Monday, March 3, 2014

Make it fit.**

I didn't watch the Oscars last night, because I forgot about them. I know. I am a terrible entertainment-consumer. I'm not above awards shows or anything like that [LOVE Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, obvs], but I am uniformly terrible about remembering stuff. Also, my in-laws were over for the weekend, and that was kind of exhausting.

Anyway, this morning I got my rage on while doing yoga, as I am wont to do. I was watching Good Morning America and they were talking to Matthew McConaughey's** wife about getting ready for the big night and she was talking about how she spent the last couple of weeks detoxing, etc., so she could fit into her dress, and I was all WTF?

Maybe instead of detoxing / cleansing / starving / incessantly working out before big events, the designers could MAKE THE GODDAMN DRESSES FIT THE PERSON.

These aren't off-the-rack gowns. These are tailored and signature one-of-a-kind dresses that are made/given SPECIFICALLY to that one person. Are you trying to tell me that you, a designer, someone whose JOB it is to make clothes, can't sew something to fit an actual human person? Is that what you are telling me? Then you are terrible at your job.***

I like looking at pretty people wearing pretty things. I even like to get dressed up. I enjoy doing my nails and wearing something fabulous. I get it. I am ABSOLUTELY NOT advocating wearing so-called "comfortable" terrible clothing, like yoga pants or leggings [THEY ARE NOT PANTS, PEOPLE. STOP IT.], but there is no reason for people to have to lever themselves into ill-fitting clothing. I am simply saying that there is no need to starve yourself in order to wear a gown THAT WAS MADE FOR YOU.

Your shape should dictate what the dress looks like. And if you, as a designer, can't do that for someone you are making a dress for? You suck.
* I know, this is the complete opposite of what I usually talk about, and you probably can't believe that I actually have an opinion on this [although why that should be surprises me, since I have an opinion - the right opinion - on everything], but it's something that's bugged me for a very, very long time, and also this is what came out when I sat down to write a post. You're welcome.

** Are we all on my McConaughey bandwagon now? Even Ellen knows he's dirty-sexy.

*** I say this with some authority, even though I am neither a designer nor a tailor. However, both my parents sew - my father owned a bespoke men's clothing store for many years and still does all my alterations; my mother used to make some of our snappier outfits, including a number of bridesmaid's dresses - so I have some understanding of WHAT IT TAKES to make a garment FIT AN ACTUAL PERSON.


  1. Totally with you. And so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I will rant with you about it. Or anything else. Like Canadian winters, which I'm usually okay with, but this year it's just A MONTH TOO GODDAMNED LONG, you feel me? I miss pavement.

  2. Another, smaller point? No dress, no dress nowhere, ain't worth no detox cabbage-juice cleanse bullshit.

  3. alright, alright, alright. (Said in my best McConaughey voice. Obvs.)

  4. Weeks of detox/cleansing??? No fuckin way.

    When I die, I'm gonna say I'm GLAD I ate that pie of pie and I had known it was last day on earth I would've the the WHOLE FUCKING PIE! Not I'm glad I fit into a teenie dress.

  5. I wanted to feed Guiliana Rancic of E! a sandwich SO BAD. Girl done starved herself into looking like a stick figure and it made me so uncomfortable, I ate the damn sandwich.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.