Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fuck you, I said I was sorry

It may surprise you, but I am not the most genial person when it comes to apologizing.

Well, that's not quite true.  I will apologize when I am in the wrong, and I will mean it, but this is something I have had to work on for years.

But apologizing is something that still galls me from time to time.  Particularly when I feel like I'm being forced into an apology for something that maybe wasn't quite right but for fuck's sake, LET IT GO already. 

I don't particularly like this aspect of my personality.  I wish I was more forgiving, both of myself and others, but I am pretty much like a Mafia Don when it comes to slights.  I will always remember and it's always personal.

This may not be the best way to deal with people.  Particularly those in your family.  And I wish that I would actually apologize without it becoming an ordeal.


The girl is mad at me for something I did.

This something was not directed at her - you know what? Here's the actual story:

I was coming off a super long week - lots of work, lots of tiredness, lots of stuff still to do.  The husband was working long hours, too, and I was shuttling her to her lesson.  We were running a few minutes late, which was my fault as I was thinking, "I can just finish folding these towels that have been sitting here for 4 days and then we'll go." So we were late.

And I pull into the parking lot and some dumbfuck family and their dumbfuck 8 or 9 year old kids are meandering all over the driving area of the parking lot, like sheep who have lost their sheepdog to keep them in line, and I say, "Get out of the way, you little cuntface."

Which pissed the girl off.

I mean, sure, not the nicest thing for me to say.  But in my defense, the little kid didn't hear me and she was in my way.

Whatever, you can judge me.

So the girl is pissed at me for being mean to a kid WHO DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT and I'm pissed at her for: 1. Not folding the fucking towels and 2. Being pissed at me for something that pretty much didn't even happen [If a crazy lady calls a kid a cuntface in a parking lot, did the tree actually fall in the forest?] and 3. JUDGING ME AND FINDING ME LACKING.

I wasn't thrilled with our detente, so I apologized to the girl.

Except it wasn't really an apology, because I felt I like I was apologizing for not being perfect.  Which, contrary to popular opinion, I am not.  So it was one of those non-apology apologies that have become all the rage lately, where people don't actually apologize for what they've done, or maybe they do apologize but then turn it into a blame session where the person they are apologizing to becomes the bad guy [I am excellent at this.  Ask the husband.]. So then I had to apologize AGAIN, which I did after leaving the room and stewing for a while and realizing I was being a big fucking baby and sometimes it's just better to get along than to be right.  But not very often.  [I'm not certain how calling a kid a cuntface is being right, but there it is.]

I think I should start giving parenting and relationship advice.  Any questions?


  1. I though love meant, never having to say you're sorry.

    That cuntface in that movie fucking lied!

  2. You mean like:
    "For those whom my remarks may have been misinterpreted and taken out of context, I am sorry for having them viewed that way, although I did not mean it. But, seriously, the media is all over my ass and I need to get reelected to Congress. To that end, I am sorry that my totally taken out-of-context words were, in fact, taken out of context by hysterical, thin-skinned Nancy-pants. However, IF you were offended, I'm sorry.

  3. My favorite is, "I'm sorry you feel that way" which puts the onus back on the other person. Great when I dish it out. Not so much to receive it.

    I do see your point though. You're apologizing on a technicality since the sheep didn't actually hear you thus an "I'm sorry you feel that way" would be in order for your daughter although it may make living with her difficult.

    And if my kids actually folded clothes instead of walking over them we may actually be early. Imagine that...

  4. Did the tree actually fall in the forest? ROFLMAO

  5. I'm sorry, this is hilarious! No, wait, I'm not sorry.

  6. I think you just described every car ride with my daughter.

    Cuntface is my new favorite word btw

  7. This sounds like you were going to Walmart in podunk Texas, what with the 8 or 9 kids wandering about without a sheepdog.
    Stupid cuntfaces.

  8. Being British I know all about apologising, it’s built into our DNA ….

    The problem I have with the story is the C word is a big no no in the UK, sorry…(see there I go again)

    It is the worse word on the universe to Mrs B - so as a consequence I never use it and like Pavlov’s dog I react when I hear it (deep intake of breath and I shut my eyes waiting for Mrs B to start tutting and judging the movie, TV show or person that is came from), This now happens even when Mrs B is not in the room….So from a BlackLOG point of view the apology should have been for using the C word in front of the girl not tha you aimed it at some scummy little brat who you probably should have run over rather than sworn at….

  9. I LOVE this.. I suck at apologizing, too. My favorite is "I'm sorry that what I said hurt your feelings." Cuz I'm not fucking sorry that I said it, it's true, you needed to hear it, but I am sorry that you're such a fucking pussy that you can't take a little criticism.

  10. I am fond of saying "I'm sorry" out loud, followed by "that you are such a twatwaffle" or "that you make me hate you" or something along those lines in my head. It makes me feel better and what the other person doesn't know can't hurt them. If you think about it, it's really no different than reading those stupid, generic fortune cookie fortunes and adding "in bed" at the end. "You are very bed". See? So much better with a little enhancement.

  11. You should start an advice column. Maybe one day a week? You raised a kid to teenagerhood. You have to have advice for those of us who aren't that far along.

  12. Oooooh...I have those moments, whereby I FREAK OUT about someone, and then my family just sits there in quiet judgement, which somehow just makes it worse, and makes me feel more RIGHT.


  13. Dear Suniverse,

    i'm having trouble with my co-workers. they expect me to come into work every day and do shit all day long. i hate them for this and it's starting to show. what should i do?

    lost in los angeles,

    p.s. kids are cuntfaces, so why was an apology even necessary? let alone two. she should apologize to you for bringing another dumb kid into the world... they just grow up to be dumb adults. some with power and money. terrifying.

  14. @BL: I know what you mean about the "C" Word. It's the matrimonial nuclear weapon: "Let's hope we never have to use it."

  15. I would totally take your relationship advice any day of the week. I'm not a parent, but if I ever become one, you're the first person I'm coming to.

  16. Obviously the kid was a cuntface and frankly I applaud your restraint. When dumb fuckheads run in front of my car and make me late I believe I should: 1) get to run over them and 2) am totally allowed to spew AT LEAST a paragraph of profanity!
    But the girl is a teenager so they can be quite prickly. I think your apology (x2) showed that you are the more mature person, well, that and not running over the little cuntface.

  17. I love you. You know why? Because I would have called that kid the exact same thing.

    Buuuuut it is better to get along than to be right. I try to tell DH this all the time. And you know what? He admits that I'm right about this. (I win, in other words)

  18. If I'm understanding correctly, shouldn't the sheepdog be apologizing to you?

  19. You're apologizing for being you?

    Hell no. Apologizing for saying the C word in front of the girl - okay, maybe, seeing as she's offended by that.

    But not for saying it.

  20. I think you know by now that my newest favorite word/phrase is Cunty Faced Whore, right? And if the kid didn't even hear you who gives a fuck? And if you already said you were sorry once then that should be the end of it. But that's just what I think. And of course I'm always right. ;o)

  21. the c-word is one of the few swears that legitimately offends me. it's the only profanity i have requested that the man not use in front of me (and the man swears with as much frequency as the rest of us breathe). so if THAT was the problem, i could understand apologizing.

    but the rest of it? nope - i side with you on this.

  22. Oh Peaches. bravo for using "Cuntface" in a sentence. You already said sorry, so I will support the decision and raise a glass of Grigh Hill Cabernet to you tonight. And I hope this encourages you to do the same- you are a good mom and person and you deserve a break.

  23. Hi, yeah, I have a parenting question:

    My child recently called me a cuntface. What should I do?


    Confused Mom

  24. *giggling* (and I'm well in excess of 6 feet and 200 pounds, so it's really something when I giggle)

    I love the "I'm sorry you're a moron who took offense at what I said" not-apology. It's truly a wonderful weapon :-)

    And you're right, if the girl didn't hear it, there was no need to feel bad. God, if people could hear everything I call them as I drive. *shudders*

  25. Oooooh... my ex used those apologies that weren't really apologies" on me all the time - especially the one Lizbeth mentioned above "I'm sorry you feel that way" and it made me want to claw his eyes out every. single. time.

    Of course, he still thought he got credit for apologizing when I have always been of the opinion that a verbal apology is basically meaningless so I refuse to offer one when I'm not sorry in the least.

    What were we talking about again? Men - and cuntfaces - suck.

  26. oh I'm not suppossed to laugh right?

    You know me, I say I'm sorry like I breath , all fucking day long, John say someone would run me over and I would APOLOGIZE for standing in their way , on the sidewalk. So I am no judge of when to apologize or not.

    but I do hate when kids, pets, adults, ANYONE Really won't just MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY in some semblence of moving. So I say, Girl should have folded towels and shut her trap. ;)

  27. You said the phrase "For Fuck's Sake" right.

    I love you.

  28. This made my day, two days in a row.

    And no, since they didn't hear you, there was no apology necessary.

    Better you than me, since it'd be "I'm sorry you're ticked."


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