Friday, May 28, 2010

Numerically Speaking

1. I FINALLY figured out why, when I listen to Kid Rock's Cowboy on the regular radio, they do this:
I'm gonna paint the town red 
And paint his wife [EDIT] 
Kid Rock actually says "white" and I could NOT, for the life of me, figure out why the FCC would demand that the word white is edited out of a song.
Paint her white to be part of the KKK? [Edit because the KKK is racist?] 
Paint her white to be a ghost? [Edit because ghosts are racist?]
And then, the other day as I was driving home, I had an epiphany - paint her white with SPOOGE! Right?
It's the only thing that makes marginal sense.

[I still don't understand why Eminem is edited when he raps in "Lose Yourself" about
These hoes {which I actually thought was "his boss"-thanks,!} don't want him no mo', he's cold (EDIT/product)
Because what does that mean? Cold product? He can't get a boner? Poor Eminem.]

2. I truly could not be less interested in Sex and the City - read Candace Bushnell's book years ago and was appalled at how terrible it was, so I never watched the show or the other movie. That being said, I have become nearly obsessed with reading reviews of how awful the new movie is. Part of me is deliciously schadenfreud-y. Another part is wondering why everyone is so late to the party. Still another part of me is wondering what, exactly, people expected from this brand.  Why the surprise?

3. I have so much cockadoodie work to do that I am pretty close to panicking. I'm marginally closer to going fetal and taking a nap. What I should do is edge myself closer to the point where I shower and become a productive person, but that couch is calling me. I've already put in what feels like a full day. I should unionize and make sure I get time and a half for the rest of it.

4. I have several packets of seeds [flowers AND vegetables, impressive, right? It's like I'm Amish!] sitting in my office, waiting to be planted. I keep telling myself that I'm waiting to make sure there isn't another freeze, but after this week's 85+ weather, I think I'm kidding myself.

Oh!  Brilliant plan!  Make the girl plant them.  That way, she's getting involved in nature and learning a skill, and I don't have to get uber-cranky because the outdoors is trying to touch me.

5. I don't have a number 5. I just feel like a list of 5 things is marginally more imposing than a list of 4 things.  Even if the 5th thing is random and none of the other 4 things actually go together. Perhaps I am fooling myself. Perhaps.


  1. 1) I have never gotten that until just now. Thank you SO much.

    2) I'm also really into reading bad reviews of SATC - especially the funny ones!

    3)The lure of the couch is strong, few can resist.

    4) Hey, I'm impressed you've gotten that far, I'm so lazy I never even plan on stuff like that.

    5) You're right, five is definitely better.

  2. Okay, I read the whole post, and totally agree that 5 is better than four. But what really got me was #1...thank you!! I never knew what it meant either, duh!

    Thanks for swinging by my blog this morning! I'll be back to visit you!

  3. My favorite? The feeling of guilt and things undone as I stare at those seed packets being suddenly transformed into the pride of excellent parenting!

    My daughters are gardening! Without me! I am teaching them to be independent and self-reliant!

    I ROCK!

    Also? I love that you use the word schadenfreude. I love that word. And the experience.

  4. Meagan, the couch won. For a bit. Also, I still CAN'T STOP reading those bad reviews. It's like crack to me.

    Natalie, Isn't it amazing how much better 5 is than 4? And how simple the spooge explanation now seems?

    Kris, Being a good parent is a surprising combination of laziness and & discipline. And I agree - schadenfreude is delicious.

  5. Schadenfreud-y? Nice. Never thought to use it as an adverb. You're expanding my vocabulary.

  6. Alone, I will use my language powers wisely.


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