Thursday, February 28, 2013

Dazed and Confused

I'm having a bit of outpatient surgery today. I've been told it's not a big deal, but that hasn't helped me keep my shit together this week. I've been a fucking ray of sunshine, I have.

So, while I'm under sedation, I'd appreciate you all sending me happy thoughts. And while I'm enjoying the haze of pain meds, I'd appreciate finding out the following:

Have you ever been hospitalized? What did you think of the experience? I keep hoping it'll be like when Patsy and Edina went to the hospital on AbFab, but I can't seem to find someone to go with me. Are you interested?

Also, I always feel like I should be wearing some sort of fancy silk dressing gown in the hospital, instead of the uber-sexy backside-baring gown that is both comfortable AND uncomfortable at the same time. A miracle of modern medicine.

Further, I'd like to know your feelings on pain meds. As I've noted, I'm not a fan of Vicodin, since it doesn't seem to help me like Tylenol 3 with Codeine. Delicious, delicious codeine. What's your favorite med?

Finally, I'd like to know why it is that we can become paralyzed with procrastination when deadlines loom. WHY IS THAT? It's like I can't even focus.

I'll be wearing sweats and watching soap operas. Join me?


  1. I would LOVE to join you. I'll bring the weed! Wait, will I get to try your meds? Are we having a pharm party? I want something with codeine too. Percocet does nothing for me. I've never had Vicodin but I'd like to. Will it make me sleepy? Angry? Horny? I don't think I should be horny beside you on the sofa. I'd really like to reconnect with the Newmans and the Abots. I miss them. I had surgery on my teeny tiny titty to take out a bit of shit that didn't belong. I asked them if there was a street drug equivalent for whatever they gave me because YES. I WANT TO HAVE MORE OF THE THAT. Procrastination owns me; I am its unwilling yet complying bitch.

  2. Happy thoughts...happy thoughts...happy thoughts. I clapped my hands, too, just so you know.

  3. The last time I was in the hospital to have my uterus yanked out. I have this inner ear thing so the anesthetist didn't recommend general anesthia, so I had an epidural, which I was strangely okay with when 20 years earlier I was flipping out at the idea of someone sticking anything in my spine--had both my babies (8 and 9 pounders!) without drugs, yo!

    So anyway, the surgery went fine, but after they gave me morphine, even though I told them I did not want morphine, and I about clawed myself to death from the itching. They kept giving me Benadryl, which only made me hyper, so I did not sleep for two days and then I did have an inner ear attack and I had vertigo and nausea and my doctor was all "you cannot throw up, you'll tear your stitches!" and I was all, "Then you better put me to fucking sleep!" and he was all, "What do I need to do?" and I was all, "Stadol/vistaril IV cocktail, STAT!" And remarkably he ordered that very thing and also ordered everyone to leave me the hell alone, told the nurses to not even check my vitals, and I took a nice long nap and awoke feeling very refreshed.

    Damn. I wish I had some of that right now.

    Speedy recovery, love. Wish I could be there to hold your hand.

    1. Goddammit, why don't you post anymore Ms. Flappy! I miss you!


  4. I have had many, many surgeries. Major surgeries. My fave pain med is the straight up anesthesia but hydrocodone is what I get afterwards, always. Morphine makes me hallucinate, which is fun for everyone around me, just not me. And oh my god I fucking love AbFab! Hope all turns out well so we can keep getting bits of goodness from you!


  5. Hope all went well. Hope the drugs were good. Hope you found your Patsy. You and I are both Eddie.

  6. Hope you're well.

    I'm up for the knife next and lemme tell you: none too pleased about it.

    Take it easy, sweetie...will be thinking of you.


  7. Best of luck and take care of yourself! I'm with you on Tylenol 3 w/ Codeine. Beats all the others!

  8. I was just saying how I need to get into some sort of an accident or have surgery so I can get some drugs. You see, I'm sober, so I can't go out and get high on my own. However, if I got into an accident and needed morphine, well then I'm in the clear!

    Good luck with whatever it is you're having removed or fixed up.

  9. I had Vicodin once and was flying high for days. I'm pretty sure that I shared my life story with the doctor and frightened the nurses with outbursts of inappropriate jokes.
    Hope all went well and you are recovering quickly!

  10. Hope you are felling better! SORRY I MISSED YOUR NEWS!!! Wishing you a speedy recovery.

    This job keeps getting in the way of my online life. I love Vicodin!

  11. I spent a month in the hospital. Get your own room if possible. Get the gift shop to deliver you a newspaper eveyday. Don't watch Jerry Springer or anything negative. Pick something live Ellen or Good Moring America and watch & then turn it off. Get crafts or books delivered. Eat as many fruits & veggies as you can & a little bit of junk to stay sane.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.