What are you reading?

It is Book Report Monday, a day I officially made up when I realized I have 5 books going at the same time, plus a nice list of books you've all recommended [thanks again, you are brilliant].  And I need to discuss.  So:


Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi
I'm not sure why this was on my TO READ list, even though I love her in Arrested Development and on Better Off Ted [which, if you have not watched that sadly short-lived comedy brilliance, then you must do so immediately.  Trust me.  I've already blathered on about it here.  You will thank me every day in your prayers. EVERY DAY.  Even if you don't pray.].  I'm not a big biography reader, because most autobiographies are written by people who can't write and ghostwriters and most biographies are written by scholarly people who can't write.  I'm not sure where Kitty Kelly falls in this, but I digress.  Anyway, I've been reading this book while working out at the gym, and I just realized that maybe reading a book about a woman who suffered from severe eating disorders while hitting the [seated] elliptical is probably not the best idea.  I like it ok, but I find her attention to her food issues kind of boring. Which begs the question, why am I reading a book about food issues? I have no idea.

Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster
I'm actually re-reading this.  Thanks to Jenners for her audiobook recommendation of Ms. Lancaster, who I started reading many, many years ago when I was working in a bookstore and got an ARC of Bitter is the New Black and I don't AT ALL feel seven kinds of jealousy that she has gone on to WRITING SUPERSTARDOM while my half-completed manuscripts and fully finished novels are moldering away.  What the fuck was I thinking, becoming a lawyer?  Anyway, I'm re-reading this and for some reason it's in the bathroom, which I'm not a person who reads in the bathroom, because I am in there ALL THE FUCKING TIME ANYWAY, and I'd really rather not extend the time I have to spend in such a tiny place, but it's in there and sometimes I'll flip through a page or two before I realize that I haven't shut the door completely and the girl has a friend over.

What am I talking about?  Oh, yes, so anyway, that's TWO books I'm reading about people with food issues and weight issues and yes, I get it, I'm not skinny anymore ladies, and maybe the ice cream maker is getting more of a workout than it should, but what the hell, subconscious? What are you trying to tell me? 


Death of a Valentine by M.C. Beaton
I'm listening to this on the way too and from work.  I've written before about my orgasmic love for the reader Graeme Malcom, and it's good to know that the guy can still bring it.  By it, I mean good feelings in my you-know-where [MY VAGINA].  [Also my heart.]  Anyway, I'm not quite sure what the story is about, except that there was a letter bomb explosion delivered in a valentine card to a pretty but bitchy girl who was on drugs.  I think.  I don't know.  I just listen to the mellifluous voice and ignore the honk-beep-brake-swerve that is going on around me.  So I think it's an excellent book.


The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene
NANCY DREW!!  NANCY DREW!!

I've loved Nancy Drew since I was little.  I voraciously read all the books I could get my hands on, and passed that love of Carson Drew's detecting daughter on to the girl.  We've collected quite a few of the books, and the other night I was heading to bed and couldn't think of what I wanted to read.  I can't read something new, because then I'll stay up, so I like to re-read things so my brain will be o.k. with falling asleep because it already knows how the story ends.  Anyway, I'm reading this and enjoying not only the stilted writing and deepening mystery [Will the Tophams keep the inheritance? Or will the good, kind people Nancy meets get their fair share??], and in particular, the passage where:

Nancy was attracted to both girls.

Did you know Nancy Drew was gay? I did not!


Undead and Unappreciated by Maryjanice Davidson
This is one of those vampire chick lit books, but it's fucking hilarious. Not only because the vampire queen is a bitchy, self-involved not always on top of it narcissist, but because Davidson doesn't seem to take the whole vampire premise too seriously.  This is my pool book, which I enjoy reading not only because I've read it before, but also because it's just fun and fluffy and light and when it's hot and my brain is fried, that's what I'm looking for.  And, for the record, Davidson is a GAJILLION times better writer than that purveyor of abstinence porn.  And even Anne Rice [who, also for the record, really needed an editor].

What are you reading?  Do you keep more than one book going at a time?  WHAT IS THE SECRET OF THE OLD CLOCK?