Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My giant ego

I got sick. Again. Which is complete and utter bullshit.

And I had to take my car in to get fixed because blah blah technical I have no idea [I am a mechanic's wet dream - "Your flugelator needs to be repaired.  That'll be $350." "WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Uh. Fine."] and because I am an idiot, I made an appointment to drop the car off at 7:30am on Monday.  Granted, this was before I got sick over the weekend, but still - that's just a stupid time.

I needed a ride home, since I wasn't going to sit and wait around, and also because I had a shit ton of work to do from home, and also I'M SICK, as my pallor and coughing would indicate.  So it's me and a couple of old guys waiting for the courtesy van.  I asked if they'd mind if I was dropped off first because I was dying, and that was fine until some younger-ish guy jumped in and was like, "Does anyone have to work? Because I work nearby and have to be at work." And I wanted to scream, "I WORK, ASSHOLE!! I'M SICK AND WORKING AND I AM WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR STUPID SORRY SELF, EVEN THOUGH I'VE NOT SHOWERED AND I'M WEARING THE SAME SWEATS I'VE WORN FOR THREE DAYS." 

Because . . . I am crazy, and evidently an entire van full of people need to know that I WORK.  And that guy's time is in no way more important than mine, because I WORK.  Even when I'm SICK.

And, I swear to god, after we dropped off Mr. Jobby McJobberson, I kept trying to figure out how to tell the two old guys and the driver that I ALSO WORK AND WILL BE WORKING FROM HOME TODAY IN ADDITION TO BEING SICK.

I am fucking nuts.


  1. I'm crazy like that.

    Totally crazy like that.

    And sick today: stomach and headache thing going on.


  2. I do the same thing and figure if nothing else, they'll just all agree that the crazy bitch in the yoga pants ranting about needing to get home should be removed from their precious oxygen bubble sooner rather than later. Whatever works (and I WORK, DAMMIT!)

  3. Motherfuckers! Why didn't they see how awesome and sick and worky you are and call the fucking national guard (whatever the crap that is) to get you home STAT. I fucking hate people. Except the awesome ones. You better? Sarah xxx

  4. So much anger and frustration. Methinks the lady needs a bit of the herbal remedy.

  5. You have every right to be pissed. Fuckers! All of em. Now, get back to work.

  6. Oh man. You and I must have swapped places in the germ world, because normally I'm sick oh so many times in a row but for some reason...it's been avoiding me. This in turn makes me wonder if I'm saving up for something BIG like FULL BODY CANCER.

    Oh, I hope you feel better soon! I understand--even if you have also slept in those sweats, I totally dig it.

  7. Meh - let him go to work before you...it helps him compensate for his tiny penis.

  8. So sorry about the sick.

    You should have hacked a loogie on him and then told him you didn't mind.

    I love working from home and I hate working from home. It seems to the world that because I am home, no matter how many times I say— "I. Am. Working. From home."—friends and family do not hesitate to call, ask favors, pop by or bring over their toddlers for me to babysit. No respect for the home based worker.

    And a quick story about an asshole on a shuttle bus. We were in Mexico on our way to our hotel. This fat, ugly chick got on the bus and told the driver she needed to be dropped off first because she was staying at "The One and Only Palmilla?" Just like that, in a question as if we should all bow down to her and her fatness. She then asked my hubs if we could move back from our seat in the front since she was being dropped off first to "The One and Only Palmilla?"

    My hubs said, "No, we're staying at The Timeshare? And we like our seat. But thanks." This caused a great deal of tittering on the bus.

    The bus driver either didn't speak English or hated her as much as we all did. She did not get dropped off first. She got dropped off when we got to her resort. And then? She held up the bus as she went around asking everyone if they had change for a five, so she could tip the driver who had hauled off her bazillion heavy bags filled with fat clothes.

  9. Oh yea. I can totally relate. I feel like I always have to justify my existence, especially when sick. Fuck that guy!

  10. Consider this:

    Someone probably has to have sex with Mr. Jobby McJobberson.

    Poor thing.

    (Hope you feel better.)

  11. It's in the handbook "if you need to get to work, it's fine to ask to cut ahead in a ride share -- UNLESS THERE IS A HOT WOMAN WHO IS SICK."


  12. Why would you make an appointment to do anything at 7:30 in the morning. I always tell people that I work from home so I don't have to get up that early in the morning.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  13. i always get a tour of los angeles neighborhoods i never wanted to know when i have to take those van bus thingys.

  14. Everyone is more important than everyone else, you knows that! You should have told them you have the consumption, then coughed to prove it. Works every time.

    Feel better. (I always think people should say NOW! after saying feel better. It's more of a command rather than aw, I hope you feel better soon).

  15. i want to knock that guys block off. jerk.
    and 7:30 IS a stupid time. not only for any kind of appointment but just in general. it's dumb. it shouldn't exist.

  16. My two favorite things about this post:

    Pallor (completely under utilized noun in today's society)


    Mr. Jobby McJobberson (although I question the need for double jj's. but still. it works).

  17. First, so sorry you're not feeling well. Hope you're better soon. Second, even when you're on death's door, you're f**king funny. I'm a mechanic's wet dream, too. My Hubs won't even let me get the oil changed without tagging along for fear they might talk me into something expensive and unnecessary.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.