Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Summer Blockbuster!

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend. I had a very nice time, thanks for asking.

Last year, we ended up having a ton of people over, despite the fact that we don't have a pool or a beach in our backyard - two things I think are key to enjoying a summer holiday.  This year, we've been pulling back somewhat from our entertaining extravaganzas. The girl is home, we missed her, and honestly? We want some alone time with just us and her. She's 16. It's not much longer before she's going to be gone even more or even all of the time.  And while we all still like each other, it's nice to be able to spend quality time lounging around, talking about books and life and philosophy and tv and movies.

Which was when we discovered we'd been remiss in raising our child. She had never seen a summer save the world-type blockbuster movie. 

How is this possible? Neither the husband nor I - ok, it's me - are big fans of blow-'em-up action movies. There was a point, back when we had cable, that the husband and I watched summer blockbuster action movies - ok, the same portion of Independence Day on HBO - on the reg but that was a long time ago. 

We needed to rectify this, so we tried to watch a summer blockbuster on Netflix [Bad Boys, so we could keep the Will Smith tradition going]  and got about 10 minutes in before we all went "Meh" and ended up watching The Big Sleep [which is always AWESOME, and even BLOCKBUSTERY, especially when you watch it on VHS, because we are OLD SCHOOL].

At that point, we decided to go to the movie theater to see a big summer movie and ended up seeing White House Down [sorry, @GrandeMocha - we'll figure out another one to watch]. We picked this movie for several reasons:

1.  It was at the right time.
2.  Channing Tatum in a tank top.
3.  Blowing stuff up.

While the girl and I were waiting in the LONG line for popcorn, a couple of women behind us were talking, and we overheard this:
Woman1: I thought I recognized her, and asked her how she was doing.  And then I asked if she was here with her family.
Woman2: Oh, are they here?
W1: Oh, no. I mean, she's 16, and there's no way she'd be at the movies on a Friday night with her parents.
The girl turned to me and whispered, "I'm failing at life."

I, of course, could not stop laughing.

We got our giant trough of popcorn and 2 gallon-sized drinks [I snuck in my own bottle of water, because I am a REBEL and hate Dasani], and sat down to enjoy the show, with the girl in between me and the husband, so that her life failure would reach full capacity.  The movie began and . . .

It. Was. EPIC.

Explosions and nonsensical dialog and shooting and a McPoyle from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Jamie Foxx as a badass president and armored car chases and secret tunnels and NORAD [the girl leaned over and said, "I thought they only tracked Santa"] and Channing Tatum in a tank top. I don't want to spoil the ending, but there is AN ACTUAL FLAG BEING WAVED. 


My only quibble is that Channing Tatum should have removed his clothing earlier in the movie [he was still wearing his suit like half way through! WTF?] and that he probably could have busted a move at some point, too.  Still, despite this lapse in judgment on the part of the filmmakers, our whole family was cracking up and enjoying ourselves immensely.  We also were mildly uncomfortable from all the popcorn we ate, but that's a small price to pay for celebrating freedom.

We have created a new family 4th of July tradition.  You're welcome to join us next year.


  1. I love your family and particularly your daughter. I'm less crazy about Channing Tatum in a tank top, seeing as how I'm partial to men with actual necks and not just heads plunked on shoulders like a coconut on a bookshelf, but that's a minor quibble. As it happens my almost thirteen yr old son is jockeying to go to this movie ALONE WITH HIS FRIENDS AND NO PARENTS PLEASE MOM...and your review suggests that it is absolutely in the wheelhouse for a pre-teen boy.

  2. I call him Channing Taint-Yum. (I wish I could take credit for this line. But it's from This is the End.)

  3. I let my not quite 13 yr old go with her friends ("go" as in dropped off, picked up) to see World War Z. I hope there never comes a time that she won't want to go with me/us. I like movies way too much). I'm late to the Channing party. Didn't watch his gyrations until a month or so ago. I could watch more, discerningly, I'm sure.

  4. THIS IS OUR TRADITION!!!!!!!!! We see a blockbuster except we do it as a matinee on July 5 because we're cheap like that. Your girl is amazing. xo

  5. That comment by the girl is soooo you.
    Freaky, those genes.

  6. Your daughter's comments cracked me up... and your post too. Now everytime I hear the word Blockbuster is like hearing someone talk about broken records... who even remembers what a record is, let alone Blockbuster? Apparently some of us older folk. :P


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