Monday, September 27, 2010

Murphy's Law - Or just how fucked up life can be.

It never fails, does it?

Yesterday, things were going really well.  I finally felt not-sick for the first time in months [Seriously.  Since July.] and I wasn't stressed because I'd spent the previous few days really working toward life and career goals.  I cleaned my house - I even did the windows! They are so shiny!  I made a nice, homemade chicken pot pie for dinner.  The girl had her friends over and they were studying and giggling.

It was going well.

And then.

And then, we got really crushing financial news.  Just so fucked up it's beyond telling.

And, I somehow knew it.  Back in the deep, dark recesses of my soul, I knew that it would happen.  Not this specific thing, but that something horrible was in the offing.

I have this theory that when I remark about something negative in someone's life, it's going to happen to me.  It's a theory I came up with years ago when I felt like my life was falling apart [and it kind of was].  Like, and I won't use real-life examples, because they are still too fucked up, but let's just say this scenario happens:

Me:  I can't believe that person's skin turned blue! What the fuck? That's crazy! How could that happen?

Cut to - a year or four or ten years later, and I have blue skin, and no idea how it's there and there's nothing to do to fix it.

That kind of thing.

It's enough, really, to make me believe in god, except I don't think god takes kindly to people who just show up when the shit has completely hit the fan and there's nothing else around.  I know A LOT of people find god in prison, but I'm thinking that maybe at that point, god isn't paying that much attention.  Like, god's sitting there and saying, "Huh.  So you killed a bunch of people and NOW you're sorry and want help? Back of the line, buddy."  And god may or may not get to you, but the odds are not good.

I'm not sure why I think god is like the DMV on a Saturday, but there it is.

So I'm trying to see this as a crisitunity, or at least a teaching moment - that stressing is not going to help either the situation or my well-being.  I'm going to buckle down and do my best to fix this one thing, because that's really all I can do.

But it doesn't stop me from wondering why bad shit keeps happening.  Why things are so fucking awful.  Why nothing I do to help actually helps and instead makes things worse.  And when it's going to change.


  1. Although I do not know the specifics, know that you are not alone. We've been on a two-year financial roller coaster with no end to the gut-twisting ride. The thing that kills me the most? I thought I did everything right: went to school, got degree, saved like crazy, frugal to the point of pain, paid off all debt, etc. And yet -- we are in this hole.

  2. I so know what you're saying.
    Hold on to those good days. That warm and fuzzy stuff can keep you sane. Just keep plugging away, things seem to work themselves out. Sometimes it feels like it takes forever, and then there are the times it seems like it's just one thing after another.
    I keep telling myself, these are are tests. And someday, I'll graduate.

    So keeping working on that masters in life degree. And wrap yourself in the love of family and friends on those days that seem impossible.

  3. MomZombie - thanks. It does help to know you are not alone. Like you, it seems like EVERY time we got ahead, things went to shit. And EVERY time I did something [got another degree, etc.] it made things worse. I wish life would just surprise me with some good sometimes.

    Renee - Thank you for that - it's important that I not focus on only the bad days. I know that there are good days, but the bad seems overwhelming.

  4. That's tough. I agree with Renee. remembering the warm and fuzzies can make all the difference. And you never know, something amazing and incredibly positive could come out of this experience.

  5. Thanks, Alison. I'm seriously trying to make this a positive, it's just so fucking hard.

  6. So sorry you're having some probs. I can relate to the financial woes. When the economy crashed my husband and I weren't unhappy because all those smug bastards who save save save were now on an equal footing with us. Being poor sucks ass.

  7. Sarah - Thanks so much for your understanding. Being poor DOES suck ass.

  8. I feel the same way. I never comment on someone getting pulled over by a cop because I'm sure it will cause me to get pulled over. like a subset of karma.

    I do know that the bad things come in waves. ebb and flow. hopefully you can ride this one in.

  9. I've been poor for almost two years now. And yes, everytime I feel like I'm starting to get control of it - Life, The Universe, God, what have you, throws me a curveball.

    Yes, financial things suck ass. But don't let the news take away from you the good day you had.

  10. Andygirl - I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I'm trying to hold on.

    Katie - Isn't it disgusting and disheartening how things get so fucked up out of NOWHERE.

  11. That sucks ass. Financial problems are horrible, i hate telling my kid, yet again, sorry sweetie, we can't afford it. Grrrrr. Hang in there sunshine, I believe our day will come.

  12. Carol, thanks so much. I hate that feeling where you just can't do what you want to do for your kid. It blows.

  13. OMG! This is totally how I think. If someone's life is shit and I think to myself "well, at least my life is going a bit better than that" a few days later whatever was ailing them totally comes ringing my doorbell.

    I hope you don't have blue skin, that will make it very difficult to find out if you're a spring or an autumn in eyeshadow.

    I'm sorry about the terrible financial news. That is really truly awful. These days are very scary days.

  14. Crap. Sorry to hear it. Stupid economy.

  15. Tonya - Luckily, the skin is not blue, so we can do my colors without fear. And thanks for your understanding.

    KathyR - Thanks. I keep hoping things will turn around. Still waiting.

  16. i think god likes it when we need him. makes him feel wanted. who doesn't want to feel wanted. just think this too shall pass, and in 6 months you'll have an entirely different set of problems... awesome. sending happy thoughts your way.

  17. Simone - thanks for the happy thoughts. I'd like to think that god likes people asking for stuff. Kind of a more benevolent Santa Claus.


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