I am someone who tends to hold a grudge. For, like, ever.
The husband has said I would make an excellent Mafia Don, because I will never, ever forget a slight. And to me, there is no difference between a real or a perceived slight - if it seems like a slight, you'd better be prepared to deal with the consequences.
I'm fun to hang out with! Let's be friends!
This, however, has made my life kind of fucking exhausting. I've never understood friends who tell me that they forgive people who have wronged them. How is that possible? How do you function without that white-hot burning sense of justifiable anger to keep you warm? How do you let the other person, who has ALREADY wronged you, get even more of an upper hand by letting them get away with it through forgiveness?
Seriously. Let's be friends. I'm a treat!
Lately, I've been thinking that maybe the non-stop anger fest needs to come down a notch. I mean, I will still be angry at douchebags, because they are douchebags [i.e., GP], but I need to rethink my immediate gut reaction to pretty much everything being a sense of being wronged. I need to stop keeping score and rating actions and reactions by some mythical, rigid table of slights and reacting to those slights as if the only response is emotional thermonuclear war.
I need to stop and reassess how I go through life, partly because of wanting to be a nicer person, mostly because it will benefit me. And I am all about me.
So I've been slowly going through these zen-type books, and I've been having a bit of a hard time understanding how you'd want to open up and look into that soft spot that your anger is covering, but I can see, in my friends who are more relaxed than I, that it's maybe not a bad place to be.
Do you hold a grudge? Or are you one of those people who can let stuff go?
PS Speaking of how awesome I am, I'm over at Funny not Slutty today, dispensing advice and being brilliant. I'd love it if you stopped by and commented. Because if you don't? Oh, man. WE WILL HAVE ISSUES.