Tuesday, March 20, 2012

So. Many. Goddamn. Questions.

Here they are:

I am looking for a nice DARK PURPLISH but not GOTH lipstick.  You know, something a woman who has a teenage child might wear.  Not that the child would wear.  And to clarify, I'm going to say a woman who has a teenage child who did not have the child as a teenager and who is not currently working it on the pole.  And who has a tendency to get hives from stuff.  Particularly the thought of someone near my daughter's age working the pole.

Anyway. Something like this:

Give me a kiss. This is from MAC, which I've never used.  Good stuff?
 From here .

Or something like this, even:

I could actually get behind the eyeshadow, too.
From here.

You know, for when I'm out being awesome. I almost bought a super dark purple lipstick from Sephora this weekend, but the adults I was with all gave me that head-tilty, pressed-lipped, "Hmmmm  . . ." answer when I asked them.  Which I took to mean no.

Other questions:

I had to return my Martha Stewart Dutch oven [which I had to carry back through Macy's - a 7 quart massive piece of enameled cast iron - which made me hurt my back AGAIN] due to a recall because the enamel chipped off in some of them.  What the fuck, Martha?

Anyway, I need to get a new Dutch oven, and I'm leaning toward Le Crueset, even though it's uber-expensive, because I want something that will last and not make me die.  Does anyone have one? Thoughts?

Also, is there someone whose ass we could kick with this bullshit Daylight Savings Time? Because it's been a couple of weeks and I'm still dragging.

And finally, I'm wondering if anyone has a decent work/life balance, or if that is just some bullshit Oprah touts?  Now, in addition to feeling like I can't get enough done in my day, I also need to figure out how to get my quiet time, which just makes me want to start punching indiscriminately [you've been warned].

PS. One more question - do you judge people by the type of toilet paper they have in their bathrooms? I DO.

Also, I'm dropping marketing knowledge at Funny not Slutty. Check it out! (PS I could use some new questions!)


  1. I love that dark purple lipstick! I don't think I could pull it off but I would love to if I could. Va-va-va-voom.

    I have no work life balance. My brother told me that you might have one of two things in life but never both. Time or money. So enjoy whichever one you have right now, while you have it. Because the tables will inevitably turn.

  2. Replies
    1. SO glad I'm not the only one snickering...

  3. I have that color in a burt's bees lip shimmer! I find it at Bed bath and Beyond here, maybe look on line? it works really well!

  4. I have a Le Creuset. It's the joy of my life. Bonus? I got it at Marshall's (or was it Ross?) and paid nowhere near retail price for it.

  5. I have a KitchenAid enameled cast iron dutch oven, and it's heavy as shit, but me likee very much.

    You've alluded to having a more exotic look than doughy I have, so you should totally rock that cool lipstick colour. Me? Why make my breaded pork chop face just look pastier?

    Yeah, I judge about the toilet paper, but for a different reason than you, Sue! I'm all self-righteous environmental jerk when I see people carrying the triple ply quilted cashmere blankie bs, because it's nothing but scratchy green wipe for me ALL THE WAY! Yeah! MILITANT!

    Hope your back feels better, you poor thing!

  6. I can't help you with the lipstick(on a public forum, but call me). As for the toilet paper, I don't judge, but my friend Aaron has the thickest, softest toilet paper to ever grace my arse with it's presence. It's like a symphony being performed in my crack, and I almost feel like taking a photo of it, just to see if it leaves me full of rainbows and magic.

  7. I have absolutely zero balance in my life. And I judge people for absolutely everything, their type of toilet paper included.

  8. I'm with you on Daylight Savings Time, as you know.

    And I must say that I am actually quite against thick, "comfortable" toilet paper. It shrivels up and sucks and the roll doesn't last long.

    Here's MY question....

    When are you going to change the image that pops up on your "They're called private parts for a reason," post? Without fail, the universe always sees it fit for the comment dialogue box to be directly to the left of the naked dude straddling something. I usually have to re-size my browser (appropriate choice of words, I know) so that the right side of your blog is cut off and all I can see is the dialogue box.

    I still love you though.

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  10. I have 2 Le Crueset dutch ovens and a huge massive stockpot that we found on our honeymoon so long ago. Go for it so worth the money.

  11. I'm a little disappointed in the fact that NONE of the comments above give the key to a balanced life. I'm always feeling behind in something or everything. Did you go to Ulta for lipstick? I could live in there.

  12. I have a set of cast iron cookware that I got from Walmart. I only use the Dutch Oven, but it works quite well, when I did the research into buying the set (I bought it for my wife, for Christmas, because she asked for it, but I still feel like I majorly fucked up a gift there), it sounded like it might actually be the fancy-schmancy brand, just not sold under that name.

    Work & Life balance is utter bullshit -- it can't exist.

    I totally judge people people by the type of toilet paper they have.

  13. My mom buys the earth safe tp & I hate it. I recycle & drive electric & have good tp. The best CostCo sells. As a wise person once told Twitter,"Fuck the polar bears!"

    The work balance trick is you have to have ass both. Or 60/40 or whatever works for you. You can't do it all! Good enough is good enough.

  14. MAC is amazing. Work-life balance is a myth, like people who don't judge.

  15. Work life balance is something they made up to make us feel worse.

  16. There is no such thing as work/life balance. It's in the "unicorn" category. Also, 1 ply means their cheap, and not as clean as they could be. Just sayin'

  17. I only judge if the flap of toilet paper is under instead of on top.

    I'm an on-top kind of chick.

    Do with that what you will.

  18. I'm a big fan of Mac AND Le Creuset...so...yes.
    I've always taken the work/life balance thing to be the goal...not actually attainable. It's maybe one of those Zen-ish things where once you say to yourself "I've attained it!Woo hoo!" you go off balance again.

  19. Work-life balance exists only for gymnasts. Tiny dancers, if you will, with exceptional inner-ear equilibrium. Also, those bitches are thin. I hate them for many, many reasons.

  20. Um, Oprah can afford to buy the world and then kick us all off her planet. Of course she has balance. I can't even stand on one foot too long so I gots nothin'. I uses the MAC. I likes. But not the matt because THAT SHIT WILL NEVER EVER FOREVER EVER AMEN COME THE FUCK OFF.

    If your toilet paper is hard, I consider using your hand towel. And not telling you.

    1. Or Matt's matte maybe. Damn, I hate going too fast and misspelling something. Why yes, yes I do get on my own nerves.

  21. 3 words: LeCrueust outlet store (spelling? probably incorrect. cheaper, yes and not because they are defective).

  22. I love the darker shades of lipstick and they are sometimes hard to find, especially in spring and summer when all the pastel shades are in the stores. I have a secret: Go to CVS or any pharmacy near the city where they sell make-up for women of color. Half the price of Ulta or Sephora and most of it is just as nice.
    Oh, and daylight savings kicked my butt this year, too. I think the combination of time change and bizarre heat wave were too much for my metabolism.

  23. Did you get full retail price for your return?


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.