Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Do the ends justify the means? Do they REALLY?

I like to be right.


I LOVE to be right. And not only do I love to be right, I want people to understand when they are wrong.  Like, I want to rub their noses in it, make sure they understand what I'm saying, repeat back to me why they are wrong, agree that they are wrong, and apologize for it.

I know, I know.  I'm working on it.

Of particular concern are times when I am dealing with asshats.  I'm sure you have them in your life, too.  Asshats who are oblivious to their idiocy and who somehow, smugly, think they are pulling something over on you.  That they're smarter than you.


Anyway, I had this situation come up the other day.  I got a phone call, let's just say from someone who is a complete asshat, but who luckily I do not have to deal with on a regular basis.

Back up - the reason she'd called me was to get the lowdown on a planned event that we are all attending in a month or so.  I'm evidently organizing this by default.  Lucky me.

So the plan is, we'd all go to the event and then get hotel rooms and hang out in the evening, since we are all coming from at least 2 hours away.

Well, Asshat calls me and asks what the situation is, and what she's expected to do.  Again, I had no idea I was suddenly planning this, but there you go. So I said I'd think about it and get back to her. I asked if Asshat was planning on staying the night, and she said, no they had to get back for some lame reason.

And I wanted to explain to her that I knew her reason was lame.  And I knew that she was acting all put upon and could not possibly commit to staying the night and I was ready to argue that she needed to amend her plans because she was wrong wrong WRONG.  Her reasons were ridiculous and not justifiable.  And we both knew it.  But she thought that she was in the right. WHICH SHE WAS NOT.

And then I stopped.

Because although my arguments were RIGHT, and although Asshat was WRONG, I knew that the best case scenario was to NOT spend that much time with Asshat.

But I'm having a hard time letting it be a win/win situation.  Because she is WRONG. And I am RIGHT. And I need people to understand when they are WRONG.  And admit it.  Even though the best result is to just let it all go.  It's o.k. that she wins if I win, too.

And yet it is not.  It eats at me.

God.  I really am an asshat.

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  1. I had this trouble on a daily basis until I stopped caring about everything all together. :)

  2. Cecelia - Excellent plan. I think I'll work on that.

  3. I often find that my grandmother has these same sort of asshat tendencies. She always thinks she's right because she's old but in reality, she's always wrong because she's old. Somehow everyone else in my family is able to ignore it, but I can't.

    And then I feel bad for thinking my grandmother is an asshat.

  4. Amber - Old people are sneaky that way. They know they could never take you in a fight, so they have to use mindgames to keep you in line. It's just science.

  5. I so understand. The ones that make it seem as though you are at fault for not accomodating them.

    I employ 15 asshats. The other 5 have some intelligence.

  6. Renee - exactly! I HATE when people are in the wrong and they make it seem like I am. Grr. Sorry about your employees. That blows.

  7. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am always right so of course that means everyone else is always wrong. I'm learning to just smile smugly and let it go, laughing inside as they go about living their lives the completely wrong freaking way! One day they will wish they had my wisdom!

  8. Congrats. You are growing up. I didn't do that until I was like, 49. Oh wait. I'm only 47. Whatev. We know she's wrong, and chances are she does, too, which is why she's being such an asshat.

  9. it's hard, but try not to let the asshat pull you down to her level! be better than the asshat. ;)

  10. Chicken's Consigliere - ha. At least you are on your way to growing up, too. Are we? I hope she knows she's wrong. But I want punishment, too.

    Andygirl - it IS hard! Grrr. So frustrating.

  11. Carol - I must practice my smug smile. That's got to be a help.

  12. I struggled with this greatly when my SMIL skipped Alex's first birthday party because of foot surgery she'd schedule for an ailment we'd heard nothing about. While I desperately didn't want her to be there I also was very, very, very tempted to let her know what an asshat she was being.

    But I kept my mouth shut. Because what if she'd come?

  13. KLZ - Yes! See? This is why it's such a fraught situation - you want them to know that you're on to them, but then you'd be miserable. Grr.


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