Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Excitement and Aliases and a Surprise Ending

I'm so excited.

Do you know why?

Because my Wu Tang Clan name* would be Crazy Menace.

I know, right? AWESOME.

Actually, I'm excited because I actually updated my Facebook page today.  WOW.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll go on Google + and then Klout!

Honestly, I get such anxiety from this whole social media thing - when I got that email from Klout telling me they were on 10 platforms [or something.  There was the number 10, but I'm not sure what else.  I think I ended up with transitory hysterical blindness from looking at it.], I kind of hyperventilated a little because what the fuck? I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE FOUR THINGS I'VE SORT OF GOT GOING ON NOW.

I like blogs.  They're a nice way to talk and listen and read and get to know people. I like Twitter, because it's like a quick make-out session with people you already like or want to get to know [and isn't the best make-out session with someone you are just getting to know? That frisson of excitement, that newness! That's never going to happen to me again. Fuck.] and it's really fun and fast and I don't feel like I have to commit to a huge emotional rollercoaster.  Google + and Facebook and LinkedIn all kind of exhaust me.  I feel like I don't have anything witty enough for Google + or warm and fuzzy enough for Facebook or braggy enough for LinkedIn.  You know?  They're the goody two shoes of the internet and I'm standing in the back, smoking and drinking vodka and cranberry out of a margarine cup.

I have no idea where this post was supposed to go.  


Instead, let me ask you a couple of questions:

1.  Who is your least favorite member of the Brady Bunch?

2.  If you had a nickle, would you throw it in a fountain and make a wish or flick it at the head of that annoying coworker and then feign surprise?

3.  Bonus question:  Does the fact that someone has had sex with Karl Rove leave you feeling sick to your stomach?  Me, too. 

* If you're interested in getting your own Wu Tang Clan name, and why the fuck wouldn't you be?, click here.  And then tell me what it is in the comments.  Because Wu Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with.  Diversify your bonds, bitches.


  1. There are absolutely too many social networking thingies - still trying to figure out a point to Google+ other than "me too".

    1. Dad Brady.
    2. Fountain, although the co-worker idea is funny. Nickel might be too heavy tough - penny?
    3. Ugh,yes @ Rove.

    - Crafty Barnardo

  2. I am also overwhelmed by all the social media options. So I don't even try to do them all anymore. I am going to try and focus on Facebook and Twitter right now. That is enough for me :)

    1. I never watched the Brady bunch.
    2. Totally would flick it at the co worker.
    3. Had to google him, ewww!

  3. my Wu name is "Lazy-assed Destroyer." I don't know if I'm pleased with this or not. No, probably not. Damn you FATES.

    I don't know what the hell KLOUT is?!?!? Jesus, I'm not even on Twitter yet.

    okay, quizzy:

    1) Jan Brady: whiny, surly, malcontent (sounds like me)
    2) I'd make a wish. Very Jimminy Cricket of me.
    3) let me look up who the hell he is...okay, but aren't 95% of these political guys gross?

  4. 1. Bobby, without a doubt, Bobby
    2. My wish is that social media implodes and we go back to hand-written letters sealed with wax
    3. should i know karl rove?


    Ol` Filthy, Sweaty Bastard

  5. also... that bastard Klout is claiming i'm a "Dabbler" in the social media world. he suggests posting more content... oh, really? like what? should i get on ONE FUCKING MORE networking site? plus, i have a friggin negative score! these ranking bullshit things separate me from my writing and my music. they make me question my entire purpose for living. i think Klout is the new meaning of asshole.

    but, it's cool. no, really. i'm fine.

  6. Carol Brady is annoying because Florence Henderson is REALLY annoying.

  7. yeah. klout is just one more thing to make me hate myself. all morning i've been whoring myself around trying to get more followers just so klout will like me. goddamnit. it's high school all over.

    but, it's cool. no, realllllllly. i'm toootally fine.

  8. I wish I could even answer the questions you asked about, but I can't because I'm so distraught over what my 'Clan name(s) are!

    I entered my first name followed by my married name and got: "Lesbian Pimp". Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the pimpin' and have nothing against lesbians, but seriously, wtf?!

    So then I tried again with my first name and my maiden name and my motherfuckin' Clan name came up as "Big Gay Mule".

    I give up.

  9. Don't even get me started on social media, I'm still slightly convinced that if I left it on while I was sleeping my laptop would kill me. On purpose.
    1. Hated all of them! Prob most of Mike Brady.
    2. A fountain. I need some good luck.
    3. I just threw up in my mouth. Seriously.
    Spunky Misunderstood Genius (oh yea, that's my wu-name)

  10. Inscrutable Drama Queen????? Fuck you Wu Name thinger!!! Wait, maybe I should go look up inscrutable before I get all mad. I should also look up Karl Rove while I'm at it.

  11. What the fuck is Klout? Ah, fuck it, I'm too tired to hyperventilate. My niece and nephew are here for the week and I'm up to here with cute touristy fun crap. And my Mom made them rice krispie square but put fucking gummy bears in them. I'm currently scarfing rice krispie squares and spitting gummies out on the table.

  12. You are gonna be so jealous: Promiscuous Protestah. Yeah, baby!

    1. Alice - so smug with her cleaning
    2. I'd keep it and add it to my pile in the cavern, a la Scrooge McDuck
    3. Anyone dude over 60 having sex skeeves me out a bit (I'm ageist)

    p.s. you're getting even funnier with age ;-)

  13. Tha Visible Choirboy is in the da hoouse!!!!
    (dude. Lovin ny name!!!!)

    I like Twitter cause I can make out with you me there in an hour ok? ;)

    I am trying with FB annoys me that people have to tell me every single little thing about their life from second to second. People...I don't give a shit!!!!!

    But I check in with my Klout score....and I am trying to up my Alexa score...and u could write a review for me ..duh!

    Now onto you amazing questions...
    Jan...she is way too whiny for me.

    I would make a wish (oh c'mon it's ME...) You know I would!

    No, no, no get that nasty image out of my head...ewwwwww.

    Tha Visible Choirboy Out! Yeah boyzzzzzzzz


  14. 1. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! I'd bust her nose, too.
    2. There were days in the Village in July, when I would have gladly put it in the long as I could climb in with it!
    3. I am skeeved, but I like to imagine that his partner was Dick-less Cheney.

    Namaste, Bitches-

    Spunky Misunderstood Genius

  15. I'm "Tha Visible Choirboy," which is strangely fitting for me.

    Peter always irritated me.

    I'd totally flick the nickel at a coworker. In fact, I might have just done so.

    I just use Facebook to post pictures of my kids and keep just enough personal information there so that my mother doesn't go digging about online to find my blog and my twitter account. Because she'd call me in the middle of the night to ask why I write about boobs so much.

    I'm pretty sure Karl Rove is nothing more than a highly-advanced form of bacteria. As such, he has no sexual organs.

  16. Least fave member of the Brady Bunch. Alice. I just can't stand her. No idea.
    [anon in blogger, WTF?]

  17. I'm not 100% sure what this says about me- but I kind of like the crazy random that is this post! XO

  18. Violent Toilet Thing. That's my new Wu name. Maybe I should lay off the Chinese take out. At least it wasn't Ninja Shit.

    I kinda thought Carol and the oldest boy were creepy.

    And social media - I think it turns everyone into whores. Stuck-up "Look at me! I have no fucking life!" whores that would steal my nickel if I had one. I've tried it, but it but it left me feeling dirty, and I wasn't sure where to hide the rubber duck and horse whip.
    ... long story.

  19. le Chef: We are sisters! I got the same damn name! Maybe it's stuck? Maybe I should try it again? I know for sure I shouldn't have told hubby...he's still laughing, and snorting, and pointing.

  20. A. Tiger (pain in the ass for the allergic types.

    B. Nickel goes in the fountain with a wish that the annoying co-worker falls in immediately after.

    C. Karl Rove should have gotten my Wu Tang Clan name which is .....

    Ol` Filthy, Sweaty Bastard.

    For real.

    Don't fuck with me or I'll sweat on you. Apparently.

  21. Don't even talk to me about Google+ and what's that other, where you collect shit and have a page for it? I've got toilets to clean, man and kids to yell at. I don't have time for such nonsense.

    1. Bobby and his annoying whine. Second place, Jan, because everyone hates Jan.

    2. I would take the nickel and place it on my dog's head, because she is an idiot of vast proportion and it is hilarious watching her try to figure things out. Instead of shaking it off, like most dogs would, she would walk around very slowly. I'm not kidding. I've put things on her head before. This is what she does. I believe she's a short bus dog.

    3. And the thought of Karl Rove copulating does not gross me out as much as the thought of Larry King doing the humpty hump. Shudder.

    And are you ready? I LOVE my Wu Tang Clan name:

    Gratuitous F-REEK

    Me, to a T.

  22. I haven't taken to Twitter yet, and if I did it would probably only be to promote my blog. My behaviors on Blogger are very promiscuous though.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.