Sitting on my couch, reading a magazine. I'm not wearing my trifocals, because I can pretty much still read without the print being super fuzzy. It's mostly the distances that fuck me up. I can see that there are photos on the wall across from me, for instance,
BUT I CANNOT MAKE OUT WHAT THE FUCK JUST SKITTERED BEHIND THE PICTURE OF THE PURPLE CHRYSANTHEMUM.
OH HOLY FUCK, WHAT WAS THAT?
I still don't know. I'm sitting here, in my office, hiding. I tried to vacuum up the . . . thing . . . but even knocking at the picture with the vacuum extension wouldn't shake anything loose. There is no way in hell I'm going to actually physically touch the picture with my hands, because I know if I get close, I'll end up shaking that . . . thing . . . loose on myself.
I hate skittery things.
The cats are useless.
And I'm probably not going to sleep tonight.
Of course, it doesn't help that I spent a stupid amount of time on Reddit, reading people's stories of the scariest things they've ever seen. So I sit and wonder, is it a ghost? A Shadow Monster? Is it weird that I HOPE it's a ghost or a Shadow Monster, not because I wouldn't be scared - I totally would shit my pants - but because if it's a ghost or a Shadow Monster, then at least I can have an exorcism or something and then it's over.
If it's a bug, then I don't know where it is and I have to burn the house down and start over.
Oh, my life. It is ridiculous.
UPDATE: The husband came home and I told him about the THING. He mocked me, since I had just recently asked him to kill a spider that turned out to be a tuft of cat hair [I swear, my house is NOT filthy], and then he mocked me some more for not wearing my glasses when I obviously need to [he may have a point there].
So he took the frame off the wall, and looked at the back and didn't see anything, and I thought, "Ok, Shadow Monster - where do I find an exorcist?" and then as he was hanging the frame back on the wall, the MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER SKITTERED BACK OUT. And then he killed it, because he is a man, and that is his purpose.