Thursday, May 10, 2012

I keep asking, so you have to answer.

I'm wondering the following:

1.  Is there a service that will handle calling, say, credit card and student loan companies so that you don't have to deal with them? Wouldn't that be a great thing? I would pay top dollar for that shit.

2.  I have lately been extremely paranoid that any email or text I send talking smack about anyone will somehow get mysteriously sent to that person. [I am NOT talking smack about you, of course. This is about random people you do not know.]  So I end up deleting the smack talk and writing innocuous things. I think I may be ready to run for office.  Are you at all paranoid about getting busted for talking about people?

3. Do you have plans for Memorial Day weekend? What are they? Would you consider it weird if I showed up?

4.  Is there a smell that makes you sick but is innocuous to other people? For me it's lilacs. BLERGH. I get headachey and barfy just thinking about it.

Any questions for me?


  1. I don't think tequila qualifies as a valid answer to "innocuous to other people". . . but it's offensive to ME.

  2. 1. I could go for that. I would also like to see "professional negotiators"...someone that would accompany a person when buying something like a car. They would negotiate on your behalf, and would be paid a percentage of the amount that they save you off the purchase price.

    2. I'm a network admin, and just to let you know: we read all emails that come through the system and save all the juicy ones for later blackmail. (Just kidding...just kidding. Or am I?) ;-)

    3. Yep - I'm working. Show up, if you like...but you must bring some biscuits. Otherwise, no deal.

    4. Pink bubblegum. Ugh. I get queasy just thinking about it.

  3. I learned my lesson the hard way on number two. Oops!

  4. RE: number 2...
    I once replied to a business email inquiry with the phrase "Yes, dirty pig"...I thought I was replying to a friend. I was mortified, luckily the recipient got a good laugh out of it and didn't turn me in. So, yeah, I triple check addresses when I send personal emails and texts.

  5. 1) I wish. That would have helped me a LOT around 8 years ago.

    2) OMG I do the same thing. Even when I'm certain that I'm texting or emailing the right person.

    3) Um...I guess we're going to my mom's. And if you were there it would be amazing.

    4) Hmm...good question. I can't think of anything, though. I'll have to get back to you on that one. I might randomly tweet something about this to you at some point over the course of the rest of the time we know each other. And of course I'll expect you to know what I'm talking about. So put a sticky note on your monitor or something to remind you.

  6. I hate the smell of most flowers. Especially roses.

    And yes, I am always afraid of talking shit about people in fear that they will see it.

  7. I send periodic emails to my friend Zarah titled "things I can't say on my blog". And I just KNOW that shit is going to bite me in the ass some day.

    Dijon mustard. GAG.

  8. Lilies, bleck. They're pretty, but they make me want to hurl.

  9. I am having a few friends for a BBQ on Memorial Day and if you showed up I would be thrilled! August can NOT come soon enough, prankster.

    Ever since I served 2 years as PTA chair (I know! I must have been on crack.) I am totally paranoid about putting anything in writing that I wouldn't say to someone's face. I rarely break that rule...even on my blog. I love people but maybe don't trust them entirely not to hit "Forward."

  10. 2.) Yep. Learned it the hard way...several times. I think the smack. I say the smack. But I don't write the smack any more. (Mostly)

    3.) Please do NOT show up for Memorial Day. My husband and I are celebrating our 15 year anniversary and there will probably be sex. On second thought, you're invited. Just knock first. Bring the Scrabble.

    4.) For me, it is certain sounds that freak me out and make me want to hurl. The sound of silverware on plates? SHUDDER.

  11. 2) talking smack about someone behind their backs is worse than saying it to their face (i always get caught when i talk shit and the embarrassment is soul sucking)

    3) nothing.

    4) hippie perfume

    question for you: where do you come up with your questions?

  12. 1. That would be awesome. You know what else would be great? If there was, like, some kind of service you could call when you need to find a phone number. I would pay as much as $0.75 for something like that!

    2. Nope, because I know the government is monitoring everything I say and do anyway.

    3. It would only be weird if you showed up without a puking dog or with an iguana that didn't have it's intestines hanging out of it's ass. But grab yourself a cat who cant pee, and let's party!


  13. 2. I am always afraid of sending the smack to the smackee so I'm anal about checking, double checking, rechecking, checking three times a lady that the TO field does not have that person's name. I work for the guhment so I know they're reading my mail and probably this as I type. Sup, Fred? Bring me some Fun Dip, I know you got some.

    3. I got nothin'. If you come, bring tequila.

    4. There are two smells I can't tolerate. I can't walk by a Five Guys without wanting to hurl and I despise the smell of hot dog vendors. Well, not the vendors themselves; some of them may not stink and make me want to upend their little trucks, but the hot dogs make me wanna upend their little trucks Hulk No Like Hot Dog Smell style. But, I'm w/the her name's not Iris bearded one above; it's more disliking sounds for me: another person chewing, styrofoam being pulled out of a box, the requisite fingernails on a chalkboard, and gum popping. You pop your gum around me and it's on, bitch; you're going down.

    5c. Is it wrong if I kick my third grader's teacher's ass for continuing to send home word problems for homework? I've asked her twice to stop that shit.

  14. I can't get past #1 because I'm trying to think of other shit you might pay top dollar for.



  15. Question: Are you ready to be tarotized?

  16. My answers zipped right out of my head as soon as I read the word "tarotized." How do you pronounce that shit?

  17. the smell of Jackfruit. it's disgusting :/

  18. Burnt toast. Makes me want to yak AND pound someone for creating that smell. I have a superhero powerful nose though, so there must be other scents that do it.

    You know--I was just about to bitch about some...people I know recently, and I thought...what if a weird glitch happens here in facebook and the email either gets posted on my PAGE or gets sent to the people in question!?! Then I niced it up. Damn.

  19. 2. I've actually gone to forward an email to someone but have been so paranoid that it would somehow accidentally go *back* to the original sender that I deleted the whole damn thing and moved on. It's probably the universe telling us to be better people, eh? Maybe we should just keep these kinds of correspondence between us. Win for all. ;D

    4. Cigar smoke and diesel exhaust make me instantly nauseated. Charlie perfume is a close third (we were forced to smell it in the car as kids with ALL THE EFFING WINDOWS UP). Gah.

  20. Seeing as how I did not realize that Memorial Day is approaching, I'm going to go ahead and say no, I don't have plans. Want to visit?

  21. I hate lilacs, too. Unfortunately my husband has a passion for them and the bushes surround our house. It all goes back to when I was pregnant for the first time. I nearly retched during my first trimester every time I walked by a blossoming bush or tree. The feeling never went away.

  22. As per usual I am WAY behind. Because I have been very busy reading Bossypants one. page. at. a. time. to make it last longer.

    In the wrong order:

    Jonquils make me PUKE.

    I am completely paranoid about 'replying' to an email instead of 'forwarding'. I once failed to hang up a call properly and loudly declared that I could only stand that girl in very small doses. Friendship over.

    I don't what the hell day that is but you are welcome at my place, any time, for any duration, for any reason, any time, any time.

    I would pay anyone any amount to deal with all all utilities, banks etc. I fucking haaaaaaaaaaaate them.

    Sarah xxx


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