I'll start making dinner and then get almost completely done, with one minor thing left on the stove and then . . . I walk away and start doing something else, which leads to burned food and a conversation like this:
Me: How do you not step up to the plate when you know I'm going to burn something?
The Husband: How do you walk away from something ON THE STOVE?
Me: I think we both know that this is going to happen, because it happens a lot. Isn't it your job AS MY HUSBAND to step in when I can't do something?
The Husband: This isn't something you can't do, it's something you refuse to do. What were you doing? Were you on the computer?
Me: . . . Fuck you.
So, in addition to having a husband who refuses to swoop in and save the bread I'm trying to toast in a pan on the stove [I have no idea where our toaster is and we don't have the counter space to keep the toaster oven out, so you can see I have not other options, right?] and keep it from burning, I end up with burnt toast and aggravation and another slightly
Something else that's come up quite a bit lately? You know how sometimes, you pretend to listen to someone talking about something and then your mind wanders and you start thinking about something else, something more entertaining than, say, baseball statistics, and you're wondering if you can really pull off a polo collar dress before your rightly recall that you are not in a Ralph Lauren ad and you also are not really a fan of polo shirts, and then your realize that
I've managed to take this one scary step further. Now, instead of ignoring what the husband is saying and getting lost in that part of the conversation, I AM IGNORING WHAT I AM SAYING AS I'M SAYING IT. More than once lately this has happened:
Me: So I'm thinking I'll go ahead and . . .
The Husband: . . . yeah?
Me: . . . huh?
The Husband: You'll go ahead and . . . ?
Me: . . . I have no idea what I'm talking about.
I'm a little worried about Alzheimer's, but I'm more worried that I've somehow become so boring, I AM BORING MYSELF.
This cannot stand.