This was a temp job, so I knew [duh, because I have a dictionary AND google AND passed vocabulary class] that it wasn't a permanent thing. BUT we were expecting another month, at least, of work, and then SHABAM! Not so much.
So I got . . . fired? Laid off? Technically furloughed, bud*?
I got jobless.
Which, I have to say, I am taking pretty well. I mean, I haven't gone fetal. I'm not laying around in my pajamas, eating peanut butter from the jar and watching the neighbors through the blinds. Not yet, anyway. [If this is your thing, I'm not judging. I may, in fact, be a little jealous.]
Anyway, I've decided to come up with job ideas for me, particularly those that will be covered by my newly formed union, Union of Disgruntled Over-educated Underemployed Bitches. [Your UDOUB (pronounced U DOWB, since you asked, Kathy) union cards are being created - actually! Does anyone have any technical skills to make a badge? Because that badge would be motherfucking AWESOME. Let me know. I would heart you and make you union steward.]
So, finally, without much further ado [god, this is like a union meeting, isn't it?], here is my list of job ideas:
- Trendsetter/tastemaker. I can totally pretend that wearing chainmail scarves is the next cool thing. And do it with a straight face.
- Popcorn tester. But not the gross kind, with cheese. The good kind, with butter. Or caramel. Or chocolate. But not plain, because I'm in a union for god's sake! I have rights!
- Senator. I couldn't do any worse. Plus, I actually LIKE to wear suits. It's as if I was born to do this.
- Boss of you. Or boss of someone you think needs bossing. I am REALLY good at telling people what to do. And getting on their cases until it gets done.
- Televangelist. I am ready, willing and able to fleece people with platitudes. But only really rich, corrupt people. So maybe less of a televangelist and more of a life coach.
- Color namer. I could do this for Crayola, any paint company, car companies. I'm really good. Like this: Magellan's Kiss. Right? Huh? You KNOW it! You can see that color now, can't you? I'm gifted that way.
* Do you know that line? I will kiss you smack on the mouth if you do!