Did you think I had vanished?
I kind of thought so, too.
BUT, rest assured, I have not. I am still here, enjoying being fortygoddamnfour like nobody's business, and being kinder to myself and others. Mostly myself because fuck everyone else [but not you, never you]. That's my mantra this year.
I went to BlogHer. And it was fun and exhausting and draining and exciting and why the fuck did I never move to New York when I was younger and had more moxie? WHY didn't I?
I got into town early and took a ride into town from the airport with Alexandra, who gets sweeter every time I see or talk to her. Seriously. I think the reason that Adult Onset Diabetes is on the rise is because of her.
I also met up with my cousin who lives in Manhattan and who is living my life - the life I expected to be living. As she said, and as I know, it's always greener on the other side, and I'm trying to let go recriminations and dwelling, so I'll just say she's fabulous and I'm fabulous and I had a great time with her. We went out to dinner and I had a horrific panic attack and she was a trooper. Truly.
I ended up not being able to sleep much that night, because of the crazy, which meant I started out the conference in a sleep deficit. And I also started it out stress pooping, which was awful but had a wonderful unintended side effect, in that I knew all the secret passageways around the hotel and to and from my hotel, as well as all the excellent empty bathrooms on every floor. I also knew where every water refill station was, so THAT was good. And I found a great Au Bon Pain which was a life saver because the food was pretty blech, which is to be expected at any conference.
As to the conference itself - I met up with a lot of great people, some for only a few minutes, some for longer, depending on our schedules. I'm not including any names, because I will forget a lot of people, as evidenced by the fact that I FORGOT THAT I HAD ALREADY BEEN INTRODUCED TO PEOPLE AND SPENT TIME WITH THEM A FEW HOURS EARLIER. Yes. I'm a douche.
I ended up at a couple of sessions I hadn't planned on attending, and as usually happens, those were the most interesting ones and the ones that helped me focus. I'm still trying to figure out if it was worthwhile, as I don't necessarily consider myself a "BlogHer" blogger - I'm not really a mom blogger or a craft blogger or a DIY blogger, and they don't really have a foul-mouthed humor blogger category. I DID love meeting so many of the wonderful people in person that I connect with online, and for that, it was completely worthwhile. So rather than look at this as every moment having to be a move toward me being an amazing writer/published memoirist/novelist, I'm going to do what I do with work-type conferences and think that if there are three things I can take away, then I win.
1. People are fucking amazing.
2. I can write what I want and it's o.k.
3. Everyone can make pictures!
I also had an incredible roommate, who added to my sleep deficit. Leslie from The Bearded Iris and I were sharing a room for 3 nights and we consistently stayed up until 3:30am or so talking about the day. I'm still BlogHer hungover and haven't yet completely unpacked, but fuck it. I'm 44 and I don't have to do a goddamn thing I don't want to.
And neither do you.
PS You can still click through and buy a Swiffer Wet Jet Starter Kit if you want to!