Thursday, April 24, 2014

Travels with Suniverse

My mother, sister, and I went to visit the girl last weekend. It was so great to see her, because I miss her as I am not completely heartless. To clarify, I miss the girl, not my mom or my sister, because I see them a lot and familiarity breeds meh. It was also pretty great to find that I could travel with my mother and sister and we all managed to get along [mostly] and no one fought [outwardly] and we even kind of had fun [truth]. Weird.

I think the best part of the trip came toward the end, when the four of us were in the car heading to breakfast. There was a giant helicopter doing helicopter-type things near us, and the girl said, "I feel like I'm in Goodfellas." I just barely managed to NOT say, "Hey, Sister, remember that time me, you, and our friend got so high* and then we drove** to the video store*** to return a movie, and we kept seeing helicopters during the trip and we were convinced they were following us?"

How I managed not to say this, I have no idea.

Anyway, in non-drug-usage news, did you enter to win a copy of Blythe Jewell's book Something Smells Like Pee? Do it now. I'm GIVING IT AWAY, so you get a sample of Blythe's brilliance and then are hooked. Hurry, I hear helicopters.

* On the reefer. Which I do not advocate. Although we were all adults at the time. Which does not make it better.
** Which was completely stupid and I absolutely do not advocate. Because driving 32mph in a 45mph zone is completely unsafe.
*** Remember video stores? Like, independent video stores? Where you could go in and say, "You know that movie about the teenagers who cheat on their tests - which movie was that?" and the video clerk would say, "Oh, yeah, Better Luck Tomorrow. It's over there. Great movie." Which is a true story and actually happened and it is a GREAT movie. Go watch it. Now.


  1. When I was a young adult* my siblings and I used the phrase, "going to the store" as a general invitation to anyone present to follow us outside to get high.**

    *I was only an adult in my own mind.
    **Obviously my kids will never hear this story

  2. Whenever a car load of high teens with smoke wafting from its windows drives by us (usually in summer) my husband and I absolutely inhale.* The only video stores that exist now are the ones where you go in and say "You know that movie where they don't talk much (thankfully) but the guy's name is Wesley Pipes because it's a play on Wesley Snipes and you think that is hilarious?"**

    *It's been a long time
    **So I've been told

  3. I can't remember if it was Dave Barry or Carl Hiaasen who wrote a novel where, in the end, the fell the bad guy because some very rich benefactor dispatches helicopters all over the place to just drive the bad guy far crazier than he had been for the rest of the novel.

    I'd TOTALLY buy a helicopter, learn to fly it, and hang out above common marijuana hangouts, if I were a rich man.

  4. Were you more worried about your mom or daughter hearing that story?

    I used to love going to the video store and surfing the racks for a movie I hadn't seen but wanted to see.

  5. From now on, I'm going to insert "In non-drug-usage-news" into all of my blog posts.
    Wish me luck.

  6. I used to go to video stores all the time! They were so awesome! I mean, not actually nearly as awesome as being able to lazily get movies at home, like now. But it was in the past, so it feels all nostalgic and awesome!


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.