Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Fantasy vs. Reality. Why can't Fantasy ever win?

In my fantasy life, I am on top of stuff. I get stuff done EARLY and EFFICIENTLY and have time to enjoy myself instead of running up against deadline after deadline.  I will create a To Do List that will map out, in detail, my plan for getting the girl ready to go back to school / the house clean / the laundry done / myself fit / my writing done.  This glorious To Do List will have such specific workflows and breakdowns as:

Write A Blog Post
Brainstorm ideas [Using the notebook I keep in my purse!]
Sketch out some preliminary outlines
Figure out the perfect, symmetrical blogging schedule
Write rough drafts of several posts, with a tentative timeline and a flow that makes sense, that tells a story
Revise and create posts that will delight my readers and bring joy to my heart
Win the newly created Nobel Prize for Blogging, and then become a reclusive but uberfamous author in the guise of JD Salinger

Write A Blog Post 
Sit at the computer with an open tab on Blogger
Realize I still haven't moved to my own domain
Hate myself a little
Stare at blank template
Check Wonkette
Check Twitter
Check Facebook
Check Tumblr
Play Candy Crush
Go to bed
Come up with a great idea in the shower at 7:02am
Forget it by the time I get out of the shower at 7:04am and have time to write it down
Go to work
Make dinner
Sit on the couch and play Candy Crush [Fuck you, Level 65. Fuck you in the ass.]
Realize I want to have a post for the next day, because SYMMETRY
Sit at the computer and write some drivel
Save as draft
Write a new pile of drivel
Save as draft
Write a different pile of drivel
Save as draft
Be struck by inspiration and create a funny, heartwarming post
Realize it's garbage and write this post
Realize it's garbage and post it anyway

This? This disconnect from fantasy and reality? Permeates every aspect of my life.

I was going to have the girl packed and ready to move back to school the weekend before, so that we could spend each evening enjoying ourselves and not worrying about what we needed to hunt down at Target. Instead? We have tentative plans to go to Target two days before she leaves so that we can purchase her school stuff. Better late than never?

Fuck it. Let's just eat Heath Bars instead.


  1. I have blog post ideas all the time and promptly forget them. Your real life blogging experience seems about right to me.

  2. I love it when I think of a blog post in the middle of the night and write down two words in Notes in my phone and the next day when I go to retrieve awesome blog post idea, I see the words "kitchen shoelaces." Really, me? I have no idea what the fuck that means.

  3. I am also stuck on level 65. I feel your pain ;)

  4. I have to say that @sarcasmgoddess has me totally fascinated by "kitchen shoelaces" because what a cool idea, that you could tie up your kitchen and just...I don't know, put it away? I would also have to say here that heath bars cure just about everything, but only if you first gnaw off the chocolate and leave just pure toffeejoy to crunch down on (and later pick out of your bridgework).

  5. There's supposed to be symmetry? Shit.

  6. Just go to the movies and screw it all!


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