Friday, March 4, 2011

Because you would have asked me anyway

I tend to write more about myself and my crazy here than about anything else.  But I do have interests and opinions beyond worrying that I was allergic to the new pinconning cheese I picked up on the recommendation of my cheese lady [Of course I have a cheese lady. You don't have one? GET ONE!] to put in my mac & cheese and then not only not eating any of the mac & cheese, even though I forced myself to take a bite of the pinconning, which subsequently made me stand in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror, staring diligently at my face to make sure that I wasn't swelling from an allergic reaction but which only made me realize that my features are lopsided so maybe I'm not allergic, I'm just a Harlequin mask . . . I have no idea where I was going with this. 

I have opinions on stuff, and I'm sure you're interested, but I don't want to bore you/write overlong serious posts/think too much and make myself sad.  So instead, here are my quick opinions on current events:

Protests in Wisconsin [and all across the country]: Unions are what made this country great.  Stop fucking around with them. The only reason people get pissed off at the unions is because they want what the unions have.  And instead of going after it, they decide if they can't have it, NO ONE can.  Fuck.  I WISH I had a union.  Union of Disgruntled Over-educated Underemployed Bitches.  The UDOUB.  You're welcome to join. [Also, seriously? Stop hating on teachers.  That's just shameful.]

Threats by GOP to shutdown the government.  Listen, assholes, it didn't work in 1995 when that fuckhead Newt Gingrich tried it, it's not going to work now.  What?  Boehner wants extra days off or something?  Suck it, asshole. 

Libya. I will never cease to be amazed by the strength of character and fortitude shown by the people of Libya.  This holds true for those in Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain, Iran, everywhere.  I am humbled to see that so many people - ordinary people - are putting their very lives at risk for the betterment of humanity.  I am ashamed to say that I won't go to a rally if it seems like it's going to be too hot or I'm going to have to stand around too long.  These people hearten me.

The unceasing idiocy of the misogynists in the anti-choice movement.  NOT. YOUR. BUSINESS.  Why do you hate women?  Why?  You know what?  Never mind, I don't care.  Just stay the fuck home.

Clarence Thomas and his punk ass wife.  Seriously.  Take more money from lobbyists and haters of the American people and continue to decide on cases that benefit those corporations and your wife and then you. 

Charlie Sheen.  I've actually got nothing here, because I haven't been following this.  He's having a complete breakdown, right?  Poor Martin Sheen. 

So that's what I've been thinking about this week.  I should have a show, you know?  Where I can spew what I'm thinking.  It would be awesome.  Oh, wait.  I have a blog and Twitter.  I guess that will do for now.  While I'm building my media empire.


  1. While I LOVE your crazy this is AWESOME! Your breakdown of current events is cogent and moving. I agree wholeheartedly! Also, where do I send my dues for UDOUB?

  2. Bwahahaha! Still dying over "Clarence Thomas and his punk ass wife." I'm glad the pinconning cheese didn't kill you. Also, I think whole Charlie Sheen thing is just getting started, so don't feel bad missing the details of this week. By the time Charlie starts a cult for disinfranchisrd strippers and porn stars called "Charlie's Angels", you'll be all caught up.

  3. Can I have a do over where I spell disenfranchised correctly? Curse you iPhone. Curse you giant fingers!

  4. UDOUB? I am in. Are we pronouncing it YOU-DOOB or YOU-DAWB or YOU-DOWB? Or maybe we're insisting on saying the whole awesome name...

  5. Aw, you know, I hadn't even considered Martin Sheen. Now I'm kinda sad.

  6. You are a show on twitter. Why do you think we're all crawling up your twitter butt to get you to say hi to us.

    Sheesh, woman. You're a star and you don't even know it.

  7. Can we discuss an affiliation between UDOUB and my new union, the League of Underachieving Guys with Graduate degrees (LUGGS)? We could be the AFL-CIO of the 21st century, if we could just turn off the Office reruns and wear a shirt with a collar. Anyway, glad to find you blogging away over here.

  8. have I told you lately that I love you? stop reading my mind! also: joining your union. I also have a bunch of unemployed overeducated friends who would join too.

  9. I can't think of one good reason why you shouldn't have a show. If Don Imus can have one, then surely you should also have one. Charlie's had a tough week and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

  10. If The Empress has taken it upon herself to be your pimp, I mean, manager, then there could well be a show in your future.
    We have been in a hotel all of this week, my kids have seen the train wreck that is Charlie every morning at breakfast, my 13 yr old's concern ...
    what about all the other people that work on his show, what will happen to them ... yes, Charlie, what indeed?

    now you are part of my 'universe'

  11. Can I be the UOUEB's secretary? I promise I'll bring as much diligence as I did in the same role at the Debbie Gibson fan club.

    You already know we're in love. Like Eminem and that crazy ex-wife of his. I'll let you be Eminem ONCE. This ONCE.

    (I'm a terrible commenter because I read everything on my phone, but I do check in on you here...and add factoids to my growing file on you)


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.