Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Oh, there was a thing called BlogHer.


Did you know I went to BlogHer?


And because I'm terrible, I didn't give you a timely recap that discusses the ways I grew as a person and how fucking amazing and wonderful and terrifying I found the whole thing.  How I still can't believe that in that crowded, energized space, I found a place where I belonged, anonymous or not.

Instead, here is a recap in the manner of HEADLINES from newspapers in 1940s era movies:

SEE! all the wonderful people who honest to god are some of the kindest, givingest, generous people you will ever meet.

SMELL! Suniverse sweat like a whore during the People's Party and every other party because SO! CROWDED!

HEAR! Suniverse do a panel with the lovely Leslie from The Bearded Iris! Read all about it here, on the live blog!

LAUGH! at Suniverse's mad dash across a deserted train station with the lovely Angela Amman at 7:00am IN THE MORNING because the fucking jackhole cockbag cab driver left us on the complete WRONG SIDE of Union Station and if you ever want to kill someone in Chicago early on a Sunday morning, the Metra Station is the place to do it.

WINCE! at Suniverse's terrible fashion choices, which Alexandra kindly called "Traveling Knit Wear" while they sat together at the fashion show. I am shopping before the next one, for sure. It was too mortifying. I evidently have nice work clothes, nice evening clothes, and crap lounging clothes.

GURGLE! with laughter, listening to Suniverse read her mortifying mammogram post at the Listen to Your Mother Open Mic.

HUG! everyone who would let you.

CHEW! the actually pretty good food they have in Chicago and at the conference.

EYEROLL! at how ridiculous Suniverse was for walking around Chicago with her BlogHer badge for umpteen minutes on several separate occasions.  TOURIST!

STRUGGLE! to figure out which of the minimal swag Suniverse copped that she would take home with her. Hint: Mostly books and nail polish.

BASK! in the delight of seeing old friends and meeting new ones.

BLUSH! at Suniverse's idiocy in not recognizing/finding/talking to people who she really, really, REALLY wanted to.

SHAKE! that ass with Suniverse by dancing and dancing and dancing.

I missed you all.  I wish you were all there. 

Next year?


  1. Oh LAWD, you are so damn clever and funny! This is definitely THE most original BlogHer wrap-up I've read so far. KUDOS! And way to make me snarf my coffee with the word "cockbag"! LMFAO. Love you.

  2. "Cockbag" is my new favorite word. Second only to "snobdouchery!" So happy I finally met you!

  3. I've almost forgiven you for not knowing who I was on Thursday night... xoxoxo

  4. Joining in the love of cockbag. Wait, that's not...never mind.

    FEEL Suniverse love you through a hug (and possibly grind your left leg with her pelvis).

  5. SPECIAL!!! That is how I felt when you revealed yourself to me and I got to hug you! WAIT! That sounded dirty! You didn't flash me, but you let me know who you were so I could hug you because DUH! ANonymous blogger:) LOVE YOU! So glad that I got to meet you and can't wait to hug your neck again. Cockbag is almost as funny as the term "BagODicks" which also, I would like to see both. Different purposes but both funny. Actually, BagODicks kinda frightens me. Put that bitch away.I only need one:)

  6. I'm with Rossow; "cockbag" is my new fave word.

  7. Happy to hang out with you a second time. :-)

    (and hear your mammogram story)

  8. There was a conference in Chicago for Blogging? Damn I totally missed it. Well had I gone I would probably have cornered you (using one of the House Talk N methods to networking) in the lobby of the host hotel and chatted your ear off about I don't even know what. I might have used all sorts of my Jersey style talking on you - profanity and everything. But thank GOD I didn't do that.

  9. Who made me smile today for the first time since Monday? Besides my children? You, Sunni. xo xo xo

  10. Cockbag. Love it. Will steal it. Will use it daily.

  11. JEALOUS: That I didn't get to meet Suniverse at Blog Her
    HAPPY: To learn some awesome new swear words today

  12. HAVE! A blogasm when you meet Suniverse. HAVE! multiple blogasms when you hug her. HAVE! residual blogasms for weeks later. Have I said too much?


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