I really, really, REALLY hate shopping.

I spent 4.5 hours at the mall this weekend. In a row.

I'm surprised there was minimal carnage. 

I hate shopping. I mean, I like getting stuff, particularly for myself, but I HATE trying to find it. I enjoy a sale, but I don't like flicking through every single hangar to find a great bargain. My dream shopping experience would be walking into a store where everything was neatly arranged, with ample space for walking and looking, and all of it is a minimum of 60% off. Plus, sales clerks who are helpful and a tiny bit obsequious. I love being catered to.

Anyway, the girl needed some stuff, the husband was at work, and it fell on me to take her shopping.  Which I didn't mind, really. We had a hilarious time, even when things were at their most exasperating. In retrospect, I probably should have made time for the Aveda salesgirl to give me a lavender scented quickie neck rub, since that would have helped me relax some and would have led to a calmer better calmer outcome for the clerk at the Apple store.

Again, no one was harmed during this shopping trip.

But they came damnably close.

I deny threatening anyone [out loud], but I do want to say, WOMEN KEEP THEIR OWN GODDAMN LAST NAMES WHEN THEY GET MARRIED, YOU KNOW? I do not make it a practice of carrying my marriage certificate with me, but you'd better believe that the next time I'm asked to sign something that has anything to do with the husband, I am signing his last name instead of mine, since that is evidently enough to show that we're married. For the Apple store, at least.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, except to say although I generally love your products [and am typing away on my iMac right now], I was more than a little exasperated trying to get the upgraded computer we ordered for the girl.