Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Not that I *Actually* Believe in That Type of Stuff

A few weeks ago, I was reading the paper and this article caught my eye:

A Tax on Witches? A Pox on the President!

I know, right?  How many kinds of awesome is THAT?

Basically, in Romania, being a witch meant you could make money and NOT pay taxes.  Until now, when the government decided, hey, you need to start paying up your fair share, like other self-employed people.  Because we need a cash flow.

Being a witch is a viable career in Romania - to an extent.  It's not something that's shunted aside as kid's stuff or relegated to Halloween or that pasty guy in grad school who decided to become a Wiccan because it was his best option for getting some.  In Romania, they don't fuck around with the hoodoo.  Not even a little.  This is a country with long ties to the other-world, from Dracula to Ceausescu, and witchcraft is taken very seriously.

A few weeks later, I read this article:

Romania - False Prophecy Penalty

Because now in addition to having to pay taxes, witches are being PENALIZED monetarily for false prophecies.

I have to say, I would not want to penalize a witch.  Because they have a lot of tricks up their sleeves [ha! Wait, not tricks.  Illusions, Michael.  Tricks are what whores do for money.  Or cocaine.*] and frankly, a pissed off witch is not someone I want on my case.  As a witch, I would only be thinking, "Having to pay taxes AND you're asking for a money-back guarantee?  Bitch, this isn't Home Depot. You can't ask for guarantees on the ephemeral like it's a backyard grill."

What?  You don't think witches talk like that?

Anyway, part of me is a big believer in this type of thing.  Superstition, I mean.  Generally, I am a very fact-based, reality-dwelling person.  I'm a pessimist, and I've been depressed, both of which are the type of person who has a clear view of reality. 

But there is a part of me that doesn't like to look out the window in the dark because of monsters and who will sometimes, after saying something complimentary about my child, ward off the Evil Eye by saying or thinking the counter-curse.  And I have a hard time sleeping after having watched a movie about monsters.  And I do, in fact, believe that some of the stuff on the X Files has happened.  I mean, please, you don't think our government has guys like Cigarette Smoking Man working for it?  Or vats of that black oily goo stopped up somewhere?

Please.  Don't be naive.


* That, of course, is from Arrested Development.  A lovely conversation between Michael and GOB.  God, I love that show.
Don't forget to submit your photos for this month's Raw Photos Contest - What Makes You Laugh?  Come on.  If you haven't submitted before, I think you need to do it this month.  We could all use a laugh.


  1. Nothing but admiration for working in "Arrested Development" reference into a blog post.

  2. I liked the X-Files reference myself. And yes. Big government conspiracies everywhere!

  3. Ooooh, now I gotta ask my SIL about Romanian witches! She moved here when she was 14.

  4. The witches in Romania should move to Ireland and call themselves "Artists". Or "Pagan Artists". Whatev. No taxes. Plus there's leprechauns and fairies, and I'll bet you don't find many of those hanging out in Romania. Not nearly green enough and too many vampires. I don't like movies about the devil. I did not see the exorcist until 2009. Even then it scared the bejesus out of me when she came skittling down the stairs in a reverse headstand move that the Romanian gymnast chick only WISHES she could have pulled off. What was her name again? Anyway. Perfect 10s across the board for this post.


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