Tuesday, February 5, 2013

It's like I don't even know who I am anymore.

Seriously. I've started questioning myself, my beliefs, my whole state of being.  I'm not sure what to do about these things, but I've noticed them, and they frighten me.

* I've found myself watching the CBS Morning News with Charlie Rose, because evidently I'm not only a liberal, but also 75 years old.

* Speaking of old, I went to the symphony the other night with friends and I found myself looking with envy at the old ladies who clearly did not give a fuck, and wore their orthopedic tennis shoes with their nice outfits. I WANT TO BE THAT OLD LADY. I'm probably closer than I think.  I'll see you in Boca Raton.

* I've taken a sudden interest in IRAs. And not the fighting Irish IRA. No. The money kind. Like I suddenly turned into an accountant. [Nothing against my accountant friends.  Yes, I have them.]

* I found three chin hairs in MY DREAM last night.  WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?

* If I go out on a Saturday night, without fail, I end up with a headache on Sunday EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOT BEEN DRINKING.  This makes me want to START just drinking everything on Saturday nights because if I'm going to have a hangover, I'm going to get blackout drunk first. That just seems fair.

So.  What weird stuff have you been doing?


  1. Sounds like Saturday night is dehydrating you. I agree. Make it worth the pain...or drink more water.

  2. I have a bottle on my desk at work that I refill with water. I use lemon juice in it to make it more appealing because what I really want is a goddamn pepsi. Anyway, if I leave the cap on without finishing the water, it smells like eggs the next day. I DO THIS EVERY DAMN DAY. WTF, ME? You know you'll have to wash the bottle; why not just rinse it the night before? You're an asshole.

    I tell me kids I have no candy and they couldn't have any even if I did but then 10 minutes later I pull out a Starburst.

    I can't remember ANYTHING lately. I started taking Gingko Biloba but I can never remember to take it.

    And I agree on Sunday mornings. Make your Saturday nights more specialer so Sunday has a reason to be an asshole.

  3. What weird stuff HAVEN'T I been doing is the better question.

    I don't just dream about my chin hair. I HAVE chin hair. A lot of it. There. I said it. I blame it on my eastern European blood.

    I can one-up Arnebya. I've managed to somehow leave a cup with coffee in it on my desk long enough for it to grow mold. It was tucked behind the screen, behind a large container of Clorox wipes (oh the irony). I hope so hard that no one else had ever noticed it.

    I must curl my left hand up in a strange way when I sleep because most mornings I wake up and I can hardly flex my fingers above the middle knuckle. I have no trouble with it the rest of the day.

    Oh, and three nights ago, out of nowhere, I couldn't put any weight on my right foot because my ankle felt so weak. For no reason. It went away after, like, a half hour.

    1. I have chin hair, too. But I'm Swedish so it's blond. And I tell myself no one can see it.

      Then I realize when I go OUTSIDE IN DAYLIGHT, everyone can.
      See it, I mean.

      Like those old ladies with the orthopedic shoes, I can't care.

      (Okay. I care a little. But not enough to wax. Sheesh.)

  4. I had a wicked hangover all day yesterday, with a very distinctive headache. I woke up today, however, and that headache was still there. Basically, I didn't drink, and tried to flush my system, all day yesterday because I was fucking sick.


    Meet you at Del Boca Vista (speaking of the symphony, what was on their program?)

  5. I'm been doing shit like this for years. John and I have had dinner OUT in nice restaurants before 5pm every single we go out..we want to be home (GODAMMIT) before 8pm. ;)

    I remember to take all the pills I'm taking to stay young (YEAH RIGHT) but I don't think they are working. Oh and I go to bed before the twins. They are 5. I am 43, I'm obviously fucking tired.


  6. Bahah that last one is so unfair. You should drink...if you're gonna pay for it, might as well make it worth it!

  7. Just growing into who we really are, SUni.

    No more shenanigans to please the masses.


  8. I've been wearing snow boots to work and slipping black flats on when I get there. I keep them under my desk. They go with eveything in my mostly black wardrobe. I ruined a cute pair of black flats last year with salt. :(

    I'm going to FL to visit my mom. We can be ladies who lunch.

    I agree that you might as well get shit faced on Saturday night.

  9. I wish I only found chin hairs in my dreams.

  10. Fun post :)

    I listen to only talk radio in my car now. Or classical music, because it relaxes me. And, sob, I had to get reading glasses, cause my eyes, for the first time ever, have declined. What will become of me?? I'm not ready to be old!

  11. hey, at least the chin hairs were in your dream... just sayin. could be worse.

  12. I'm getting noticing that I need to hold the iphone further away to read...
    and yep, same about drinking or not drinking.
    and last night Frank Black from the Pixies played in town (ithaca) and I didn't go.
    The fact that Where is my Mind was playing LIVE in the same town I live in and I chose to go to bed early instead is proof of aging if there ever was one.
    and the irony? My 4yo woke me up at 4am, and stayed up ever since... so I still didn't get enough sleep.
    love this post so much.

  13. Yep I'm rockin' the SAS shoes, so take that, cold cruel shoe world!

  14. The only weird thing that happened to me this past week is that hub and I ended up having surgical procedures of different kinds that left us both with left arm/hand we can't use. Youngest daughter calls us Gimp 1 and Gimp 2. She is such a wretched daughter.


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