The Dumb [And the Not So Dumb - UPDATED!]

These are dumb things I do.  Not just once or twice, but on a regular basis.

Pray for me.

*  Using my wet hands to turn on the light switch.  Not a big deal? Did I mention that this light switch does not have a switch plate and is not grounded, so it's just basically a switch in a hole in a wall.  Which has been painted.  I'm not sure why there's no switch plate when the wall has already been painted.  It's been at least 6 years.

Like this. Except instead of a screwdriver, there's just water dripping off my hand.

* Burning mix CDs onto my iTunes, but there's no info and I don't necessarily know the names and artists, so I sit there, trying to listen intently and get the words and type them into Google and hope I strike a match, wishing there was some way, SOME WAY that I could Google the music itself.  You know what? THERE IS!  SHAZAM! It's on my fucking phone.  Which is sitting right in front of me.

*Related - downloading a song that I ALREADY HAVE on my iTunes.  I want my fucking 99cents back.  I would pay huge money for the app that keeps my from re-purchasing music on iTunes.

* Calling people by the wrong name because: Their name seems like the kid name and the kid's name seems like the grown up name; I knew someone with a similar name; mishearing the name and spending several years thinking their name was something completely different.

* Forgetting to turn on the timer in the kitchen when I'm cooking. Or the timer on my phone. Or any of the several timers I've downloaded onto my computer because I know I'm so shitty at setting the kitchen timer.  So stuff burns and then we have no dinner, like we're Dickens' characters, waiting for porridge and then the evil workhouse matron let it burn.  [I am somehow both the poverty-stricken orphan and the evil matron in this scenario.  Keep up, people.  Keep up.]

Gorgeous, right? I WANT! I would TOTALLY set this timer. Really.  I would.

* Slicing and peeling vegetables with a pretty wickedly sharp paring knife NOT on the cutting board but instead by holding the vegetable in one hand and then using the knife to cut TOWARD me.  And then I wonder why I end up with tiny little slices on my thumbs.

* Going to the bathroom without shutting the door. When there are people over.


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Now here's the NOT Dumb thing I do:  Write something hilarious for Secret Society of List Addicts.  It will make you laugh, cry, sing.  Seriously.  It will change your life.  Check it out.