There's a Bright Side to EVERYTHING! Swear!

So on Tuesday night I got an email and phone call that my services were no longer needed at my job.

This was a temp job, so I knew [duh, because I have a dictionary AND google AND passed vocabulary class] that it wasn't a permanent thing.  BUT we were expecting another month, at least, of work, and then SHABAM! Not so much.

So I got . . . fired? Laid off? Technically furloughed, bud*?

I got jobless.

Which, I have to say, I am taking pretty well.  I mean, I haven't gone fetal.  I'm not laying around in my pajamas, eating peanut butter from the jar and watching the neighbors through the blinds.  Not yet, anyway.  [If this is your thing, I'm not judging.  I may, in fact, be a little jealous.]

Anyway, I've decided to come up with job ideas for me, particularly those that will be covered by my newly formed union, Union of Disgruntled Over-educated Underemployed Bitches.  [Your UDOUB (pronounced U DOWB, since you asked, Kathy) union cards are being created - actually! Does anyone have any technical skills to make a badge?  Because that badge would be motherfucking AWESOME.  Let me know.  I would heart you and make you union steward.]

So, finally, without much further ado [god, this is like a union meeting, isn't it?], here is my list of job ideas:

• Trendsetter/tastemaker. I can totally pretend that wearing chainmail scarves is the next cool thing.  And do it with a straight face.
• Popcorn tester. But not the gross kind, with cheese.  The good kind, with butter.  Or caramel.  Or chocolate.  But not plain, because I'm in a union for god's sake! I have rights!
• Senator.  I couldn't do any worse.  Plus, I actually LIKE to wear suits. It's as if I was born to do this. 
• Boss of you. Or boss of someone you think needs bossing. I am REALLY good at telling people what to do.  And getting on their cases until it gets done.
• Televangelist.  I am ready, willing and able to fleece people with platitudes.  But only really rich, corrupt people.  So maybe less of a televangelist and more of a life coach. 
• Color namer.  I could do this for Crayola, any paint company, car companies.  I'm really good.  Like this:  Magellan's Kiss.  Right? Huh? You KNOW it!  You can see that color now, can't you?  I'm gifted that way.

So as you can see, I've got lots of opportunities on the horizon.  Chime in if you have any ideas for me - I'm getting the resume ready!

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* Do you know that line?  I will kiss you smack on the mouth if you do!