Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Why I Want to Strangle Marketing People and Also the Insurance People.

As you may have noticed, the husband and very seldom watch actual tv. This makes us lightyears better than you.  Excuse me while I put something away in my PBS tote bag.

We watch Netflix and Hulu, so I don't often see actual commercials. [Although I can probably recite the Tempurpedic commercial by heart right now. THANKS, HULU. Also, does anyone actually know anyone who has a Tempurpedic? I do not, but I do have a few questions, like, 1. Are regular beds not good enough for you? and 2. Did you also by the Shark Steam Cleaner? Because I really covet those.]

I have, however, seen a commercial recently that have made me want to kill someone. 

It is a HAP insurance commercial.  I have HAP. It is shitty, in that it is an insurance company, and therefore will fuck you over as much as possible and also make it impossible to get anything done.  You know what I mean, of course, if you have had anything to do with an insurance company. 

Well, in the ad, a mom talks about getting a call from her son 11,000 miles away that he was sick.  So she's all wigged and calls HAP and the nice person at HAP emails her information on the nearest best hospital and made sure that they had an English speaking translator.

I just about kicked the shit out of the t.v.


Because when the girl dislocated her knee [AGAIN] in December, I had to deal with having an out-of-state claim on our insurance. So I called and got authorization and was told that we would pay the fee and then HAP would reimburse our claim.



FUCK YOU HAP. Oh, fuck you so hard.

Every time I call, it's, "Oh, we didn't get that." EXCEPT YOU DID, BECAUSE I HAVE HERE IN MY NOTES THAT WHEN I CALLED IN JANUARY, FEBRUARY, MARCH AND APRIL, you not only had the claim, or needed the claim, which I faxed and mailed, and the doctor's office also faxed and mailed to you, and Pretending To Be Helpful Lady said "Oh, yes, we are processing the claim. It will take 30 days."





So, yeah, the idea that anyone at any insurance company does anything helpful makes my fucking head explode.



  1. I work for a fairly large midwestern health insurance company. Honest to God I have a work ethic to make people improve their views on insurance companies. I make it my personal mission to have a ONE day turn around on anything I deal with because I know people expect the run around when dealing with me (even though the company policy is a four day turn around). Sorry you're having troubles getting your claim resolved, hopefully you can find the right person to get things done for you!

    P.S. first time commenting...enjoy your lady boner!

  2. Preach it, sister! They all suck, the bunch of douchewaffles! They want their money, but then when it's time for them to pay the piper, they try to put every obstacle in your way so that you finally give up. I really feel for older people trying to navigate the insurance system---if it's this difficult for us, imagine how frustrating and confusing it is for them. Bad karma to your ins. company! #shakesfistwildly

  3. OH and PBS? That's the channel that shows Sesame Street, right? I'm a fan, too. WHen I;m not watching quality smut tv like Real Housewives of New Jersey.

  4. God I hate that!! Argh!! My health insurance company is an asshole. But even worse, the insurance company is trying to not have to pay my mom's medical bills from the accident, they're saying it was her fault that she was crossing a street and a truck ran her over, too bad.

  5. I've written about this before and I'm right there with you: FUCK YOU INSURANCE COMPANY!

  6. Holy hell in a hand basket - I spent an hour on the phone with my insurance company today trying to find out about a mysterious $725 bill. I still don't know what it's for...

  7. Damn it why did I check in here today? I spent 40 minutes on the phone with husband's fuckin cheap ass lying sack of shit insurance and had finally calmed down and now I read this. They all blow. Look, just between you and me, I have a handgun so let's get this taken care of now.

  8. Don't even get me started on health insurance. I'm currently in physical therapy for my back. I've recently been informed that my insurance will pay for only 60 consecutive days per injury PER LIFETIME. So, yeah, I'm 31, and I can no longer get treated for back pain FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE.

    Let's never reform health care. It's working perfectly.

  9. If it helps you feel better, you would not like that fucking Shark steam cleaner. I got it. It sucks.

  10. I got frustrated just reading this. I can only imagine how frustrated you are living it. *hugs*

  11. Contact your State Insurance Commission, file a formal complaint. Tell asshole insurance company you have filed complaint. Viola - your shit will get paid.

  12. Maybe if you slept on a Tempurpedic you wouldn't be so cranky.


    Next time, make sure the girl dislocates her knee 11,000 miles away. Because then HAP will surely be more helpful.


    Offer those assholes your PBS tote bag.

    I know. I'm about as helpful as Pretending to be Helpful Lady, right?

    Love you. And your exploding head.

  13. That is ridiculous!
    I'm taking a moment to thank the universe for my husband's awesome coverage.
    Ok, I'm done.
    You should sue those motherfuckers.

  14. Seldom do I wish harm on any actual people . . . but I root for insurance executives to be raped by bears anytime they venture out into the woods.

    I paid through the nose, at my last job, but I had awesome coverage . . . seriously, if I was out of state and needed emergency care, it was actually easier for me, because they classified an emergency room visit as "a true emergency" so I only had to pay a $10 copay - even if that single emergency might have included a hospital stay & multiple surgeries.

    At this job, I have the lovely issue of a climbing deductible - I have no idea what the hell that shit means, all I know is that, while I have insurance, I end up paying every cent that the doctor charges me until May, every year. And kids are fucking expensive when they decide to jump off of park benches head first into concrete.

    Fucking expensive, I tell you.

  15. i bought and returned the shark steam cleaner. i'm not allowed to watch infomercials anymore.

  16. Hand raised for a Tempurpedic. At the time we bought it, yes, we were better than everyone else paying under $1800 for a motherfucking mattress. Suckers! You only spent $900 and you can't feel the coils? I paid $1800 back STILL fucking hurts!

    I've never understood refund processes. When I visit the doctor for whatever reason, payment is expected at the time of service, as in immediately, right then. Why am I not due the same damn courtesy? It's the same way with shopping. If I go to Target, they actually want their $250 I spend every goddamn time I go before I leave the store. If I return something the next day, I have to wait 3-5 days for my refund. The hell sense does that make? If the insurance co can send you to collection for not paying, why can't we in turn sue them for nonpayment/nonreimbursement?

  17. Call/write the Michigan Dept of Insurance and report them. Then write a letter to HAP's CEO.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.