Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It could be Alzheimer's. Or . . .

I have a horrible habit sometimes of not paying attention.  Not just to rules and regulations and a lot of what passes for popular culture, but of kind of important things.

I'll start making dinner and then get almost completely done, with one minor thing left on the stove and then . . . I walk away and start doing something else, which leads to burned food and a conversation like this:

Me:  How do you not step up to the plate when you know I'm going to burn something?

The Husband: How do you walk away from something ON THE STOVE?

Me: I think we both know that this is going to happen, because it happens a lot.  Isn't it your job AS MY HUSBAND to step in when I can't do something?

The Husband:  This isn't something you can't do, it's something you refuse to do.  What were you doing? Were you on the computer?

Me:  . . . Fuck you.


So, in addition to having a husband who refuses to swoop in and save the bread I'm trying to toast in a pan on the stove [I have no idea where our toaster is and we don't have the counter space to keep the toaster oven out, so you can see I have not other options, right?] and keep it from burning, I end up with burnt toast and aggravation and another slightly disturbing charming aspect to my personality.

Something else that's come up quite a bit lately?  You know how sometimes, you pretend to listen to someone talking about something and then your mind wanders and you start thinking about something else, something more entertaining than, say, baseball statistics, and you're wondering if you can really pull off a polo collar dress before your rightly recall that you are not in a Ralph Lauren ad and you also are not really a fan of polo shirts, and then your realize that your husband the other person has stopped talking and is waiting for you to respond and you have absolutely no idea what you're supposed to say?

I've managed to take this one scary step further.  Now, instead of ignoring what the husband is saying and getting lost in that part of the conversation, I AM IGNORING WHAT I AM SAYING AS I'M SAYING IT.  More than once lately this has happened:

Me: So I'm thinking I'll go ahead and . . .

The Husband:  . . .  yeah?

Me: . . . huh?

The Husband:  You'll go ahead and . . . ?

Me: . . . I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I'm a little worried about Alzheimer's, but I'm more worried that I've somehow become so boring, I AM BORING MYSELF.

This cannot stand.


  1. I do that a lot. The forgetting what someone else is talking about. Mrs. Birdman forgets what she was talking about. I guess we're a good pair.

  2. I love this post. Also, I toast bread in a skillet, too, because I have zero counter space.

  3. Truth? I think yo uare so NOT boring that other people are jealous and they stop talking because they are dying to know what's going on in your head...

    Just a theory. ;)

  4. Yup. I do that all the time. Sometimes without wine. I'm going to be a babbling idiot by the time I hit 50. ::sigh::

  5. Oh this is hilarious! You're telling a story and then suddenly you hear your own voice as if it's somebody else's and you have no idea what they are saying.

  6. I have this habit of asking people questions (what do you want to drink? Do I turn right or left? What's your name?) and then, while still maintaining eye contact, completely fail at listening to the answer. Here, have a mango juice. What, you just said you were deadly allergic? No you didn't. What?) Having a series of small cerebro-vascular incidents all day every day is sexy, right?

  7. I've noticed recently that when I am introduced to people, I make absolutely no effort to learn or remember their names. What is wrong with me? Why don't I listen? Is this why I'm still single?

  8. This happens to me a lot actually, but I work with a lot of people with accents and I can't understand them anyway. My go-to response is always "do what you gotta do.". It often works.

  9. Yes.
    I mean, no.
    I am often a complete space cadet and lately it's been happening when I'm driving which is really scary, too. I think it's all the online shit I do...it distracts my mind. Which is probably why I do it but I have a hard time turning it off.

  10. Oh Sue, are we sisters separated at birth? This sounds a LOT like me. Eerily. (it's not alzheimers...the menfolk often talk about things that are boring. They're not always conversationalists. Look at any school playground: the boys are all running around kicking balls, and the girls are well on their way to lifelong conversational skills. See? Science).

  11. This is me. You stole my post (except for the toast part, because I have a toaster. On the counter).

  12. Ugh.

    I bore the shit out of myself too.


  13. Last Christmas I fell asleep while my sister-in-law was talking to me. Sitting upright on a couch. Just fell asleep. In the middle of the day.

    And I like her. I just couldn't stay awake any longer.

    Take heart. Unless you have narcolepsy.
    Then you're screwed.

  14. This is my life, minus the husband but plus two teenage sons. Arrrgh.

  15. I'm more concerned that you're eating toast FOR DINNER than any of that Alzheimer's. But if you're making dinner and forget to put on pants, then I'm worried for you...

  16. Dude, that stuff on the stove thing? EXACTLY my married life. Why aren't they keeping an eye on us?

    Also, I work in a job that specializes in dementia. I often tell normally functioning people, stress can also cause distraction/forgetfulness. So just tell people how stressed you are when these things happen!


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