Thursday, February 24, 2011

Reason #526,429 I Hate the Suburbs

Graduation celebrations for elementary and middle schools.


Because suddenly we live in Appalachia or the inner city and our kids are only going to get schoolin' up to the 8th grade and we need to celebrate this fact with a giant carnival type festival.

LOLJK, people, this is the middle- to upper-middle class suburbs.  We all moved here because of the great school system.  OF COURSE our kids are going to finish 6th or 8th grade.  What the hell else are they going to do?  Go work in factories making lead-based dolls for their younger siblings to play with?

Do we really need to spend countless volunteer hours and donations and money to say, "Hey, kids, WAY TO GO!!  Way to go to high school for the next four years and to college for the next 4-6 years after that!  And grad school!  BRAVO!!!"

Honest to god, THIS is why the rest of the world hates America.


  1. Oh. LMAO.

    And I hate to do those dumb computer acronyms...but, still..LMAO.

    I wish you lived here, with me, in my piddly suburb.

    Crack my ass up, woman.

  2. Look on the bright side. I mean at least it's just a carnival-type thingy and not ACTUAL Appalachia.

    I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I would not survive in Appalachia, but I'm OK at walking through carnivals (provided I'm not also required to act all coordinated and not fall down.)

  3. I don't get all the graduations - preschool, kindergarten, 5th grade, middle school, jr high, ARUGH. By the time the kid finally graduates high school the anticipation is sucked out of it. Perhaps that has given rise to the "super sweet 16" phenomenon (which is another reason the rest of the world hates America).

  4. oh, there is a plethora of reasons why everyone hates 'merica.getting an education is a privilege. if anything the kids should be celebrating the teachers who work for peanuts to school their lazy asses.

  5. Oh, it's not just the burbs. We were invited to a party for a single middle school graduate, who's family lives in Detroit. They rented a fucking HALL. The kid was 13 for crissakes. WHat are they gonna do for college graduation, rent the Queen Mary?

  6. I didn't even want to attend my college graduation. But I was told there'd be gifts.

  7. Hahaha! And this is why the Tiger Mom has a point.

  8. I'm totally with you on that one. I hate all that and parent/teacher conferences and open house. I'm a little unreasonable that way, though.

  9. So a couple of the colleges that have sent acceptance packages to my kid have included a certificate that looks like a diploma or award of some kind. Because the everyone-gets-a-trophy generation won't know that they did well unless an award comes with it, I guess.


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