Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Love means never having to say you're sorry, which is good, because I am too awesome to say I'm sorry.

As a companion piece to this loving tribute to why the husband is a bummer, I bring you:

Reasons why I love the husband [sometimes]:

1.  It's midnight, I'm up with insomnia watching Gilmore Girls [of course] when the husband climbs into bed, eyes already closed from being so tired.  It's quiet, except for the t.v., until I hear the husband, with his eyes still closed, say, "I'm sorry, there's no fucking way Rory is valedictorian over Paris.  That's fucking bullshit."

2.  I pull on the chain for the ceiling fan and it snaps off inside the fucking fan part.  The husband will let me stew in my anger for a few days, hating how anytime anything breaks in this house, it just stays broken [bedroom window, bathroom fan, Jesus, we are the fucking Beverly Hillbillies before they discovered black gold].  Then he'll try and fix it.  He usually can't, but I'll give him points for trying.  Although I also deduct points for letting me stew.

3.  When it's dark outside, he will go outside and close the garage door or take out the trash after we've watched something scary, even though there may be chupacabras or sewer monsters or  those fucking creepy ass people from The Strangers:
Source. This is what I think happens when you go outside at night after watching something scary.
4.  He thinks I'm a great writer/person/parent and can do anything I put my mind to.  This is great, even if I tend to discount his opinion sometimes because duh, he's my husband, he's supposed to say that. 

5.  His genes gave the girl these amazing giant eyes and mile-long eyelashes.  Because I have tiny, squinty eyes and sparse lashes, I am very, very grateful for this.  As is the girl.  Or she will be when she realizes what a lucky draw she got. 


  1. lol I have a husband who is scared of scary movies and makes me watch them alone and then leaves the door unlocked and open all night. But is kind enough to wake up at 4am to check the house for serial killers and close and lock the door. So, minus the point on the open door, adding those points plus one for getting up to check. I had one more otherwise the poor fucker would be in the dog house permanently.

  2. Nuh uh. Go back up there and reread number four... most husbands DON'T do that. He frickin BELIEVES in you - GOOD WORK, HUSBAND - YOU GET FIFTY MILLION HUSBAND POINTS FROM ME!

    Sarah xxx

    And I can never go into a room with a tv at night because I watched The Ring ten years ago.

  3. LMAO he's a keeper, as they say. Oh wait, you already have him. Well, keep keeping him.

  4. I once gave someone nightmares just by describing The Ring to her. My husband is a scary movie wuss. He did fix my glasses at two a.m. once though, even though I had to wake him up to do it. Number 1 is really hard to top.

  5. chupacabras or sewer monsters. love you.

  6. One night after me and several friends went to the theaters to see The Blair Witch, I had to drive , by myself, to a dark, creepy ass, set in the woods place, I called home. My dude, Mr. Awesome, had turned off the porch light to our tree surrounded house. Needless to say, I left my hi-beams on, while my chicken ass sprinted the 50 feet to my front door. You know, chupacabras, sewer monsters, Blair witches and all.

  7. well No. 3 scared the shit out of me just reading the fact that you think these things doesn't make them LESS TRUE. I wonder if he wants to encounter Jason or the Chupacabra..secretly.

    also- Lance had to be guilt-ed into reading my blog, so the fact that your Hubby believes in you this way, makes him a total keeper!

  8. So, I'm thinking it's wrong to make my son take the trash to the curb?

  9. the man completely locked himself into my good graces forever the other night. there are still stink bugs where we are, and they LOOOOOVE his house. so the other night, i was trying to go to bed and there was a freaking stink bug ON MY PILLOW. my oh-so-mature response was to point and yell, "fix it!" he removed the bug and returned to bed. as he did, he flipped the pillow over so that i wouldn't have to lay my head where the bug had been.

    that's love right there.

  10. This is beyond awesome.

    I hated myself this past weekend. The master shower handle broke several months previously. And this meant that my wife switched to using a pair of pliers to turn the shower on & off.

    Since I don't shower in the master shower (I use the guest bath because that means I make less noise as I get ready in the morning), this detail simply skipped my mind.

    Months passed and my wife simply got used to using the pliers. I fixed it this weekend when I was at Home Depot to get light bulbs and realized "holy fuck, I've left the shower un-repaired."

    And I had a pretty mad crush on Paris.

  11. Oh

    Just what my poor me needed today.

    This post, that picture...a little bit of pee may have leaked out.

    I love you.

  12. You know Zombies do come out after Scary movies..that's why I never, ever , ever watch them,

    You ROCK're hubby found a keeper, an UNDEAD one. ;)

  13. Love it. Best husband post ever.


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