Thursday, May 5, 2011

Green with Envy, Red with Anger, I'm Like Christmas, But With Less Jesus

Like everyone else, I find myself envying people and jealous of their things.  Which is weird, in that I'm not generally a luster of objects.  The only thing that I really, really want is a Birkin Bag, and for the most part, I'm not thinking about it.  Just every once in a great while, when I'm asked what ridiculously expensive thing I want.
Actually, I'll take both the orange and fuschia, please.  And the red.  That khaki one looks like it belongs to someone who is colorblind and also can't smell.  Source.
Actually, there is something that I really, really want on a daily basis:  built-in bookshelves in every room of my house so I can store our books.  We are a bookish family.  Keep your Kindle.  Keep your Nook.  We want books.  [Give me your iPad, though, because I could totally get behind that.]


One of my profs in grad school was talking about how she and her partner were almost done renovating their library WHICH HAD A WHEELED LADDER AND BALCONY and I was disconsolate for days.

I still get twitchy thinking about it.

The nice thing about my envy issues is that, excepting the whole bookshelves thing, I tend to be very OOOOOH LOOK OVER HERE, SHINY OBJECT about envy and jealousy.

Like with the Birkin Bag.  If I'm thinking about it, I get the gut wrench seething hatred and desire [seething hatred for the person who has the object I desire].  But that moment will pass, or something will capture my attention [hence the SHINY OBJECT] and I'm distracted by day to day life or something funny people will say or do or the fact that I have yet another PTA meeting to go to [are these kids in school ALL YEAR LONG? What is this? Japan?], and so my jealousy that other people get pornographic spammers commenting on their blogs will go away and I'll just start --- Wait, did you see that pretty flower growing over there?

I have to go.


  1. HAHA! Nice shoes! I follow you - YOU FOLLOW ME NOW! I will sell BEST quality viagra for your hardestness!

  2. I can't compete with that first comment, so I won't even try. All I'll say is that I, too, want built-in bookshelves. Oh, how I want them.

  3. You are a little strange but in a good way and I like it. Also you sport blog adhd or some crap but you are funny, haha.


  4. WHAT?!? Some real person actually has a library with the wheeled ladder? Geez. Now I'm sad. If I had that,there's still be socks all over the place.

  5. I want a a wheeled ladder for my craft room. The crap is piling higher than I can reach, plus they're really fun to zoom around on. I also want one of those really nifty chairs that zoom you up stairs at a snails pace. I wouldn't mind going slow because I'd look awesomely cool doing it. Well maybe not, we only have 7 steps on our staircase, and that might look awesomely ridiculous.

  6. What kind of ridiculous salary did the professor make that the library had a wheeled ladder & a balcony! (Seriously, I want to know how much more I have to make each year so I can have my own fancy in-house library.)

  7. I actually had a friend in college who had a library with a wheeled ladder.

    They were rich.

    I loved riding that ladder.

    I would pretend I was My Fair Lady.

    And Pork Star says Blog ADD like it's a bad thing...

  8. Does the ladder bookshelf person sing songs and glide across the span of the shelf on it? if so, I'm totally jealous of that.

  9. Oh. Look! I'm back to blogging, and yours is the first one I'm checking (you're welcome).

    Yeah, I'm exactly the same with the whole enviousnessness. I mean, I channel rage for five seconds and then someone calls, or makes me a cup of coffee and that rage is gone.

    Also, I totally want a library with books and shelves and ladders... predominantly so I can play on the ladder.

  10. I love misfitsvintage comment and I sincerely hope its a friend/reader making up spam comments. if so I will forever adore her.

    also I don't think my original comment made the grade the first time around, and I want credit so here goes: Black quilted chanel clutch. I want I covet I obsess. $1785 at Saks on Wilshire and Peck. but I'd take the vintage version in a pinch.

  11. MisfitsVintage - That is seriously the best comment ever. Sorry, everyone else.

    MrsJenB - I DREAM about shelves. Sometimes some of them have leaded glass doors.

    Porkstar - Cheer--Wait! I have ice cream!

    Karensomethingorother - I know, my books would be perfect, my kitchen counters still piled high.

    Marisa - I TOTALLY WANT ONE OF THOSE CHAIRS. I would be the laziest person ever. EVER.

    Nerd Girl - I think she ended up being head of the department. Plus her partner made good money, too. Must be nice.

    Empress - I always think of you as My Fair Lady. Or My Fair Empress. [I know - how is blog ADHD bad? It's NOT!]

    Twinisms - I have to imagine she would. I mean, wouldn't anyone?

    Jo - HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU. Words can't convey the love. Except I love you. That kind of conveys it.

    La-Juice - Oooh, now I want a Chanel bag. Actually, I want a Chanel suit, so I can wear it and strike fear into people's hearts. [Yes, MisfitVintage is a friend/blogger/real person. Genius, yes?]

  12. Oh my god, we might have seen the beginning of a new trend here (which is a nice way of saying may or may not be about to totally rip off MisfitVintage's idea) - fake spam!

    Yeah...built-in bookshelves. Probably the only way I'm going to avoid being on an episode of Book Hoarders.

  13. oh, my lord, i so, so, SO want built-in bookshelves!

    i own a kindle and an ipad, and i also love my analog books. if it's something i really love, i'll buy it in both forms, so that i can always have it with me (kindle/ipad) AND i can read it in the tub (analog). 'course, when they make technology waterproof, i may need to rethink this.

  14. I actually have 2 Birkin bags. One in red and one in fuschia.

    Ok, I'm a dick. That was mean. And also untrue.

    Are we still friends? I'll share my Gruppensexfilme spam with you....

  15. I totally understand. In my own little bubble I'm a non-materialistic person perfectly happy with my cheap, nondescript clothing and accessories. But when I leave that bubble and see all the cool stuff out there, I get red and green and I don't know, purple with frustration.

  16. I SO AGREE about the Kindle phenomenon. I'd rather have a book any day of the week. Most of my friends, and even my husband, don't understand it. But I can't overlook how a book feels in your hands, the way a new book smells, the way the words are presented on a page.

    But I'd be down with an iPad, too. For SURE.

  17. I'm torn about those Birkin Bags for two reasons:

    1. Obviously, there's my whole lesbian problem.

    2. Although I like the orange one best, pink would better match my cats.

    Really just one reason, I guess.

  18. I often said that the difference between men & women was that men have a penis and women have a crippling shoe obsession. But, I think bags work there, too.

    The only thing about the Kindle, over a book, is that you only ever need to pack the Kindle you don't need to


  19. I have a major case of shoe jealousy from time to time. I'll see the perfect pair of python peep toes on some person who clearly is not cool enough to rock them and think "those should be mine!" but then luckily another shiny object appears and I am off of it...

  20. I'm all about coveting awesome things that other people have. I don't personally want a Birkin but I understand the desire to want's why I have a closet full of expensive jeans.

    Admit it - you really just want to be Rory Gilmore. You're jealous that Logan gave her a Birkin.

  21. I am jut jealous of all these amazing comments...and also your writing.

  22. if you want my pornographic spammers, lady you can have them.....but I'll be taing those built in bookcases in return, cause I TOTALLY WANT THEM!!!!!!

    you are too funny.....if I could, Id give you 4 Birkins!

  23. [are these kids in school ALL YEAR LONG? What is this? Japan?]
    That hit home, because I've felt that way many times. and the books - THANKYOU! I can't see how someone would prefer a computer to a bound book you can hold and feel. A book is a mysterious little time capsule sitting on beautiful shelves. Open it, feel the paper, and read something penned from another time and space.
    SiGh! I love books.
    I also love Coach bags. Not the logo bags ... the real expensive ones.
    Maybe some day I'll have a bag to put my awesome books in. ;)

  24. I love built-in book shelves. I have a picture of one I pulled from a decor magazine a bunch of years ago. It's the whole back wall behind the living room couch with a wooden ladder and a velvet curtain that you can pull across in case you want to hide it. It's amazing. And building the whole thing probably costs about the same as a Birkin bag.

  25. Loved this lady! It was a fun read and had me laughing. But seriously? I;d like the bag (orange, obviously) and the built-ins with the rolling ladder thing. Yes, that. :)

  26. I am a bookish gal myself---keep the kindle away from me, please. And am swooning over the idea of a wheeled ladder and a real library and RENOVATING said library...omg!!

  27. I do not ever want a kindle or a nook. Ever.

    I would LOVE built-in book shelves; except I'm not sure my stacks and stacks of books would look good on display after being gathered from the four corners (and closets and cabinets and drawers) of my messy home.

    I think I'd feel compelled to invest in a bunch of leather-bound classics whose pages hadn't been cut.

    And I'd still hate reading Moby Dick. Even if I'd climbed up to retrieve it on a sliding ladder.

    Still, I'd take shelves over a designer bag any day. My shoes suck. So I might as well not mock them by wearing a beautiful Birkin on my arm.

  28. We went to a bookstore that had the rolling ladder and bookshelves. My son thought that WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER. He was 4 or 5 then. He needs built in bookshelves. He has so many books that he refuses to give up.

    I read them & give them them away or return them to the library. I do have a Nook. I get Us magazine on it & I love that! It makes me sad that I have "Bossypants" on it & I can't share it. It is nice to have books delivered to it without leaving the house. Or getting dressed.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.