Monday, April 11, 2011

Out of touch with every generation. I win at irrelevancy.

It's Monday, and I've got a lot on my mind, and none of it coherent.  Enjoy.

 I generally don't think about getting older.

Sure, there was that moment when I found out I needed bifocals [BI-FUCKING-FOCALS!], and there's my tendency to fall asleep at around 9:30pm and my distaste for the clothing that kids these days are wearing.  But generally, I move along, thinking that while my body isn't what it used to be, I could totally stay out all night drinking and dancing and picking up random guys.  I mean, in theory.  I wouldn't pick up random guys anymore, what with being married.  Maybe a specific guy, one selected during those endless negotiations married couples have about who would you have sex with if it was a freebie or if I died, but don't go getting any ideas?  Not that we've had those discussions, nor have we set out a list.  Not a permanent one, anyway. 

So, to sum up, still think I'm young and hip.

And then, lately, I get a daily reminder that I'm getting older.

It's this:  I cannot read blogs/websites/etc. that are white letters on dark backgrounds.  Seriously.  I can't.  I get very dizzy and eye-strainy while trying.  So if that's your blog, I'm sorry.  It's going to be read in my feeder and not on your site.

Now get off my lawn.

Let's just say, hypothetically, that one day it's 55 degrees, and the next it jumps to 82 degrees and the day after it's supposed to be 55 again.  Does it make me someone a bad person if I someone turns the AC on the day it's 82 degrees?  Does the fact that being really hot makes me someone insanely cranky mitigate that answer at all?  What about if I someone generally does not turn the heat on until it's been really cold for a few weeks, in order to balance stuff out?

The girl is going to Faraway Boarding School.  Getting there, seeing it, seeing her there - it was as if everything fell into place and my only hesitation was that I would miss her.  And I don't want to be a selfish parent - I mean, I AM, don't get me wrong, but I don't WANT to be.

So it's decided.  She's going.  She's thrilled.  I'm happy.  The husband's happy.  The grandparents are . . . dealing with it.

And you all made freaking out about it so much easier to deal with.  I can't believe how much people will help you when you need it.  It's wonderful.

O.k., enough of the bullshit happy happiness.  I'm getting a little sick of myself.

I realized this past weekend that I have not seen a number of what would be considered seminal 80s movies, such as Karate Kid, Top Gun, Caddyshack and Dirty Dancing. I've seen bits of each of these movies, except Top Gun - I don't think I've seen any of that. 

I realized this at my parents' house, where they were watching Dirty Dancing.  I mean, I get the premise of these movies, because they're in the zeitgeist, but as to actual plot points? Nothing.  Like, did you know that Lenny Briscoe and Emily Gilmore are the parents in Dirty Dancing? I had no idea. And it really weirded me out to see them as a couple.  A NY cop and a DAR member together? So wrong.

Ultimately, I think I'm o.k. with being out of that loop.  I'll stick with my John Hughes & other Brat Pack movies.  They're plenty, AND I get to check out Andrew McCarthy, pre-Weekend at Bernies [which, in full disclosure, I have seen.  Several times.  And yes, I've seen the second one, too.].


I have finally, finally, FINALLY sent off Poppy's super-fantastic cross stitch grand prize.  Here's the finished product:

So elegant, right?
I know it took forever to get it together and mail, but I plead illness and anxiety about the girl and travel and I had to find the perfect frame and . . . well, sometimes I'm just lame.

BUT! It's off to the deserving winner, who I hope will cherish it through the ages.  Or at least not tell me when she sells it at a garage sale.

Next on my agenda is creating my own patterns and setting up an Etsy store.  I WILL RULE THE WORLD, ONE CROSS STITCH AT A TIME!

How was your weekend?


  1. dear god, I just adore you.

    So happy and proud for your daughter, and sending you "HOLD ME" hugs.

    no Dirty Dancing, GIRLFRIEND, c'mon! I learned a lot about sex from DD...I mean more than I knew at know? ;)

    my weekend was ummmm, interesting. :)

  2. They're all over-rated rubbish and you're not missing anything.


    Hello. Please be my BFF. I'm old too. I got glasses last year but I won't wear them because they are not pretty enough. True story. What an idiot. Me, obviously. I am yet to decide to if you are an idiot but it's looking good so far.

    Sarah xxx

  3. Your shunning of Dirty Dancing saddens me. You need to give it another chance, if only for the total melodrama factor. Then you can quote great lines like; "NOBODY puts Baby in a corner!" Damn straight!

    Today I'm feeling methuselah-ish too. The weekend sucked me dry.

  4. You must see Caddyshack, unedited. I believe you would enjoy it immensely. It's right up there with Ferris.

    And: Now Get Off My Lawn?

    I UNDERSTAND, by why? Why does this happen????

  5. Umm...Suniverse? Can I call you Sunny? You may hate that...I hate Fran.

    I forgot to finish my last comment. See my fingers were ahead of my brain....

    The 'why does this happen' for me meant: Why do I get so territorial over my lawn? Sometimes I want to go all BB gun on someone.

  6. Holy shit, I did it again...

    A third comment?

    I'm such a dumbass this morning.

    The anonymous is me! FranceRants.

    Will stop stalking now...

  7. The other day I lifted my glasses up so I could read some fine print, and my husband pointed and laughed at me, telling me that I need bifocals. I don't know...I'm only 33, way too young for that!

    Good luck with sending your daughter to school. You're braver than I.

  8. I DIDN'T know that Emily Gilmore was the mom in Dirty Dancing (which I've also never seen). I don't think I can watch it now.

    Also, white letters on black background? That's just asking to not get read.

  9. Your etsy shop WOULD rule the world.

  10. How is it even possible that you hadn't seen Dirty Dancing? I thought it was, like, mandatory for all females to have seen it at least once!

    However, I'm totally with you on being out of touch. I was out of touch when it WAS my generation wearing stupid stuff and listening to even more stupid stuff. Now? I can hardly tolerate most of what I see on a daily basis. I'm an old lady.

  11. I can't read the white type on black, either. I click away. Oh, my old eyes! LOL

  12. I need to move and get a lawn, so it doesn't sound so crazy when I scream, "Get off my lawn."

  13. Dude, you are so funny. Honest to God. Alexandra is always right about these things. It's a lovely cross stitch. You got talent alright. Nobody puts THIS cross-sticher in a corner.

    ps - which movie was that from?? Eh?

  14. You've seen the SECOND week-end at Bernie's? Wait, there WAS a second week-end at Bernie's? wtf - still dead and stiffer than ever?

    There are teen-agers kissing on the street in front of my house. God help them if they set foot on my lawn.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.