over Bali with the guy who hacked up people in No Country for Old Men.

  5. Can I join another team, the movie was kick ass...but all those vampires are dudes. :(

  6. Tonya, Ugh. Do NOT get me started on Julia Roberts. But thank god she's so flighty, or poor mullety Kiefer would have had it worse!

    Urban Cowboy, you could be Team Star! That movie WAS kick ass. It gets better with subsequent viewings.

  7. Left Corey and Right Corey is how I'll refer to them from now on.

  8. Alone, glad that I could sort that out for you!


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