I never had a good handle on marriage, on what it could be. On what it should be. I knew what I didn't want - I'd seen enough bad marriages to make me an expert on that.
But what did I want? I mean, isn't the opposite of not wanting a bad marriage wanting no marriage at all?
It turns out, it's not. Wanting the opposite of a bad marriage could actually mean wanting a GOOD marriage. I know, right? Earth shattering.
But what's a good marriage?
I know that is an individual decision, an individual desire. It may help to clarify or discuss what that thing is, but sometimes those determinations are too abstract. Or too specific.
I mean, I could say that my good marriage would be to Jon Stewart [or Eminem], but where would that get me? Frustrated?
Or I could say that my good marriage is based on respect and love and admiration, but that sounds too much like what a generic greeting card would say.
Or I could say that my good marriage would be to someone who wants what is best for me, but that sounds like what your nutritionist would say.
So I don't know. I think it's all of those things and maybe none of those things [i.e., bye-bye Jon and Eminem]. But I also think part of it [for me] is wanting to be married. Wanting to be with someone. Sure, there are days, weeks, months, years, when that is not the case. But there has to be a desire to be with that person, to see something through.
Also, Jon Stewart won't return my calls.