Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pet Peeves

~ People who cannot manage to put their carts in the cart corral.  They either leave them next to the cars parked near them or, and somehow this infuriates me even more, they get their cart to the back of the corral but don't take the few extra steps around to put their cart IN the corral.  Unless you are a drunk college student pushing an even drunker college student home or a homeless person who needs more storage space, PUT THE CART BACK IN THE CORRAL.  Seriously.  Fuck you. 

~ People who don't use both parentheses when they are writing an aside.  I see the first one (like so and then I keep looking for the other one.  Where is it?  Isn't this making you crazy?  God.  I'm ready to claw my eyes out.  Here it is.)

~ Also, it bugs me when people forget to use BOTH QUOTATION MARKS.  I need to know when you stopped quoting.  "It's important."

~ Lying, rat bastard, Hitler-loving, fugazi weathermen who tell you it's going to be a high of 82 and quite breezy, so you believe them and don't turn on the air and leave the windows open instead and then, guess what?  It turns out that the high was actually 89!  HAHAHA!  Boy, is there egg on my face for believing that whole 82 degrees thing!  I love it that my house is an OVEN and I end up sweating while chopping vegetables for dinner.  [Although I guess that can then be considered my workout, right?]

~ People who use the ketchup and manage, somehow, to slop it all over the lip of the bottle and then, AND THEN, they cavalierly put the cap back on the bottle, causing a tsunami of ketchup to crash out onto the cap and the bottle itself, making it nearly impossible for you to use the ketchup in a tidy manner.  It's like they want me to stain my clothes.

~ Bitches who piss on the toilet seat. What is wrong with you?  You know you did it.  WIPE THAT UP.  If you think the toilet is too filthy for your ass to touch, even with a layer of toilet paper or a toilet seat cover, save it until you get home.  If you can't, then hold up your end of the compact we make as humans to not be disgusting pigs and clean up after yourself.
~The ultimate fugazi,* Gwyneth Paltrow.

What makes you mental?

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* We all know that the ultimate fugazi is ACTUALLY the kick ass righteous rock and roll band Fugazi.  But in the pejorative sense, it's all Gwyneth, all the time.

To wit:

Kick ass Fugazi:

They were AMAZING live.  And, they are awesome because they never charged more than a few bucks per show AND they played all ages shows so that ALL their fans could see them.  Just awesome.

Dipshit fugazi:

She totally thinks she's better than you.


  1. I was laughing the entire time. Especially about the paranthesis and the ultimate fugazi ;)

  2. Cecelia - Glad to have you on board!

    Natalie - Oh, I'm so glad! That makes me so happy!

  3. Ah! Ah! She DOES think she's better than me. You're so right.

  4. KLZ, I KNOW! It's like she can't keep the smug out!


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